Mother Talkers

Eat, Pray, Mother

by One Crazy Mother

Fri Dec 07, 2007 at 01:47:16 PM PDT

Good book! Nothing to be ashamed of, One Crazy Mother. -Elisa

A few weeks ago I saw Elizabeth Gilbert sitting across from Oprah's throne speaking about her new book Eat, Pray, Love. I like Oprah, but have never purchased a book due to her urgings.

This time was different.

In Target this past Monday I looked around to make sure no one was watching and then slipped the paperback underneath the paper towels, candles, and a million other things I'd never intended on buying when I stepped into the store. Buying "pop spirituality" books has always been a semi-humiliating experience for me.

Example: When I checked out The Book of Secrets by Chopra at our library last year, I wondered if the middle-aged volunteer wasn't praying that this young mother get a grasp on life before her obviously under-disciplined child turn three.

Maybe I should stop examining/creating other's thoughts.

Anyway, five days later with only one chapter left, I have to say that this has been one of the most enjoyable books I've read all year. And it's December.

If you're not familiar with the book it's basically Carrie from Sex and the City meets L'auberge Espagnol meets the entire "Spiritual" section of Borders.

Elizabeth (we're on a first name basis now) takes us on her one year journey starting from the end of a devastating divorce to...well I haven't finished it but she travels to Italy, India, and Indonesia to find out who she is, who God is, and how they can do life together.

One part that really stood out to me was when one of the spiritually inclined people she met in India offered their opinion on how to end the religious wars.

I'm summarizing:

"If someone wants to argue with you about God, just turn to him and say, 'I agree,' then go home and pray the way you want."

My first inclination to this seemingly passive statement was, "So we just lie in order to get along? How stupid."

But then I had flashes of the millions of people who have chosen murder, theft, living in bitter silence for the sake of "I'm right" and suddenly a simple lie doesn't seem that bad.

At the end of the day, why does it matter what someone else thinks of your  God or lack thereof. Isn't the ability, the right, to worship the way you want enough? Or is widely known supremacy of a religion more important?

My boobies made me wonder how this translated to motherhood...I often find myself wanting to defend and explain the decisions my family makes for our kid.

"She can't have that milk...it's not organic. Yeah I know it's weird, but just work with me..."

"Yes, we let her watch TV. And she will be a licensed Disney character for  Halloween. Oh and no I don't think Halloween is from the devil."

In the past I've gone too far into the details to skeptics who question some of my mothering choices. Most of those skeptics being other mothers (including my own).

I'm going to try what the Indian guy did. Just agree. Or maybe nod with a silent smile.

Perhaps, and I say this will all due respect to the feminist movement, the Stepford Wives were on to something.

Tags: mother, eat, pray, love (all tags)

Permalink | 16 comments

  • I agree with just agreeing(sometimes) (0 / 0)

    In many situations,not only is it the easiest way to deal with a an unpleasant situation or conversation but it can be strangely freeing.I sort of feel like the penguins in Madagascar(that's right I have seen a Disney movie so many times that I am using it to illustrate part of my life)"Just smile and wave boys,just smile and wave". There are some people with whom you will never agree and there is nothing wrong with ending a conversation letting them think they've "won" while you go about your day (and life)knowing that you are secure in your beliefs and with your energy(people like that in my experience are very draining)intact. There's a saying I like,sometimes when you are right,that's all you get to be.

    by kwetsel on Fri Dec 07, 2007 at 02:17:49 PM PDT

  • Go along to get along (0 / 0)

    Here in MN, there is a saying that really struck me as odd when I first moved here. "Oh...Okay." It's a very pleasant, totally unsarcastic, but noncommital "okay."  For example, "You're letting your five year old be a vegetarian? Oh..Okay."

    I used to think, "I don't remember asking for your approval, you Nordic weirdo." But now I realize that Minnesotans are genius at 'going along to get along.'

    Now I say it ALL the time. "You think we're in the end times and you're a little excited about that? Oh...Okay!"

    It's similar to something I heard in a Bible study once:

    "Never argue with a Pharisee." And lord knows there are tons of Pharisees out there...even among our family and friends.

    by sangfroid on Fri Dec 07, 2007 at 05:44:13 PM PDT

    • love that (0 / 0)

      Oh..okay.

      Love that.  Sounds kind of Canadian to me.

      I admire people who go along to get along, yet I also like to know what people are actually thinking.  

      I've lived other places outside of the NE for brief spurts and I could never figure out if someone liked me or not because they were ALL nice.  Here in NJ, you know if someone doesn't like you, but you also know if they like you.  

      by NJmom on Fri Dec 07, 2007 at 07:15:30 PM PDT

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    • So true! (0 / 0)

      Minnesotans, though seemingly ignorant hicks in flyover land, are quite adept at accepting whatever sparkly new-fangled idea that comes along.

      Of course, the problem cited by NJ Mom is also true.  Everyone here is so nice, but it's a thing apart if anyone actually LIKES you.

      Maybe we'll accept anything here, just so we can go back inside where it's warm?  Or perhaps we just have something in our water?

      Oh.  Okay.

      Reuse. Enthuse. Repeat. http://www.secondhandnation.com

      by Secondhand Nation on Sat Dec 08, 2007 at 03:35:22 PM PDT

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      • Forgot to say (0 / 0)

        that I also loved this book.  

        I picked it up last year, before she was on Oprah, because I had loved her book The Last American Man, about this primitivist, amazing mountain man named Eustace Conway.  

        Eat Pray Love was totally different from the Last American Man, because that was more of a profile book, but I still enjoyed it.  It made me want to go to Italy again and but fast.

        Reuse. Enthuse. Repeat. http://www.secondhandnation.com

        by Secondhand Nation on Sat Dec 08, 2007 at 03:37:16 PM PDT

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      • We don't have water....just ice. (0 / 0)

        In MN you just have to figure out the secret friendship code. If someone goes beyond just being nice and actually invites you INSIDE their house, they probably like you.

        If they leave you in the -25 windchill, they probably hate you.

        by sangfroid on Sun Dec 09, 2007 at 06:08:10 PM PDT

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      • cold climates (0 / 0)

        I always assumed that it was because you have to keep the peace in cold places. I mean, you're stuck inside for a good portion of the year, right? You don't want to be feuding and stuck in a house with someone! So you make nice. :)

        Mum to DD, born 6/04 and DS, born 4/06, and no more!

        by aussieyank on Mon Dec 10, 2007 at 01:57:12 AM PDT

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  • good thing (0 / 0)

    It is a good thing, to be able to say that when you don't agree.  Something I am constantly trying to work on.  

    I actually rarely disagree out loud with anyone, but I would like to be less judgemental overall, even in my own mind if that makes sense.

    Once in a while we do a book club here and we read this one over the summer, here is the link.  

    I LOVED this book, one of my favorites of all time, if not my favorite in recent memory.

    That's so funny about being embarrassed about what books you buying.  I used to care and I just got over it one day.  I definitely don't care about buying, it was more at the library in our little town.

    by NJmom on Fri Dec 07, 2007 at 07:13:16 PM PDT

    • good thing (0 / 0)

      I've really been mellowing out in terms of arguing with people about my beliefs. I did it a lot in college have always loved debating.

      More and more I'm starting to wonder if people who push  points on others aren't just insecure about their stance. On the other hand, I'm going to teach my daughter not to be afraid to take a stand and let her voice be heard.

      Where can the balance be found?

      oh yeah! I said it!

      by One Crazy Mother on Sat Dec 08, 2007 at 10:23:48 PM PDT

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  • A time and a place. (0 / 0)

    There is a time and a place to defend your principles.  That time is NOT when you are hanging out with your boss and his wife, and in a backwards fashion discover that they are deep, deep RedStaters.  As happened to me recently.  I could have angrily defended gay life, the Dixie Chicks, and several other issues.  But you know what?  For the most part, we were having a nice time.  We had a really MARVELOUS discussion about classic books.  And, I happen to like my job, and the fact that we all get along in the office.  So, here, I just smiled and let it go.  (I made ONE comment about gay people not rubbing off, and that was it.)  I'm not going to change their minds, and if I want to demand the right to live my own life, I have to grant them the right to live theirs.  So be it.

    I learned this lesson the hard way, the day after the 2004 election.  Not a good day to think about, for a myriad of reasons.

    Mom to DD, 3yo, and DS, on the way (Sept 08)

    by tessajp on Fri Dec 07, 2007 at 07:53:27 PM PDT

    • Rule (0 / 0)

      We have an unsaid rule not to discuss politics or religion at my in-laws.  It never ends well.  MIL is Christian conservative and I just basically blow off all her weird comments about marriage, homosexuality, the war on Xmas etc.  It's just not worth it for me to get into it with her about it.  

      Now as for other people, yes... I will call them on their BS, but it depends on the situation and what's being said.  And like you say... it's not like I'm going to change their minds anyway.  

      But what I do find annoying, is that some people find it perfectly okay to voice their opinions to me... yet I feel like it would be rude to voice mine.  Maybe they feel like everyone thinks the same way they do.  :shrug:

      Mom to Grant, 8 and Madeline, 5 1/2

      by 1plain1peanut on Sat Dec 08, 2007 at 09:38:27 AM PDT

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      • agree (0 / 0)

        I agree.  It's best not to discuss when you know you disagree.

        by NJmom on Sat Dec 08, 2007 at 12:15:41 PM PDT

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      • Excellent point. (0 / 0)

        I think you have an excellent point, why is ok for them to push their POV on me, but not the other way around?  But in the end, its still not worth for me to fight on points.  I work in a military environment, I'm used to being the odd duck.

        Ultimately, I think its just a lack of exposure, and living a narrow life.  They're (boss and wife) perfectly ok with black people, for instance, because they know a lot of black people.  They just don't know any gay people.  Or liberal dems other than me, and they don't even know that about me.  >shrug<</p>

        I've got better things to worry about right now.

        Mom to DD, 3yo, and DS, on the way (Sept 08)

        by tessajp on Sat Dec 08, 2007 at 04:05:01 PM PDT

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  • Maybe it's simply an Indian way to say (0 / 0)

    Don't cast your pearls before swine.

    It's not that you can't, but why would you?

    Let your life be a counter-friction to stop the machine. Henry David Thoreau

    by half dozen on Sat Dec 08, 2007 at 10:30:30 PM PDT

Permalink | 16 comments