Some seven months into the wait for China to assign us a baby, we received a letter from the agency. They insisted we sign “amendments” to our original contract. We just thought – “how stupid are they?” A contract is a contract. These rules meant we had to buy plane tickets from their “facilitator”(who we did not know) and then, even if we wanted to make our own travel plans, we would still have to buy their tickets and wait around for a refund. It just seemed like extortion to us – lots of vague threats about how dangerous travel was in China, how they would make NOT accommodation for us whatsoever if we did not show up at the exact time for our adoption. Yeah, like we would be shopping for pearls and just blow off getting our baby? Were they serious?

We consulted other agencies, none of whom wanted our business, but who gave us honest answers and solutions. We hired an attorney, and then had to bring him up to speed on Chinese adoption. I can’t say how many people came to our defense, simply because they thought the agency was acting in bad faith and just being sleazy. Probably the worst evening was when this “facilitator” – a guy from New York, called us at home and tried to hound us into agreeing to the changes for over an hour. Why did he call us, when we had no contract with him? Well, the agency let him, which was why we felt the tail was wagging the dog. The facilitators translated documents, provided the Chinese guide – the agency got the big bucks from partnering with these people.

Our attorney tried to reason with them; pointing out all the expert advice we received from others. They insisted “they could only do what their facilitator told them to do.”  Then one day, we heard from another family who was to be in the same travel group that referrals (baby assignments) had arrived and were being translated. The next day, all the families were called except us. One family was told that there was “one less family traveling.” Still, no call.

The following day, April 8, 1999, we got a Fed Ex letter. The agency decided to “put our adoption on hold” because of concerns they had. They thought perhaps we were “not ready for the stress of travel to China.” They insisted that we had two choices: come in for “counseling” with the agency director, who HAD NEVER MET US, but had decided we had adoption issues, or we could QUIT THE ADOPTION. Of course, they would keep the fees paid.

I was at home alone, and the letter felt like a knife stuck deep into my heart. We simply wanted them to honor a contract – this was all a business matter – and they were holding our future hostage. What would you do?