Did you give them a book to give them the general idea, or just answer questions as needed, or...?

and that's the approach I've used with my kids. No question is off limits, they can ask me anything, and they'll get an honest answer.

My daughter is 12 and I posted about MY sexual hangups and not wanting my daughter to go through what I went through. It's hard. She's very shy and so there are times when I ask her what the latest "drama" in school is, or what kids are talking about just to open the dialogue.

My oldest asked questions - he had the health classes in school which progressed in the level of information given out each year and since I would known when those classes were given, I would follow up with him. In between we talked a lot - he was/is very verbal and not shy about asking!! Of course I still giggle over his 'blue balls' question!

Youngest is 10 and had the first puberty film in 5th grade a few weeks ago. I think this child is even MORE verbal and prone to asking clarifying questions so it's been pretty easy so far. Also I recently got two kittens, one male and one female. The female was already spayed, but we had to take in the male to be fixed this past week and we talked a lot about that process. We also talked about how the kittens were fixed vs how people can get 'fixed' :-)

I decided I wanted to be able to answer any question my kid posed honestly.  It was a guiding force in my (especially sexual) choices, wanting to keep the regrets and irresponsible moments to a minimum.

:)  Besides, as a teen, I'm going to love watching her try and actually SAY questions that will embarass me.

I read through the 36 comments.  Everyone agrees that openness is the best and I can vouch for that. My girls are 18 and 20 now and we've been through it all. Both cleared high school as virgins by choice, while many of their friends did not.  I promise, the wagging finger of morality is the worst way to go in parenting.  Here's the downside(?)of being so approachable--I know way more than I ever wanted to know about the private lives of my teen and twenty and their friends.  Kids seem to find me when they can't talk to their own parents.

Back to the early years, we had to have our first "little talk" when they were 3 and 5, thanks to a tidbit shared by one of their friends about another little friend's single mom and boyfriend having oral sex.  They described it pretty accurately and asked if people really did that.  Yikes!

I had to think quickly.  I thought about how poorly our society deals with sexuality, and how I wanted them to relate to it differently.  I didn't like the morality approach, besides taboos ALWAYS backfire.  So I came up with a way to discuss sex without making it bad and wrong--more of an age appropriate thing with a distinction between sex and romance that I thought was very practical.  The first step is to be sure what the child is asking, how much they already know, and what exactly they want to know right now.  I wrote an article about it, but never figured out how to get it published. Maybe it will be useful to all of you young mothers. I've copied it below.

What I will tell you is that it helped my girls get through the years with a sense of empowerment.  They even SELF-censured what they watched and listened to on the radio!  I never had to worry about what they would be exposed to; they handled it for themselves.  After one middle school dance, they reported to me that some of the music had not been appropriate for kids, and that they were going to talk to the student council about previewing what the disc jockeys intended to play!  Nice to see your kids taking charge.

Enjoy the article

Sandy
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A Framework for Presenting
The Facts of Life

"We need to have a little talk about..."
Very few parents look forward to presenting the Facts of Life to their children.  While the following framework doesn’t tell you what to say about sex, it does tell you how to know what your children are ready to hear and helps you put sex and romance in perspective.  Parents who have followed this framework find the little talk to be much easier than they imagined.  See what you think.

First, listen to your child

Whether you introduce the conversation or your child gets to it first, listen for what your child is ready to hear.  Remember that all the details do not have to be presented at once.  

Different children are ready to hear different things at different ages.  The best way to know what to present is by first asking your child what he/she already knows about the subject.  Listening to the child’s answer will give you clues to the child’s comfort level and let you know where to begin.  
Regardless of the depth of your explanation or the age of the child, consider making the following two points.  They provide a structure for understanding our culture’s views on sex and for limit setting.

Point 1:  Sex involves "privates," romance does not
A concept that is often missing in our children’s training is that sex and romance are two different things:  sex is physical and romance is emotional.  

For too many children, by the time they are teens, romance doesn’t exist at all or at best seems like nothing but an avenue to sex.  In the absence of romance, our teens seeking emotional fulfillment have only one choice:  sex.  Separating the two concepts for our children provides an important option throughout their lives:  romance.

An easy way for children to tell the two apart is this:  "Sex involves ‘privates,’ romance does not."  Even very young children who know "privates" as the parts covered by a swimsuit can grasp this, and for some this is enough.  For older children, the statement can serve as an opener for introducing further details about sex like anatomically correct names for private parts or explanations of how the body reproduces.  It also provides a good way to introduce the wide range of things our culture considers sexual including verbal references to "privates," clothing that attracts attention to "privates," and behaviors that involve contact with "privates."  

Point 2:  Sex is not for kids, romance is

Here’s the clincher and the critical element for limit setting.  Regardless of the mixed messages we send to our children with our media, our culture is firm about one thing:  sex is not for kids.  (If you have any doubts about this, consider our child protection laws.)  "Sex is not for kids, romance is," provides a solid framework for limit setting that helps children focus on relationship not bodies.

By preschool most children have heard the words sex and sexy creeping from the adult world into theirs.  Since we cannot insulate our children completely, "sex is not for kids, romance is," gives them a way to distinguish what is appropriate from what is not.  

Inappropriate things include children discussing sex and privates, dressing "sexy," behaving sexually, playing with dolls sexually, listening to songs or watching shows with sexual messages, etc.  Discussing romance, dressing to look pretty or handsome, behaving affectionately, playing out romantic scenarios with dolls, listening to songs or watching shows about love and romance, etc. are fine and truly meet the child’s need to explore the world of male/female relationships without the potential for embarrassment, concern and personal stigma.  

The limit also holds for adult-child interactions.  Inappropriate touch, inappropriate conversations initiated by adults, and other types of inappropriate sexual situations created by adults can be discussed within this framework.

Check your child’s understanding by giving examples of appropriate and inappropriate situations and letting your child tell you which is which or allow the child to give you examples of situations he/she has noticed.  Role play with your child or simply provide sample responses to situations that may come up.  

Examples:  
"If a friend talks about sex you can say, ‘Sex isn’t for kids to talk about.  You should talk to your parents about that.’" or "Pretend I’m your age.  What would you say if I said, ‘Let’s get the dolls.  We can undress them and have them kiss!’"  

Listen for an understanding of the limit in the child’s response.  If needed, coach the child toward a response like, "No.  For it to be romantic they need their clothes on when they kiss.  Lets dress them up and have them go on a date!"

Appropriate choices

Picture your children making appropriate clothing choices and changing the station when they hear songs or see shows with sexual messages.  Imagine them high school age, still considering a kiss as the height of romantic expression.  When our children understand our culture’s limits concerning sex, they are able to recognize what is appropriate and what is not.  Add to this an appreciation for romance and they are able to choose what is appropriate, throughout childhood and beyond, preferring life that way.  When the Facts of Life are presented in a framework that works for our children, everything can be easier than we imagined.

and it has been great for my kids [both age 10].

Both of my kids also have a book about puberty. My son's book is called something like B.O. and my daughter's is an American Girl book [I think] called something like Care and Keeping of You. I would go look for the books in their rooms but they are both in there now and would probably be mortified to know I'm writing about this.

Both these books are about how one's body changes and what new steps to take to be clean. Very important.

kids agrees with what you write.  my kids would follow me into the bathroom at young ages which always opened up discussions of bodily functions especially with my daughter as it related to periods and tampons, pads, etc.

i sometimes use humor to relieve the tension that can be felt when sex is the topic...we also have the framework that our kids can ask us anything.

even with all that, there are times that they may still feel awkward and/or they decide they do not want to discuss a particular topic.  but we keep trying and use opportunities when they become available.

Several years ago there were lots of rumors that girls were having oral sex with boys in middle school both when my son was in middle school and again when my daughter was there.  One day while driving my daughter home from school after reading or hearing yet another horror story about really young girls doing some incredibly provocative things, I said "M, what do you think about all the rumors and stories about girls giving boys blowjobs at school?"  She blinked a couple of times and said, "Mom what's a blowjob?"  To which I  felt compelled to explain, and then she said "Mom, do you do that to Dad?"  

This is when a really good sense of humor comes in handy.

We use "penis" and "testicles" (like when we get out of the shower and she points at Papa)...but is there a correct name for female genetalia?  She's not really dealing with her "vagina" and there's nothing to me that really seems to encompass "that whole general area down there."

We've chosen "yoni", and then use "tushie" and "butt" for her backside and "boobies" for breasts (she will point to hers on command, just like knees and feet and ears).

except for "breast" because the word she made up is just too damn cute.

Care to share? Inquiring minds, and all that.

LOL - my almost 8yo did this once or twice too - acted out giving an open-mouth kiss.  Guess he watches too much "Teen Nick" on TV.

He's also very interested in breasts - especially mine  lol - when I give him a big hug, sometimes he'll say "Mom, your breast is squishing my eye" and then look to see if I react to him saying that word!

I think it should be done in an age appropriate manner and I also think it depends on the child as to how much information they hear and when.  I also agree that I don't ever want it to be a taboo topic.  

Many of my friends seem really uncomfortable with the prospect of talking about sex with their kids, even when it's just naming body parts.  I want to make sure my kids get the factual information from me.  Perhaps they'll be the kids in the class people go to for info, but hopefully they'll at least have the right information.  One reason I hear from people about holding off on answering all questions is because they don't want their kids to talk about it at school.  As if human reproduction is some huge secret.