The second meeting was not better than the first. The agency director began by cheerily telling us that we "passed" the three-hour home visit/psychological evaluation by her handpicked psychologist (and former employee). Well, duh. We knew we were sane, but had more and more doubts about the emotional balance of those with whom we dealt, but we couldn't turn around and demand a psych evaluation from them. My husband presented the four choices, and said we wanted an answer within the week. The agency director looked surprised and said, "This sounds like a negotiation!" What did she think we were there for? We wanted a baby. They prevented us from getting a baby. We were trying to negotiate a way to get a baby.

A few days later, our attorney called and said that the agency had agreed to let us transfer to another agency. Remember, a few months earlier, they had INSISTED that this was illegal and insulting to the Chinese. Now, they said, "Oh, okay." But first, we had to sign away our right to sue them for emotional damages. (Again, I wanted them in jail not sued.) We did this, withholding any claim to money but more importantly for us, we kept our right to talk to anyone and everyone about our situation.

So we waited for them to write the letter to the Chinese, asking to transfer our adoption to another agency. They had to write it, using the Chinese name under which they are registered in China. Through some detective work, we came to understand that the agency was NOT licensed to do China adoptions. Like a number of agencies, they "piggybacked" onto another agency's license, and submitted applications through that agency. This was completely secretive, and since we wanted to adopt, I did what I had to in order to push this along. Once our new agency (they were already working for us for free and trying to find out what happened in China) told us that the first agency had to send a letter on the letterhead of the actual, licensed agency, I called the licensed agency, located in another state. I called five days in a row and BEGGED them to provide the letter or the letterhead to let us complete our adoption. They, and they alone, were standing in the way of our completing our family. Further, the agency we signed with had created a big stinking pile of manure in China, with their name on it.

The licensed agency, located in Pennsylvania, refused to lift a finger for us. Well, they did lift a finger to call the agency lawyer and have him tell us to stop calling them.  Eventually, we got the letter handled and our new agency, a small one in Texas, learned some surprising facts.

First, when they took the letter to the Chinese authorities, they were told that the first agency's facilitator in China told them that we "hated China and were quitting the adoption." The release we signed included the statement that the agency had done NOTHING to damage our chances to adopt in China. The Chinese government was not at all happy to learn that we were nice people who were still trying, months later, to adopt. They also HAD assigned us a child - a daughter whose paperwork was returned (we still don't know the circumstances - if they forged our signature declining or what). We were relieved to hear that the girl was adopted some months later. Still, she had extra months in an orphanage because of the meanness of this agency and its facilitators.

In October, we received an email from our new agency's director, who was in China for meetings and happened to be present in the office when the Chinese assigned us a child. He wrote a short email about "Little Miss Tai Chunyang" who "did not like her photo taken - which I knew meant that the photo we would receive was UGLY but we were not worried about that, at this point.

The next day he emailed again. There was some confusion over the paperwork, and it turned out "Miss Tai" was in fact A BOY! I almost fell off the chair laughing. After all we had endured - we were getting a healthy boy! We further learned that he was really considered a terrific baby and many agencies and others had expressed the hope of getting him for one of their families.

The most amazing thing of all: when we later received his medical report, it turned out that he was born on April 9th. Remember how the agency sent us a letter that we received on April 8th, the one putting the adoption "on hold." April 8th here would be April 9th in China by the end of our day, so while our original adoption was stopped, in China a young woman was giving birth to our son!

Just yesterday, we celebrated our "Gotcha Day" - the day in December when we walked into a hotel in Nanjing and someone called his name and put a plump, happy and extremely adorable baby into my arms. That first photo was just taken on a day when he showed the force of his grumpiness, but when we met, he was content, took to us at once, and even today tells us that he wouldn't want any other parents. We seem to fit well as a family, and our boy is healthy and smart and can be as ornery as I am, which makes him an honorary Texan in my book! My mother had it in her heart that she was getting a granddaughter, but once she saw our baby, she forgot everything else and fell in love with him, as most everyone did when he was a baby.

We see now the strength we acquired from the adoption ordeal, and every bit of it was needed for raising him. We do believe we ended up with the "right" baby for our family. The agencies I mentioned are still operating, and all the complaint letters I filed, with documentation to the misinformation they gave us in writing, the contract demands and all - went nowhere. I helped another family later who had trouble with them and they ended up with a financial settlement that allowed them to adopt, but they could not talk. This is a clever way to shut down criticism. I kept talking, so much that I became unwelcome in local adoption support groups, which had many people who were happy with their adoptions through that agency. I learned a lot about adoption law - in this state, it only discusses domestic adoption, leaving a huge murky area for agencies to partner with any number of shady facilitators, demand bribes, etc. if they want, and parents are left to go along or go to mediation. We felt we could do an honest adoption, and we held to that. It should have been easy. Still, as our attorney said, in the end, WE won. We won because, despite all their efforts to make us quit, we still completed our adoption and got a wonderful and healthy child.