First, some background: DH has a younger brother ("Sid") (the one who got married) and an older sister ("Elaine") (married with 2 kids). All 3 sibs are successful, stable, independent, and normal. All spouses (and I include myself) are also normal and stable. We all have good senses of humor and no major quirks or hangups. The grandkids (my DS and Elaine’s 2 kids) are smart, generally well-behaved, and again, normal. All of us are above-average parents who enforce discipline and stay on top of our children’s development. Everyone lives in the same metro area.

MIL has been married for 40 years or so to FIL, who is quiet but kind and funny. He has diverse interests and is fine in social situations. All his kids love and respect him. He shows affection for his grandkids and is actually quite good with babies and kids, especially for a man of his generation.

MIL is a kindergarten teacher who works 60+ hours per week. She rarely makes time for her kids or grandkids. When she does interact with any of her grandkids, she is purely trying to "assess" them. She does not display any affection or try to get to know them at all. She does not interact with them on their level. I wonder how this woman could have taught kindergarten her entire life when she is so, so, so very bad with kids.

Anyway. You’d think that MIL would recognize how great she has it. All of her kids and grandkids a half an hour or less away. All financially stable with no addictions, arrests, or really annoying habits. Everyone gets along. Her husband, kids, and grandkids are all healthy. Yet she is one of the most negative human beings on the planet. Nothing any of us do is good enough. Elaine is very successful at work, therefore she gets crap for not raising her kids right. DH started his own freelance business a few years ago and has seen amazing success, therefore he is a workaholic. Sid married a girl MIL can’t stand ("Marilyn") (of course everyone else loves her). Every choice her kids make is a bad one. Buy a beautiful old house in a (rich) city neighborhood? The schools must suck. Move to the burbs? Too far away. Grandkid reads a lot of books? Doesn’t do enough "imagination play." Other grandkid (my DS) is into trucks and blocks and heavy-duty imagination play? Needs to learn to sit still and focus. And just forget about the impish, high-energy, youngest grandkid. He must have serious ADD and developmental problems (not even close).

So we had Sid’s wedding this past weekend. DS had several late nights in a row and was just a champ. He was so well-behaved and cute. Complete strangers came up to us and exclaimed over what a good boy he was. MIL’s comment? "How did you get him to behave? Did you bribe him or something?" No, actually (not that we’re above that, but we didn’t need to). DS is just a good kid, which she’d know if she ever spent any time with him. She’s seen him for maybe 10 hours this entire calendar year—and only 4 of those hours were actually spent with him, rather than just occupying the same space). Then she also accused Sid’s new wife Marilyn of not wanting kids at the wedding—the same Marilyn who worked as a nanny for like ten years, who prepared special gift bags for each of the kids in attendance at the wedding. I think she’s actually trying to sabotage her—but no one believes a word she says, because she is so very full of crap.

So more background: Sid’s wedding was very very crowded. They had to limit the guest list to 150 for space reasons. Sid (and DH and Elaine) have three cousins they never speak to. One set ("Sheila and John") has 5 kids under the age of 4 (crazy Xtians). Cousins Sets 2 and 3 have 2 kids apiece. These kids were not invited to the wedding. Why not? Well, perhaps because these kids would take up an entire table at a wedding with only 18 tables. Why devote an entire table to the children of people you never speak to, when it would mean you’d have to leave off people who are actually your friends or close family? So Sid’s three nephews and other several other kids who are close to the families were invited, but not those 9 kids. It caused a big stink. So Marilyn gets accused of not wanting kids at her wedding. Hypocritically, MIL invited about 10 of her friends from work, whom Sid does not know at all. If she really cared about the left-out kids, she could have sacrificed her own friends—but oh no, much easier to pin it on Marilyn.

To add to the mix, she loves spending time with her brother and his wife (the aunt and uncle of DH et al). They live a couple hours away. They are John’s parents and Sheila’s in-laws. DH and his sibs are all bitter that she can make time to spend whole weekends with these people on a regular basis but won’t drive ten minutes out of her way to see her own grandkids. We all have to hear about the 5 Wonder Kids during every conversation. How intelligent, well-behaved, glorious. Never mind that these are the same cousins who could not be bothered to write a single thank-you note for their bridal shower or wedding gifts. Never mind that Sheila looks like she’s aged 15 years in the past four, or that their lifestyle is completely funded by their parents. We get regular updates on their achievements which are numerous and astounding—and MIL never asks about her own grandkids, except in a critical way. Interestingly, there was a rather revealing moment at the wedding as I conversed with John. Remembering that MIL had told me that the three-year-olds were now riding horses by themselves, I asked if his kids were riding horses. He replied no, though the oldest had ridden a pony once. So. It appears that the numerous and astounding accomplishments have been exaggerated at least in part.

Then I got this (probably unintended) dig from the aunt, who said, "So, I hear you’re expecting another! Congratulations! How exciting" "Yes, thank you," I said, "It will be fun." "Well, if Sheila can handle 5, you can handle 2!" Talk about a backhanded compliment. I managed to make some vaguely polite nose like, "Ah." She wandered off. I can only imagine what she hears from MIL about my parenting skills—perhaps that my boy is ill-mannered and I am barely competent to handle one much less two.

I will have to see her at Thanksgiving and endure more criticism. I don’t mind if she says anything about me, really, but DS is off-limits. First of all, he’s mine. Secondly, he really is an amazingly well-behaved 4 year-old. He is social and sweet and imaginative and funny. He does not tantrum, he shares, he does as asked. How dare she cut him down—she has no idea who he is and no idea what she is talking about. I may have to throw a brick at her head.

Anyway, that is my extended MIL rant. Thanks for following.