I was raised as nothing - secular Christian I guess to the extent that we celebrated Christmas by having a tree and presents, and sometimes got an Easter basket.  My husband was raised Catholic but always knew he didn't believe it.

We are doing basically what I was raised with.  We celebrate Christmas just for fun, but never go to church.  When my son asks questions I tell him what some other people believe, and then what we believe and why.

The "What religion are you" question doesn't bother me, so I guess I'm not sure why it would bother my kids.  We live in a college town where a lot of people are not religious so we don't stick out.  The only issue we have run into, I guess, is that my son asks questions like "Why can't WE celebrate Hannukkah like .... does?" and things like that.  No big deal.

I don't think we're going to do #4 because a) my husband has had enough of religion to last him the rest of his life - he never wants to go again, and b) I would feel like a hypocrite attending services when I didn't believe in anything they were saying.  Quaker might be the only possibility for me, but I don't believe in any kind of higher power at all so I really wouldn't feel comfortable attending any services regularly.

I feel the same way you do.  We are sending our 2.8 year old twins to the Jewish Community Center for preschool this fall because it is a great program and the options are very limited here in SF.  So what I need to know is very specific:  how to answer the question who/what is god?  

I think this is complicated by the fact that I affirmatively do NOT want to indoctrinate or inculcate in my children a feeling of faith, but I also don't want them to repeat something that might offend someone else.  It's causing me to reexamine all of those childhood traditions like Santa Clause, Easter Bunny, Tooth Fairy etc., because a friend of mine (lapsed Mormon) recently pointed out to me that these are all subtle ways of teaching children to believe in the supernatural.

I look forward to seeing what others have to say about this.

And I don't have a problem with it.  My own beliefs are probably best described as close Deism...but we follow no particular practice.

My kids have never seemed to need an organized religion.  We have allowed them to do things like attend Bible School at my mother-in-law's Methodist Church or attend occasional services of friend.  They understand the premise of Christianity and I've shared my own beliefs with them as well as explained what the beliefs of others involve in a hopefully non-judgemental way.   If any of my children developed the need for further involvement, I would probably steer them towards the local UU congregation.

My kids are older...four are over 18.  We've never had a problem with establishing  an ethical, moral behavior code.  Our standards are actually quite high. I firmly believe that in the end, we must find our own spiritual path and I'm not sure that loading kids down with too much baggage doesn't hinder rather than help them with this as they become adults.

I tried taking my kids to church for a while, but the only thing they were learning is that God is boring. That is not a very positive message, so I stopped taking them. I do talk to them about God if they ask, and I explain the religious background to holidays. I'm not entirely settled in my own beliefs, but I do think there is a basic human need to connect with something spiritual. I guess I'm aiming for awareness, which could grow into something more active down the line if they express interest.

They get religion in school (it's part of the Chilean curriculum), but they can choose to switch to ethics in fourth grade, which I think is a great option.

I'm a pretty faithful Lutheran (luckily I've found an extremely liberal church), and I wish to raise DS the same way.  DH does not share my beliefs, but he is cool with letting me raise DS Lutheran because it means more to me than it does to him.

I've been surprised how many of my non-religious friends wanted to have some sort of faith/religion/church experiences once they had kids, and almost all of them chose UU.  They seem to feel very happy & comfortable there.  I don't know a lot about it, but they all say it's a welcoming community without a lot of "do this or else" theology.  It seems like a good way to have the supportive basis of a church, with exposure to a lot of cultures & religions, which could help your kids make their own decisions later.

I was raised a "conservative" judaism and was totally fed up with it by the time I was a teenager. I was a feminist from an early age and had NO tolerance for the God as "HE" ugh., In my late 20s and early 30s, I found progressive Judaism in Reconstructionst Judaism. Now I practice somewhere between Reform and Reconstructionist Judaism -- two "types" of Judaism that are definitely on the liberal/progressive/left. If you don't think of Judaism as a questioning religion, I'd suggest checking out  the Reform or Reconstructionist synagogues/communities where you live. It's hard to get a good understanding just by attending a service or event. Talk to the people who belong there and  the rabbi and cantor. Be upfront about your beliefs. If your husband hasn't been to a synagogue in a long, long time he might be surprised. Interfaith families, atheists, etc are encouraged, actually. It's all about change and the questions -- for adults as well as children. In both types, traditions and rituals are not taken for granted as something "commanded by God so we must do it" There is, tho, a lot of discussion on the relevance of these traditions and rituals today and how they can be modernized for women, GBLT, interfaith families, etc.  

For one thing, Reconstructionist Judaism has removed all "supernantural" references to God in prayer books and education. The emphasis is on the power of a higher being in everything -- rather than some "supreme being out there" It is a good blend of cultural, historical, relgious aspects of Judaism. .

In Reform Judaism there's a real empahasis on how our spritucal beliefs translate into making the world a better place. Reform Jew are very involved in a lot of social justice projects -- from Darfur to anti-theocracy in the US.

You might be surprised to find that many folks in these types of communities don't believe in God the dogmatic, unthinking/unconscious way I was raised.

Option 4 is interesting, but probably won't happen, at least until way later.

Option 3 is totally viable too.

We've gone with Option 2 ourselves (UU).  We are not atheists (I guess we are agnostic). So far, it's been good.  My one rec if you go the UU route is to take a long time to get to know the church yourself, without your child, to figure out if it is something that is really going to work for you and your family long term.

Check out not just the 'religion' part of it, but the actual congregation, services, other programs, the ministers.  Make sure you really like it there, make sure this is really where you want to be.  Your child is really young, so I wouldn't even worry about getting him into it until he is 5 or so.

As far as not wanting to enroll in the Religious Ed on the weekends, then UUism would be hard to work without the Sunday component.  Sunday is the biggest day, where ideally you would go to the service while your child goes to the religious ed and then you can all chit chat with the folks afterwards, etc.  But this is definitely a valid concern, and one you should really consider before you join one.

I'm going through a bit of a rough time personally with my choice of UUism lately, (I'm just not feeling it some days), and I wish I hadn't rushed my whole family into it, so I could work this out on my own first.  

As an atheist however, you will feel right at home there and be among many friends for sure  : )

The Church of the Larger Fellowship was formed to serve the needs of isolated UUs, but has many members who could attend a local church, but for whatever reason, choose not to.  CLF offers excellent religious education materials to its members.

You can join (for free) for a trial period of about three months and receive the Quest newsletter, have access to Religious Education materials for your family, including "Between Sundays", borrow materials from the CLF loan library, among other things.

You can find more information at the CLF website at http://clf.uua.org/

I think it's perfectly fine to raise your kids with your beliefs. When they ask questions, you can explain that you don't believe in God, but when they get older they can make that decision for themselves. If they want to explore different religions at some point, support it. I think that no matter what, it's not good to be disappointed by what they choose to believe in as adults. I was raised anti-Christian, so when I grew up and began to feel like my beliefs aligned a lot with protestant Christianity, my mom was very offensive about it. It was upsetting, because it really was none of her business, it's something I have always been very private about. Just being open to your kids will be all they need.

in being raised completely without religion was that my siblings and I really didn't know that more people were religious than not.

It was a rude awakening to find that we were actually in the minority as adults. I think we would all categorize ourselves as agnostics now, and I admit it would be a pleasant surprise to have an afterlife when we die (what a good joke on us to have our very non-religious dad waiting for us beyond the pearly gates, ready to laugh with us again, "Guess we were wrong! Ha!").

My point is that not having a religion doesn't leave a deficit in one's life. Instead, you focus on other things like nature and family, being neighborly and secular traditions, but a lack of religion could lead to an unconscious insensitivity toward the religious, which I had to learn as an adult.

Here is the link, fresh from yahoo

http://news.yahoo.com/...

I thought this would aid in the discussion.  I have a 16 year old daughter.  Now, one of her hallmark traits is emphathy and a keen sense of fairness and social justice.  She demonstrated it by first grade.  I did not raise her with any religious background.  I think we are Number 3 on your chart.  Church twice a year, Easter and Christmas.

However, it is my biggest regret not to have  raised dd in a religious tradition.  Part of this is cultural for me in that I was raised Catholic and would have liked her to have shared in the ritual.  The other discussion on MT around this was interesting, but in essence I am a cafeteria Catholic.  If I was married to a Jew I would have considered raising children in the Jewish religion.

Why religion?  I believe it gives kids a way to think about spirituality and had I chosen to raise dd as a Catholic, I would have tempered the Catholic doctrine with my own views.  

The study raises some very interesting points.  One of the biggest is the community religion provides and the network of support.  There is a HUGE gap in community particularly when kids hit teen years.  The community of parents is nearly non existent and support for parents from parents is not often see...at least where I live.

I am scrambling to catch up now.  We have attended several services over last 18 months.  DH and I  have spoken to her at length about religion as her view has been badly shaped by my ex MIL's right wing fundamentalist beliefs.  My mother and step father moved in with us recently and they are fairly anti religion. DD has two vocal extremes in her life. Therefore my husband and I are talking to her quite a bit about spirituality and exposing her to more religious services.  We attended a Seder last month AND a Catholic Easter service. We  volunteer at Glide Memorial and sometimes drop into their Sunday services.

Good luck with your decision.  

We do #3.  My kids are at an age where they appear to believe in Santa Claus, the Easter Bunney and the Tooth Fairy, so I'm not going to get too bothered if they want to believe in God and Guardian Angels.  I think I played with those ideas at their age.  It's a family tradition, so we have fun with it.  I tell them what I believe, tell them they'll have to make their own decisions.  My daughter likes to say Grace and an occasional prayer.  My husband and I will say Grace with them.  We talk about what we are thankful for.  It's a good thing for children to think about, regardless of whether you really believe there's someone out there to thank.

What my husband and I are very concerned about is that we do NOT want to leave our children vulnerable to having someone tell them what to believe, what to do, and what not to do, because it is "God's Word".  So, we avoid too much exposure to any particular group's version of the "Word".

I saw my sister-in-law, who was dying of cancer, very comforted by the belief that death was not a complete ending.  I believe that it is, but if my kids were in that situation, and such a belief brought comfort, then I would support them in such a belief if they were inclined.  What does it really matter at that point?   I am inclined not to totally cut them off from that option, if they need it one day.

My husband and I sometimes just get on the subject and talk in front of the kids.  We celebrate Christmas, and talk about how it evolved from earlier Pagan rituals.  We laugh about the Easter Bunny that lays eggs, and the extreme unlikelihood of someone actually rising from the dead, and the fact that holy texts are written by people.  We talk about how Jesus Christ probably did exist, and that much that was written about Jesus may not be entirely correct, and missing a great deal, and that powerful people controlled what was written and what was kept in the Bible for their own very human reasons.  We talk about how every culture has seasonal festivals, Spring, Summer, Fall and Winter, and we talk about what ours are, and what other countries or religions have instead.  We talk about how some people believe in many Gods, and some people believe in spirits in rock and water and tree.  We talk about how people used to believe that thunder was caused by a God pounding on his anvil.  
We let them watch Harry Potter and Kiki's Delivery Service and the Fairly OddParents.  In general, we let God and angels blend in with Santa, fairies, witches, giants, trolls and other supernatural folk.  I see no reason to rush things.  They are getting a complete education, and they'll work it out.

This diary is a few days old now, but I thought I'd still give my 2 cents! I was raised without any religious tradition, and I'm proud to say I turned out just fine. I always had a strong understanding of right and wrong, kindness and love, etc.

That said, I would recommend a couple things to parents in this situation. First, even if you don't adopt a certain tradition, try to be open to your child's spiritual curiousity and development. My father was scarred by a fire-and-brimstone upbringing, and he was so negative about anything religious that when I actually developed a spirtual life as an adult I kept it as my dirty little secret for a few years.

Also, my husband grew up in a religious community (Quakers), and I am quite envious of that community. Can you find a substitute for that kind of community? I had a fine childhood, but I do wish I had something like that, which is why we plan on making a concerted effort to raise our children (we're expecting our first this fall) in the Quaker community.

Good luck! :)

Who prefer to marvel at the mystery of life rather than have everyting wrapped up in a perfect package with a perfect bow.

That being said, we have raised our kids (15 and 20) to be independent thinkers and to see nature as the one true perfect thing on our planet.

One of my daughter's biggest rebellions was to go to an Evangelical Christian church.  It was extremely hard to remain neutral and let my daughter explore something that I consider to be a negative, closed minded approach to life.

She went for a few weeks, (yes, I even drove her-anti-Bush bumper stickers and all) and after she realized that I would support her spititual journey as much as other curiosities she found no reason to go any more.