Mother Talkers

School agony

by aussieyank

Thu Nov 08, 2007 at 11:48:58 PM PDT

I swore that my first diary here would be an educated, intelligent, appropriate commentary on some significant event in the world. Instead, here I am asking for help in choosing schools. Of course, my children and their education are my world at the moment...like it or not!

My daughter will be four next year. She is currently attending a community school and a Montessori based school. Why two? Because I can't choose between them! The community school is beautiful. It is tiny, and the parents are heavily involved. They teach her social and emotional intelligence, and each child is treasured for their individuality. She could go here until seventh grade. The Montessori based school doesn't fool around with social and emotional stuff, but they are teaching her how to read (she's been asking for a year now), play music, do math, find countries on a map, and other Montessori type things. I also teach her at home, mostly reading and math, but a good dose of science and art by the wayside as well. It sounds like we do nothing but school...but in actual fact, she's only gone from home for two days a week, and we spend maybe an hour a day on focused learning things. So she still has plenty of time for playing and driving me crazy.

Next year is what is called "kindy" in the Australian system. I suppose it's analogous to the American preschool. It's the beginning of "real school" here. And I feel like it's a critical time, where decisions that I make about school now will affect her for the next eight years at least(perhaps I'm being silly...but there it is.) Here are my options, as I see them:

  1. Keep her in both the community school and the Montessori school, which means she'll be away from me four full days a week. Not a lot of time left for me to teach her anything. Or maybe I'm being silly.
  1. Switch from the community school to the Montessori school, as many days or as few days as I would like (probably three?). The Montessori school ends at five years old, and she may not get back into the community school for the following year. However, her best friend is doing just that, so she would at least be in good company. He will be moving back to the US in a few years though, so he'll be attending the International School after kindy.
  1. Switch to our local school. This is a very nice state school (public in the US language). However, it's not particularly advanced, and it doesn't have the capability of catering for a kid that is advanced. I could take up the slack at home easily. She could also go to the Montessori school at the same time, and I'd have time to teach her at home as well. I just worry that the standards are incredibly low, the parents aren't particularly involved, and the older kids are separated completely from the younger ones (my daughter thrives on interactions with older kids).
  1. Give up, pack up the camper trailer, and go traveling for the next 14 years so that I don't have to make any more of these decisions.

I know...you guys can't make my decision for me. But my child is bright, social, enthusiastic, difficult, stubborn, and lots of fun. I want to keep her that way. And I want her to get the best start that she can possibly get. What did you do with your bright kids? Help me!

Tags: school, decisions, montessori, community (all tags)

Permalink | 19 comments

  • asdf (0 / 0)

    Were it me, I'd pick option 4, but I'm well known as radical and I think you weren't real serious about it.

    Option 3 doesn't sound attractive. Yes, the best way to improve an institution like that is from within, but unless you have a committed group of people supporting your ideals and working with you towards that rectification, it would be a battle against the odds. Your description doesn't sound promising for a reform movement.

    Either of the other places sounds lovely.

    I wouldn't be so worried about the friend as I would be if it were a child over 10. Younger kids tend to have a much easier time forming peer relationships that are meaningful to them.

    When we began homeschooling, we decided to assess our progress every year. We've homeschooled now for nine years, and have chosen to continue for at least this school year. Next fall, we reevaluate again. The choice we've made is not written in stone. There is always an option of another school, either private or public, even if you have to get waitlisted for a time. It all depends on life's circumstances and the children's needs.

    Even with homeschooling, we've chosen different curricular material for each of our children, and used different programs from year to year. What I'm saying is that nothing needs to be a firm commitment. You can change your mind if you find your choice wasn't what you'd hoped for.

    One thing to remember is that for a gifted child (or anyone, really), you can't reward a job well done with extra work. Make the main work meaningful enough, so that the child can spend her free time being a curious child in an enriching environment. It sounds like that's what you do at home, and every child should have parents who care so much.

    Maybe if the educational environment is equally wonderful at both establishments, you could take into consideration other issues, like cost and proximity. Education costs tend to escalate year by year in the United States, and starting at a relatively low cost might mean you can save up for later.

    If one school is closer and draws pupils from right in the neighborhood, and if your child's schoolmates were within walking distance, at a certain age they could hopefully run back and forth between each other's houses, and you won't have to drive to every single blessed playdate anymore.

    by jennifree2bme on Fri Nov 09, 2007 at 12:58:01 AM PDT

  • No perfect choice (0 / 0)

    This may not be what you want to hear, but I don't believe there's any perfect choice for school - you weigh the pros and cons and make the best choice you can.  Whatever choice you make, there will be someone who thinks the other choice (probably the one that they made) is a better one. I've learned to make my decision, and then be content with it.

    We've gone through this for both of our kids - and will go through it again as my son approaches Middle School age (12-13).  Our local middle school is mediocre, now we have to weigh private options.

    by Sue in Queens on Fri Nov 09, 2007 at 04:33:21 AM PDT

    • To be honest... (0 / 0)

      What I really want is for someone to make the choice for me! You know...just wave a wand and "poof!" This is the right choice. I think that all the schools and combinations have something going for them, and none are a bad choice. That's the problem. How do you choose between good choices?!

      Being a parent really sucks sometimes...

      by aussieyank on Fri Nov 09, 2007 at 04:46:29 AM PDT

      [ Parent ]

      • Our school is in turmoil (0 / 0)

        because New York City decided to grade schools based on child progress from year to year.  We got a "C".  So, despite having a wonderful school, in which 86%+ of the kids are at or above grade level, parents are now agonizing about what is "wrong" with our school.  I guess this is why the "no perfect choice" comment came on so strong.   Parents can agonize - even when they know their school is a good one, it may not be as perfect as the school a few streets away.

        What I learned this week is there are alot of ways to judge a school - high test scores are the way the the city is judging - but creativity, warmth, a great learning environment are other ways to judge a school.

        by Sue in Queens on Fri Nov 09, 2007 at 01:42:10 PM PDT

        [ Parent ]

      • It would be an interesting exercise (0 / 0)

        to imagine if someone here actually picked a choice for you -- how would you react?  Would you actually take that choice and go with it?  Or if put in that position, would you realize which choice you lean towards...?  If you truly believe that each choice is equal in that they all are very good (but perhaps for differing reasons) then I think you may be stuck where we all get stuck sometimes because we don't want to make a choice that winds up somehow to be the "wrong" one....but probably any choice you make will at some point be challenging as there is no kind of perfection in dealing with any part of this - school, family, children, individuals, teachers, authority, structure..blah, blah, blah.

        It sounds like you have an enormous good fortune to have more than one choice that is wonderful --- but the downside is only that it makes it so darn hard to decide.

        Staying with both might be a good bet since

        1.  You can opt some weeks to keep your child home on a paticular day or days instead of going all 4 days,
        1.  You can pull her out of one as you go along if the situation warrants that or one school becomes more obviously the "right" choice for her.

        karen

        by karen m on Fri Nov 09, 2007 at 02:03:54 PM PDT

        [ Parent ]

  • community (0 / 0)

    I would say stick with the community school, drop the Montessori school. Then you are set until 7th grade.  

    I couldn't quite understand if there was something wrong with the community school though, is it not academic enough?  Or do you just like the Montessori school and are having a hard time breaking from it?  The community school sounds really nice from what you wrote.  

    In any case, that's what I would (I think!).

    Good luck!  

    by NJmom on Fri Nov 09, 2007 at 04:51:23 AM PDT

    • Thanks... (0 / 0)

      At this stage, the community school is really concentrating on the kids' social and emotional development. So not exactly academic at all. Fair enough...they are only three. But that means that for my child, I have to pick up the slack at home. She really really wants to know how to read! And she's absorbing all the other stuff faster than I can pour it into her.

      This is good...it's clarifying exactly what the problems are for me...it's hard to make a decision when you can't see through the fog!

      by aussieyank on Fri Nov 09, 2007 at 05:00:45 AM PDT

      [ Parent ]

      • I'd pick the community school (0 / 0)

        and I'd worry less about "picking up the academic slack" for a three or four year old. she'll learn to read, it will come and she'll probably learn in school or at home but ...she's what? four?  I would cut you all a little slack. Send her to the community school and relax knowing that she will most likely be in a classroom full of other four year olds who are also social, enthusiastic, difficult, stubborn, and alot of fun.  

        she'll be fine.  But then remember I"m the mom who errs so far on not believing her kid is anything special that I swing to the far other end of the spectrum. It's the Yankee in me that says "so what? the world is full of special people...what makes you so different? LOL"  

        by MKatherine1966 on Fri Nov 09, 2007 at 05:29:38 AM PDT

        [ Parent ]

    • I agree (0 / 0)

      The community school sounds great. That makes three of us, so I think you have a mandate!

      If your daughter wants to learn to read, read to her and keep lots of beginning reading books around the house (both of which I'm sure you're already doing). She'll figure it out. I never "taught" either one of my girls how to read, and they both read above grade level.

      Also, their preschool (3 and 4 years old here in the US) sounds a lot like your community school. It really gave them a good start socially and made them 'like' school. You cannot place enough importance on that.

      Good luck!

      by sangfroid on Fri Nov 09, 2007 at 06:52:01 AM PDT

      [ Parent ]

  • Community School (0 / 0)

    My son is in a similar school so I may be a bit biased.  At 3 and 4, I think it is more appropriate to focus on social and emotional development and less on academics.  It sounds like your daughter is very bright and benefits from the academic development you are doing at home. I don't think she would be at any disadvantage learning to do the Montessori type things like music, math, and finding countries on a map at home or later on in her academic career.

    As a teacher, I've seen plenty of bright kids who really would have benefited from receiving more attention to their social and emotional development in the early years.

    However, you know your daughter and probably know what is best for her more than any of us would so take this with a grain of salt.

    by music teacher on Fri Nov 09, 2007 at 07:00:40 AM PDT

  • School agony? (0 / 0)

    Sounds more like school ecstasy. Having four decent options is four more than a lot of people have-- it sounds like wherever your daughter ends up will be a good thing. As someone pointed out, you know her and the schools the best, and you will make the best choice.

    I'll add that I wouldn't worry that you won't have enough time to teach her anything if she's in school four days a week. DH and I teach my son plenty and he's in school five days a week. At this age, most kids, no matter how bright, have the attention span of a fruit fly anyway, so you cram whatever you can into that golden, five-minute window of perfect focus.

    by minnmom on Fri Nov 09, 2007 at 07:15:42 AM PDT

  • I just realized you said you spend an hour or mor (0 / 0)

    a day on 'focused learning things'  Really?  with a four year old?  good lord if I bothered to teach liza how to put her underwear on correctly when she was four  it was a good day...I could never have gotten either one of us to pay attentino for an hour of learnin. I much prefer to leave focused learning to ...you know...school.and teachers..where I don't have to think about it . then again I'm notorious for not checking homework either -- she does it all in her afterschool progrm and I basically just hope for the best... her 3rd grade report card was all As except for a B in handwriting (figures) so I guess so far so good ...LOL

    man Im' such a slacker.

    by MKatherine1966 on Fri Nov 09, 2007 at 07:35:31 AM PDT

    • Don't be too horrified.... (0 / 0)

      Today it was reading a book about a girl and a snowman (picking out letters and words that she knows along the way), then talking about how water freezes, putting a bag of water in the freezer to see what happens, going outside and collecting bugs on the way to the park, counting them and their parts as we went. Not exactly a sitting down sort of lesson. Believe me...she has the attention span of a gnat if she gets an inkling that this might be something that you want her to do! And I certainly have days when she or her brother just aren't in the mood. Then I give up and turn the TV on so that I don't kill them both.

      by aussieyank on Fri Nov 09, 2007 at 03:20:00 PM PDT

      [ Parent ]

  • We spent two years agonizing (0 / 0)

    About what to do with my DS, now in kindergarten. In Delaware we have more private schools per capita than anywhere in the USA, public charter schools, and a public school system that is in disarray but that offers "choice" where you can opt to send your child to any school in the district if you apply early enough and are willing to transport them.

    We had Tommy in a lovely Montessori preschool for four years, where he learned a ton and had an amazing experience. Never once did he complain about having to go to school. But the school only goes through kindergarten, so we couldn't plan to keep him there and had to make a choice. We looked at private and public options.

    I can't count the number of times I told my DH, I'd rather have two good choices than 100 that weren't right.

    Ultimately, here is how we chose: I feel that during the elementary years, family life is as important as anything academic that is going on. We picked the school situation that would allow us the maximum amount of family time and resources to dedicate to our children. That means he is in a school that doesn't completely match my values. (I should note that we also lucked out, as the charter school he got into has a lottery, and his name was picked out of the hat). However, it is the school situation that allowed me to continue working part time, that meant no one had a commute of more than 10 minutes to school or work, and that leaves us with enough income to supplement with some private lessons and to take trips together.

    I think the other very important thing to bear in mind when you are making this decision is that nothing is permanent. You can make a choice, and if it isn't working out, you can change your mind. I think it is easy to get into the mindset that these decisions not only have a permanent and irreversible impact, but that you can't alter your course once you have set down it.

    I don't know if this helps. As far as choosing from the options you listed, Number 1 appeals to me and gives you the most flexibility in the future. Tommy was in school five half-days the year before kindergarten, and I felt like we still had a lot of time together. Now he's in all-day kindergarten.

    Good luck!

    by mpg on Sat Nov 10, 2007 at 08:25:04 AM PDT

  • Great commentary here (0 / 0)

    As a former gifted child, I think that social development and the like is probably more important than academics at this age. And it sounds like both your community school and montessori are lovely choices.

    I would probably choose based on distance and then cost, as well as the parent/child community in each. The less driving you do, the more time you'll have for enrichment, activities, fun, whatever. Think about which parents YOU want to hang out with. Think about which set of kids will be easier to arrange visits with.

    Good luck.

    by shenanigans on Tue Nov 13, 2007 at 09:31:43 AM PDT

  • Thanks so much!! (0 / 0)

    I really appreciate the chance to get it all out of my head and onto the screen...and all of your insightful responses.

    At this stage, I'm leaning heavily toward the community school, with a possible one day at the Montessori school. We may cut out the Montessori school though...I'm not sure yet. My daughter says she likes them both, but she doesn't have any friends at the Montessori school, and it doesn't have a big playground. You can see what she's worried about. :)

    by aussieyank on Tue Nov 13, 2007 at 03:39:59 PM PDT

    • social first (0 / 0)

      As another former gifted child, IMHO social skills are infinitely more important than academic, especially in preschool.  I happen to be a big fan of Montessori, as both of my boys thrived in that environment.  But I also think one consistent environment is preferable to going back and forth, and I'm not sure how much benefit she'd get out of one day per week of Montessori anyway.  The community school sounds wonderful, and from the way you write I suspect it is your true first choice.  But you're lucky to be torn between so many good choices.

      by filzkorper on Wed Nov 28, 2007 at 11:47:21 AM PDT

      [ Parent ]

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