the worst "Thank You" note family in the world. Thank you for reminding me.

Not that bad though, geeze, the showers and weddings were a priority for thank yous. I bought thank you notes for the birthday party coming up.

I never know if you should send Christmas Thank you notes. Also, I was terrible with my Maid of Honor because she gave me so much stuff, I didn't send a bunch of Thank yous... just the one after the wedding because I thanked her in person for the shower stuff. When I was her Matron of Honor she sent me five different thank yous, one for every event, so now I know why she used to tease me about the lack of TY notes. I think she was actually hurt by that, wish I could make up for it now... maybe back date a few notes 5 years and run over them with my car so they look really old? :)

That  I need to send gift cards to my nieces, one of whom turned ten in February and the other who is turning ten this weekend.

We're pretty conscientious about the big thank yous -- the wedding, the showers, the baby gifts. We do try very hard to get the boys to sit down with us to do thank yous to relatives at the very least for Christmas, Hanukkah and Birthdays.  Miles also now does birthday gift thanks to his schoolmates and friends as well.

The big thank yous are a must.  Weddings, showers.  

Birthdays depends for me...if it's a small party and you saw the kid open the gift and you got some sort of acknowledgement, then if you don't send one, eh.

Large b-day parties where you don't open at the party, thank yous are a must have.  Same with any gift that comes in the mail, because the person needs to know that it was received.

If someone gives me a birthday gift, no party, and I open it in front of them, fawn over it and thank them, then I don't feel compelled to also send a thank you.  

Christmas where everyone is exchanging, no thank yous.

Here's an interesting story though...a couple I know, I know the guy actually, well, they divided up the thank yous for their wedding based on their guests.  I'm going to assume that she sent hers.  Well, the guy involved didn't send his to his side of the family and friends.

Who do you think got raked over the coals for it?  The girl.

I am strict with my son Tai when he receives something from the grandmothers or from friends for his birthday. I would say it runs 50% that his gifts to friends yield thank yous - not bad for 7 year olds.

My bad experience was that my one brother has six kids and I used to remember every birthday and Christmas and never got a single thank you. By the time the last two came along, I sent gifts for awhile but just finally decided not to bother. They are all richer than me, have trust funds, and just don't care. They are in Texas, where some people still teach manners. Some have had babies and I have sent gifts for the babies and received thank yous, so I chalk it up to their mother and father not doing their job. It takes extra effort with my boy, but I feel I am teaching him something important. Nothing says "tacky" like an ungrateful wedding couple!

But how it was sent is my tacky thank you story. Years ago, a friend I had grown up with and gone to church with got married. Our parents were friends from church as well. When she sent my mom and dad their thank you note, the whole note was written but then after "Dear" it was whited-out and my parents name written in! She had obviously written the thank you note, and then realized she'd put the wrong name at the top -- but instead of doing it over, she just whited out the wrong name and wrote in my mom and dad's name. And, no, this is not on the envelope, this is inside in the note itself!

I thought that was pretty tacky. I guess not as tacky as not sending a note, but PULEEZE!

This is actually a big pet peeve of mine!  I too have been to weddings and showers and have received no acknowledgement of a gift.  

I know they aren't a big deal, but to me kid's birthday parties should involve a thank you card.  I think it's a good learning experience for the child receiving a gift... that we say thank you.  And, now that my son is older and can write his own, he sends them for Xmas gifts and birthday gifts.  I think expressing gratitude for a gift is just good manners.

Number 3 is just...wow.  The height of tackiness.  Even before a child can write, I think it's great that s/he can draw a picture and be told "This is a thank you to Grandma for the present.  She will be so happy to hear from you."  Kids love to do things to make people happy, so I think they will quickly get the message that thank you doesn't have to be a chore.  It can be fun, quick, and easy, and makes you feel good because it's the right thing to do.

I come from a less educated, small town family where thank you cards are nonexistent. In college I picked up on the idea of thank you cards and have used the general rule that others have stated: always send one if the giver isn't present; always for parties, showers, weddings, etc.; others are situation specific.

Here is my horror story. When we got married my FIL and his wife sent separate gifts-- sort of. In fact, it was a gift and a check and I really had no way of knowing that they were not both from both of them. Since I had not been raised writing thank yous, I bought a book explaining how to write them, etc. Sent a very nice card to the couple for both gifts. My FIL called to say that he shredded the card and that I needed to send two separate cards. No real explanation, just do it. I refused. To me there is a fine line here that involves the mismatch of expectations b/n the giver and the receiver.

Here goes:

My best friend from high school got married, and turned into an unrecognizable version of Bridezilla (which continued to her baby shower, but that's another, well posted, thread. Suffice it to say that her shower invites specified registry, said to bring books along in addition to "build the baby's library" and during the party, there was a cash raffle to "establish the college fund"!). I was her matron of honor, and DH and I gave her a sizeable check as a present (in addition to flying two people from London, buying the dress and kicking in money for the happy couple's limo to the airport for the honeymoon. I still don't know what came over me to spring for that one.)

No thank you note. For months. Six months later, we receive a note with a general "thank you for supporting us" message. Ok, all well and good, but no acknowledgement. In desperation, I e-mail to her if she actually got the check (thinking perhaps she hadn't found it with the others, etc., etc.). She said yes, and didn't we know because we would have seen the check stub in our bank statement. That, my friends, is as close an acknowledgement as I ever got. (PS: I'm still waiting on a bloody birth announcement for her daughter, for whom I once again sent a pretty nice birth present. The baby is now six months old. I give up on actually getting a thank-you card.)

In my family, we are pretty hard-core on TY notes - Christmas, birthdays and definitely the special occasions. My mom's last Christmas present each year growing up was always the box of TY cards, as a gentle reminder of the responsibility. I defintely plan on instilling that in Jess.

I always mean to correspond, but I am forgetful and afraid.  And then I'm paralyzed by the guilt of not having done it already...

I think I got my last wedding notes out about 9 months later. I'm pretty sure I got out all the baby ones, at least for people I didn't see. And I'm terrible at getting out the birthday ones--hit or miss. I'm glad DD's parties are down to 3 or 4 girls, DS is having his last "big" party this year (age 8).

On top of this, I can't stand getting the notes from those clockwork people whose notes come in the mail 2 days after the event. I chuck those without even reading them because, really, how heartfelt could they be if they ran them all out the same day they had the party?? Or did they do them before the party?

And another one: parents who put the thank you cards in the goodie bags. Talk about doing them before the party! Ugh!

What is wrong with people?  Everyone should he given a copy of Peggy Post when they are issued their birth certificate.  Mine is heavy, white and lovely.  "Don't make me hit you with it!"  

Maybe it's the Southern girl in me, but I take Thank You note writing very seriously.  I even do it when someone has me and DH over for a dinner party.  I am also a sucker for precious stationary...  

I will never remember your birthday until two days after, but I will send you a thank you note within days.  

Is it better to send a TY late than not at all? How late is too late?

I'm a southern girl now living in Australia...where the thank you note is practically nonexistent (at least in Perth...Rachel? Do they still send notes in Melbourne?). You might get a note for a wedding gift. Otherwise, forget it. In fact, when I do my good little southern girl thing and send notes for birthday presents, I invariably get some comment about how "American" I am. Not meant in a nice way, believe me. I've just come through a big thank you note year (new baby, christening, christmas, two birthdays, big prize win in the family), and so far I've managed to get them all out (despite being made fun of at the family christmas for attempting to keep a written record of who gave what to my children). But, seeing as no one here apparently appreciates it, I'm pretty close to giving up! I do think it's a nice way of showing that you realize that the other person put effort and thought into getting something for you though...and I'd like my kids to learn that. But not if it will get them called "Americans!"(in a sneering tone of voice).

the parents of the bride own a bar, but they had a CASH BAR at the wedding?  That may top no thank you notes on my tackiness chart.

I think the best rule is to err on the side of politeness.  If in doubt, send a note.  Even if you thanked the giver in person, I think it shows how much you appreciate their generosity.  

One of my New Year's resolutions (and pretty much the only one I have kept) was to do a better job of sending cards to family and friends for all special occasions, especially birthdays.  DH has an aunt who sends cards to every family for every occasion, and we all appreciate it so much.  Especially as I get older and the birthday cards get more scarce, finding a card in my mailbox means a lot to me.

Along similar lines, I have gotten vigilant with myself about sending condolence cards.  I went through a traumatic time a few years ago, and the notes that people sent meant the world to me.  

One final thought: notes don't have to be long or eloquent.  A few simple words of thanks, congratulations, or sorrow go a long way.  

I always make a point of thanking the giver in person or by phone and I have always stressed to my daughters that thanking people is very important.