Mother Talkers

Hump Day Open Thread

by Elisa

Wed Nov 14, 2007 at 10:48:51 AM PDT

The Toy Industry Association just published a list of toys recalled this year. Its toy safety website, ToyInfo.org, also published a Q&A with Joan Lawrence, vice president of the industry's toy safety division.

Everyone knows about the recalls of toys with lead paint. How big is the problem and should parents be worried about toys made in China?

The toy industry is very concerned that lead has been found in the paint in some toys. This is absolutely unacceptable. We have a new initiative to ensure consistent testing and inspection of products so that this does not happen again. For now, two facts can help parents assess the relative risks of toys. First, parents should know that toys are statistically among the safest products in a household. Toy recalls account for less than one percent of the 3 billion toys sold in the U.S. annually. Also, all toys sold in the U.S. must conform to U.S. safety standards, regardless of where they are made. Secondly, medical experts and toxicologists say that a child’s exposure to lead from a recalled toy would likely be minute under normal use. They encourage parents to focus instead on the primary sources of lead in a child’s environment – from paint in old homes, lead in old plumbing, and other environmental sources.

Okay. I understand the industry’s need for damage control. But lead in my children’s toys is unacceptable no matter how low the exposure. What a smarmy response.

The Nanny’s Children Part II: The community at Berkeley Parents Network continues to berate the woman who had a problem with her preschool teacher wearing her baby to class. Here is one more letter from the batch:

You asked if it's ''safe'' for the other children paying tuition. Your concern really isn't about safety, and obviously you have only one child, or you would realize that mommies carry babies while running after their older children on a daily basis.

Let me get this straight: these well-loved, respected teachers (your words) who are making minimum wage or close to it and couldn't even afford to pay for pre-school themselves, are in the wrong for bringing their babies to work?

Your real concern has to do with your cheapness - you feel ripped off. The truth is, you're getting terrific group childcare. Pre-school prices are significantly undervalued because teachers are not paid enough to live on. It's unfortunate that so many people get such great childcare at the expense of the provider, who ekes out a pittance.

It's not unprofessional as you say, and kudos to the director for caring about her community and having a heart. If you really think your child is ''getting the short end of the stick'' being in a situation where everyone is cared about, you should immediately pull your child out of that preschool and go pay as little as possible at some other preschool who is willing to sacrifice their needs for the sake of your child.

OR... you might try to look at it as we all live in this one big community, and we can all choose to be there for each other.

  • ::

Good point. Another professional like a lawyer or a doctor doesn’t have to wear her baby to work because she can afford childcare. But as this reader pointed out, preschool teachers are paid so little that it doesn’t leave much room for childcare.

It sounds like this woman wants it both ways -- affordable childcare and individualized attention for her child. I think this reader was too generous. I would suggest the complaining mom stay home and not nickel and dime her daughter’s caretakers.

Kanye West's Mom: Donda West, rapper Kanye West’s mother, died from a complication related to a tummy tuck and breast reduction surgery. She was 58.

The plastic surgeon who conducted the 8-hour surgery is under media scrutiny for at least two previous malpractice suits and two alcohol-related convictions, according to Wikipedia.

I did not know this, but Kanye's mom worked 31 years in higher education, including a stint as the head of the English Department at Chicago State University. She did this as a single mother to Kanye. Impressive.

Britney’s Mom Blames Herself: I don’t blame Lynne Spears for feeling responsible. She allowed a young Britney to tour on her own as she stayed home with her other children.

Spears, the mother of three children with ex-husband Jamie Spears, is writing a memoir about raising her family in the public eye. "Pop Culture Mom: A Real Story of Fame and Family in a Tabloid World" is set for release May 11, which is Mother's Day.

"I didn't raise my children to have Hollywood careers. This all just exploded in my face, and big dreams became big headaches," says Spears, who recently reconciled with her 25-year-old pop singer-daughter after a period of estrangement.

Can you imagine letting your teenager parade around the world in scanty outfits? I would feel guilty, too.

What else is in the news, MotherTalkers? What are you up to today?

Tags: toy recall, lead, Britney Spears, Lynne Spears, Britney's mother, nanny, childcare, preschool teacher (all tags)

Permalink | 17 comments

  • Britney's mom ... hmmmm (0 / 0)

    I don't mean to be harsh, but you have to be seriously out to lunch to have let Britney be what she was and do what she did in her teens. And yes, the question should be asked: Where was her mom? She could have reined her in, or put some limits on what Britney was allowed to do. I just can't imagine being so hands-off with my kids.

    Regarding the nanny's children ... I haven't been following this discussion closely, but I wouldn't necessarily be OK with a babysitter bringing her kids into my home. A lot would depend on the sitter and the temperament of her child/children. We had a babysitter who once brought her 2-year-old son with her, and he wrecked some stuff in our house and scared our 15-month-old daughter. A baby I would have no problem with at all -- or even an older child who could entertain himself or herself. But bringing one or more toddlers over ... I don't know, we didn't have the greatest experience with this and I wouldn't be eager to do it again.

    by trueblue illinois on Wed Nov 14, 2007 at 11:07:14 AM PDT

  • Is it childcare or preschool? (0 / 0)

    I'm having a hard time digesting this story.  In a pure childcare situation like a nanny I would have no problem with the caretaker bringing her own child as well.  As a matter of fact, if I go back to work, we are considering having someone who is home with four children look after ours.  I've known her since we were kids and her mom was our babysitter before I stopped working.  Her mom is also great.  That was a home daycare and she cared for other children of various ages including some of her own grandchildren.  I always valued the family atmosphere and never felt like my kids received the short end of the stick so to speak.

    Maybe it depends on the provider though.  I could see someone taking advantage of the situation and paying more attention to their own children's needs.

    If it is a preschool, I can see where there are activities where a baby in a sling might be a problem but if there is another teacher in the room it should be fine.

    by music teacher on Wed Nov 14, 2007 at 11:20:07 AM PDT

  • Lynne, Lynne, Lynne (0 / 0)

    you let your pubsecent daughter go out into the world unsupervised by parental authority at an extremely impressionable age - an age where a parent/al authority should be modelling adult behavior with the hope of guiding your teenager into healthy adulthood. You see your daughter hit chronological adulthood with a descent into total trainwreck madness with little or no coping skills, minimal parenting skills, some sorts of mental and drug-abuse problems, and then wonder if letting one daughter go out there alone while staying at home with the other children maybe had something to do with it?!?

    by Rachel on Wed Nov 14, 2007 at 11:20:29 AM PDT

  • Yikes on all fronts (0 / 0)

    The peeps on BPN are really going off on this woman, with name calling and character assassination and all. Then calling for more community mindedness from her. Well, the sanctuary of "community" got a real good showing in that message, didn't it. Never let it be said that right wing nut jobs have a monopoly on self-righteous anger.

    And the whole Britney Spears debacle is just too sad at this point. I do kind of wonder if this troubled young woman is our Hester Prynne. That cut at the VMA awards about her kids being the cutest "mistakes" was just beyond the pale. Not sure a book is a good idea right now. Then again, the way her teen years were handled wasn't that good of an idea either.

    by RachelD on Wed Nov 14, 2007 at 11:50:33 AM PDT

  • BPN (0 / 0)

    I don't think it'd be a problem IMHO for a preschool teacher to have an infant in a sling, but that's my personal opionion. I can accept that some people would have a problem with it and I think it's wholly reasonable for a parent to ask the teacher or the pre-school's director what the plan is and how they're managing the situation.

    by Rachel on Wed Nov 14, 2007 at 11:59:06 AM PDT

    • ITA (0 / 0)

      I feel the same way about all of it. It's fine in concept, but who knows what it looks like on the ground, or what the potential problems could be. So the question seemed valid. It was just a question, ferchissakes.

      Sometimes I feel worn down about the sometimes shrillness of political discourse in Berkeley and San Francisco. Namely, there are aspects of the culture wars here that have the same rage, nastiness, contempt, and lack of ability to see another side, it's just different content than folks with conservative beliefs. And it sucks just as much, imo.

      by RachelD on Wed Nov 14, 2007 at 12:12:30 PM PDT

      [ Parent ]

      • untitled (0 / 0)

        Interesting!  

        I live in a 50/50 red/blue area of NJ and sometimes I hear things can annoy me, but it's rare.

        I am starting to believe that being a moderate is not such a bad thing.  That you can still have your opinion and be moderate in how you treat other people.

        You can have extremists on both side, especially regarding parenting issues!

        by NJmom on Thu Nov 15, 2007 at 08:40:41 AM PDT

        [ Parent ]

    • All I can think of (0 / 0)

      is how DS screamed so much for the first 4 months of his life that it would be impossible to bring him to work anywhere and accomplish anything. Who are these babies that happily ride in slings all day? Not mine, that's for sure.

      by minnmom on Wed Nov 14, 2007 at 12:48:45 PM PDT

      [ Parent ]

      • oh yeah! (0 / 0)

        my dd was the beast and would never have tolerated a sling all day or even for 5 minutes. perhaps i missed part of this but where was it stated how much was being paid for the preschool?  preschools in many cases have gotten downright pricey!  and as for complaining?  i would have wanted to know the policy before committing to a preschool on this issue.  and i would have been peeved had it been sprung on me without discussion.

        i agree that the bigger point is the self righteous tone...pretty high and mighty.

        by parentalunit1 on Wed Nov 14, 2007 at 01:10:22 PM PDT

        [ Parent ]

    • in-home daycare (0 / 0)

      My MiL did in-home care when DH and his siblings were younger, and she really didn't understand why I did not want to do in home care for Lily. I pay more to send her to a preschool/daycare, and there were many reasons for this, all fairly good and non-judgmental of any one else's choice. That said, there was one reason that was ALL ME, all about me, and while I'm ashamed to admit it, here's the thing.

      I'd be jealous. Horribly jealous. Having my child watched by someone in their home, with their things and their children, while I paid them. I knew, in the little black part of my heart that I don't like to talk about, that having someone else's mom make money while I had to leave my kid and go work would make my head explode. I know they are working. I know that most moms who have in-home care are professionals who work hard for the money they earn. I also know that if I gave money to one of those moms I would resent her choice, her ability to stay at home while I couldn't afford to do the same. So I avoided the issue.

      Sounds to me as if this woman has similar feelings she hasn't come to terms with yet. She's most likely jealous that the teacher gets to spend time with their kid when she cannot.

      With Lily going to "school" in my mind, having different "teachers" who can share responsibility, take breaks, and pass kids off to the gym teacher once a day, I'm able to compartmentalize that aspect of it- it's their job. If one of them wore their baby, I'd be fine with it- if one of them had their kid in class, I'd be fine with it, because of the structure. But that's MY ISSUE, no one else's, so I take care of it. Make sense?

      by lilianna28 on Wed Nov 14, 2007 at 01:29:39 PM PDT

      [ Parent ]

      • Good perspective... (0 / 0)

        I never thought of it this way. I, too, get the sense that this mom has "issues" deeper than the fact the preschool let this teacher bring her baby. She came off as a little selfish. But I wonder if she may feel jealous or insecure?

        Good point, Lilianna!

        by Elisa on Wed Nov 14, 2007 at 01:53:24 PM PDT

        [ Parent ]

      • reasons (0 / 0)

        There are lots of reasons to go with center care over home-based care.  More reliable.  The teachers and caregivers have each other in case they get stressed.  Regular and scheduled breaks.  A director holding it all together.

        In-home daycares are great if it's just the right fit.  I think some moms like them because they like to know that their children are in a home, rather than a center.  But it all really depends on the situation.

        Kudos to you for being so open and honest with yourself about your feelings.  I think we could all do ourselves a favor if we were more like that  : )

        by NJmom on Thu Nov 15, 2007 at 08:52:19 AM PDT

        [ Parent ]

  • Wow (0 / 0)

    Wow, I can't believe this BPN thing is still going on on there.

    Well, actually, I can.

    I think there is one big difference here between a mom in a home running around after a few kids with a baby in a sling and a preschool teacher with a baby in a sling.

    In a home, generally there aren't 15 kids in the room and it is not an institution by nature.  Sure, things get done and children must be taught and played with, but it can happen on its own time. Or tomorrow.  Or the next day.  And you have different ages.  So a four-year-old can amuse themselves for a bit while the infant is tended to.  So even in an in-home daycare, or a in-home caregiver situation, a caregiver raising her children or bringing her children doesn't seem to be a problem.

    I would not be happy if my preschool teacher started wearing a baby in a sling one day.  Things run well in the classroom, but it is a finely-turned machine and let's face it, and I can't see how an infant in a sling wouldn't detract from the care of the entire group.

    Preschools/daycares are different than a home.   There are multiple children of the same age.  There are routines that have to be followed or chaos will ensure.  The staff/children ratios are generally higher.  I don't see how a baby in a sling fits in there.  Definitely not a plus for the children in the room and not a plus for the baby or the mom.

    I don't know what the answer is for this mom.  Maybe a reduced or free rate in the infant room?  Of course, a paid family leave for a year would help a lot of women stay home for that first year and sling themselves into bliss.  

    by NJmom on Thu Nov 15, 2007 at 08:48:36 AM PDT

Permalink | 17 comments