Anyway, on a totally unrelated note, I am emailing you to just chat about a couple things.  I want to be up-front with you that I was a little disappointed to read your latest blog entry on myspace.  I understand that you're stressed with everything and that my folks are not the easiest people to be around (that's not news to anyone), but I still can't help but feel that the blog was a bit inappropriate.  I apologize if this email comes to you as a bit out of line, or as some added stress, but I felt it important to be honest.  I know you mean no harm, but it is pretty insulting to read about how your sister-in-law thinks your parents are a pain via the world-wide-web.  I know it's not all you talked about in your blog, but it struck a chord with me.

I think it's one thing to vent about in-laws amongst friends, or even family, but I don't think that posting something on the internet about how much they stress you out is cool.  It is neither the right forum nor setting... especially because I know that it would really hurt my parents if they were to read it.  I don't want to go and show it to them, because it's not my place... but as you can imagine, I am reacting partially on their behalf.  

I hope you understand that they want to come visit you and the baby out of their overwhelming love for your child(ren).  They don't expect to stay at your house, or that you have to clean up to prep for them, or that you have to stress over feeding them.  They just want to shower their new grandson with love, and I hope that you appreciate that.  They also would like for Rory and Julian to meet family from Argentina who also love them dearly but haven't had the opportunity to meet either of them.  I hope you appreciate how much all of us on this side of the famile really and truly love Rory and Julian, because it isn't everyday that a family is so generous.  If anything, I hope that you could see that much of why they want to come is to ease some of the pressure off of you and help take care of Rory while you attend to Julian.  It's hard enough that you already live so far away, and to feel unwelcome only makes us feel more isolated from your family.

I hope you understand where I'm coming from, and I don't mean to attack you, but I did need to get these things off my chest.  This is a joyous time for you and your family, but also for us.  I would hope you could find it in your heart to welcome, not just tolerate, us at that moment.

As for the deal with the blog and the folks: first off, I'm sorry I upset you.  That truly wasn't the intent, I'm just fulfilling a promise to Pablo to write weekly, and this whole birth thing is weighing heavily on my mind.  Like you noticed, the bit about your folks (and actually family in general) wasn't even the biggest part of the post, and most people didn't even seem to notice it.  In fact, other than your siblings, only 5 people who have ever even met your folks can read it, and that includes DH's freshman girlfriend and BIL's old roommate.  Since it is ABOUT family (mine and yours), I don't feel I can talk to any of my relatives about it, and this is how I was sharing my feelings with my friends.  Unless signed on as you or BIL (or unless forwarded on by other SIL), there isn't really a way for your folks to read it, you know?

Thing is, it isn't your folks that are the biggest stressor.  Yes, they contribute, and I'll explain in a bit, but really what it comes down to is that I'm feeling a bit railroaded in this whole birthing thing by everyone.  In my family (and in Dh's cousin's wife's and most of my friend's) the first few weeks after birth are time for that family.  Since Dh has his time off, it feels like time for he, DD and I to get to know DS and for me to recover (probably from major abdominal surgery again).  That's hard to do with visitors.  

For that reason, I've asked that my mom come up beforehand to help clean and cook and then not come back till mid January, and asked my aunt and uncle and your folks and yor uncle and aunt to come for Thanksgiving so they could see us and DD and say hi, and then to just wait till the first of the year (2 weeks) to come to see the new baby.  Your folks didn't want to come.  My midwife, doula, and all of my birthing books all advise just staying at home and in bed for 40 days after birth to bond, work on breastfeeding and stop bleeding, and that's for people with regular births, not to mention C sections.  

I didn't say your folks were a pain or drove me crazy because I know they do love DD (and DS) to bits.  I really do know that.  I respect that they want the people from Argentina to meet DD and DS , and that there's going to be a bunch of them here the week he arrives.  However, and here's where the your-family-specific worries come in: having strangers in my house when I'm barely able to get out doesn't sound like fun, and yes, your folks do stress me out a little on their own.  Your mom didn't even want to eat at my house when DD was born because it was a mess, and I'd been on bedrest for 4 weeks before birth.  I didn't realize they were going to be offended by the notion last time (neither did Dh) and so we asked for time last time.  They freaked, your Dad yelled and I gave up the only recovery time I had (since school started mere days after they left).  Like you said, they're not the easiest people to get along with, and more stress after birth isn't really what I want (especially combining that with the whole Christmas panic).  And while it may seem fortuitous that all these relatives from Argentina are here right when he makes his appearance, I really am feeling guilted into having people who I've never met, and who Dh has barely seen (since he hasn't been to Argentina in a dozen years) up here mere days after birth.  I'm willing to do it out of love for Dh and respect for your folks' wants, but it isn't what I want, and that's all I was saying in the blog.  And, so you know it is fair, I've got family thousands of miles away, too, and if they were going to be here this Christmas, I'd ask them not to come either, and promise we'd come visit them as soon as we could.  The timing just really sucks on the visit, but because there's nothing to be done about it, I figure a short visit will be fine.  I just can't see why your folks can't respect my wish for 2 weeks.  The only exception to the "please don't visit yet" feeling are Grandma and Grandpa, who I'd love to have any time because I know our, and Rory's, time with them is limited.

Dh and I have talked about when we're going to be able to go to Argentina, and it's a rough topic.  He only gets 2 weeks of vacation a year, and this year, he's using that to stay home when his son is born.  In 2006 we used it all up going to Torrance and in 2005 it was used to stay home when DD was born.  On top of that, tickets to Argentina are $1600 a person, and if we'd gone anytime since DD's birth, it would have cost us nearly $5,000 just in airline tickets.  I also had a job and school, and there's been no way to go, at all.  we simply can't afford it in terms of money or time.  We've discussed going this summer, when we could take both kids, but that makes it nearly $7,000, and I don't have that.  There's also both Dh and my awkward Spanish, and my hesitation to spend my only vacation in a culture I'm not familiar with or comfortable with, and where the only people I know are your folks.

Thing is, when explained to most people, the response I get is "why don't you just say 'no'?"  That's what Dh's cousin's wife did (hid away for weeks) and other friends of mine have just refused to answer the door.  I can't and won't do that because I know why they're coming.  However, your folks do kind of just decide what they want and push for it, regardless of what I want (see the above bit about DD's birth and remember the haircut, and the lack of sign language they'd agreed to do, etc).  I mean, why would they think I wouldn't want DD around for Christmas?  Or that it would be okay for them to take her to a foreign country (especially for the first time) without Dh or I?

And Marina, we don't live that far away.  Yes, it is a long drive, but we do it more than twice as often as your folks do.  It's also $50 each way to fly here, and they don't do that.  We're less than 1/6th the distance SIL has moved away, and that's really just a part of being adults...moving to where the jobs are and where you can afford housing and a good school for the kids.  Your grandparents didn't get on your folks for moving to Missouri, and no one was mad at your aunt and uncle and your parents for living in Livermore.  We come down A LOT (we were just there in Sept and will be back in February, and that's the longest we've ever gone between visits).  And we'd LOVE to see you guys, all of you.  I just was asking for 2 weeks out of the whole rest of the rest of the kids' lives to get set aside for me and my husband to meet my son, and it feels like no one in your family is willing to ackowledge that as a vaild or reasonable wish, and that hurts a bit.