You asked for survival tips and I really hope you mean survival tips for your daughters as well as yourself.

First - Your 4 year old should be in preschool. She is not a baby as you claim, she's a preschooler. You are making her spend her time with someone 1/2 her age and then expecting that she's not going to act like someone 1/2 her age. Unfair! Also, I hope you do not refer to her as a ''baby girl.'' It allows her no room
to work toward becoming a kindergartener, which she will be next fall, or at the latest the fall after that.

Second - A nearly 2 year old is not quite a baby either. You will probably want to transition her to a preschool situation as well. Toddlers love other kids their age; it's how they learn to navigate the world.

Please allow you children to have lives outside of yours. Its how they build a support system they can count on when you are not able to provide what they need. As a single mom, oh hell, even as a married mom, you cannot provide everything they need. Get on a schedule and stick to it. Allow your kids to help. A 2 year old can fold wash cloths. A 4 year old can sort laundry. This can be fun or a drag, it's your choice, please choose wisely. I am speaking from the perspective of a single mom of a daughter who was doing these things from age 2 on, as well as a daughter with a sister of a divorced mother.

And, yes, there are many children who at 18 months have on-going dialogs if they were spoken to and respected as individuals rather than babies. You also need to think about getting a job. This is for your financial survival as well as a perspective on how people think, cope and work with what they have. It will also help your daughters see women and girls as strong and capable.

This is probably not the kind of support you may have been hoping to hear, but it will help you with your self-esteem, the self-esteem of your daughters and your life plan going forward.

Been there, still there and doing that

I can’t imagine my two-year-old folding clothes. Then again, there was this dreamer:

I feel for you! I was raised by a single mother of three. She was off and on welfare, but that doesnt really work anymore because welfare for a family of four is something like $750 a month plus Foodstamps. I think children need thier parents in their early years. Many studies indicate a child's first three years make a huge inpact on who the person is in their life. I would start now with preschool for the 4yo, with maybe three half-days, and then work up to more time. My baby is only one, but I am looking into this awesome preschool by my house because she is super social and I plan to start 2 half days then 3 half days. I had started by going to ''babytime'' at the library where the parents are also present, so I knwo she would love preschool. So even young children can go to preschool/nursery school, you just need to shop around for the right one...

Also, you migth have to suck in your pride, but CalWorks, the welfare program, will help you get retrained for the work force. You may qualifiy for some money that wont be enought to live on, but the major helpful thing they do is pay for things like CHILDCARE. Even after you get a job and are doing fine, they will help with childcare costs for 2 years and it can be the childcare of you choosing. They will also pursue the dad to pay up, so that stress will be off of you. I spent my first year of motherhood finishing grad school (part-time). It is hard, but I only had to go to class twice a week for 3 hours and I had flexibility of when to study. you can get financial aid. I personally think school is easier than ft work when children are small, and you are investing in the future. You need people around you for support. Maybe look for single parent support groups. My mother, when I was 2, helped start a cooperative house. We lived with three other single mothers, and had two mothers that didnt live in the house that were involved. They would all have one day a week that they would watch the kids from 9am to 2pm and every other weekday they had free.
write me if you want to talk more.

Hang in there!

Soni

Like Soni said, I would live near family or friends who would help (I deleted that 'graph because of repetition) before treating my two-year-old like an adult. Then again, all my family and friends work, which is why Soni’s tips aren’t practical. Two or three-day-a-week childcare for a single parent who must earn a living is completely unrealistic. In this sense, Soni is high. But her letter offered helpful tips in terms of the welfare office’s role in providing childcare and even going after the father to pay up. (If this is true. My understanding is it is very hard to receive public assistance due to welfare “reform.”)

Nonetheless, most of the letter-writers were thoughtful and fell somewhere in between. Everyone was in agreement that this woman needed support in the way of family and friends and legal help. I especially loved the suggestion by one writer to leave the children with their father and leave him scrambling for childcare. Then again, it may be child abuse to leave them with someone so aloof and inconsiderate. I don’t know how a parent can leave his own children -- especially with someone who cannot provide for them. What a prick.