Mother Talkers

Homework for Parents?

by minnmom

Thu Oct 04, 2007 at 08:57:15 AM PDT

Should parents be required to revisit their high school years? My initial reaction reveals my uber-geeky nature: "Sounds fun!" But I might feel differently if actually forced to do this...-Erika

Today's New York Times had an interesting article about a teacher who assigns homework to the parents of his high school English students. They are expected to write essays on the same topics their kids are studying. If they don't comply, their kid's grade suffers.

The point, he said, is to keep parents involved in their children's ' education well into high school. Studies have shown that parental involvement improves the quality of the education a student receives, but teenagers seldom invite that involvement. So, Mr. Frye said, he decided to help out.

''Parents complain about never getting to see their kids' work,'' he said. ''Now they have to.''

Some parents, he added, seem happy to revisit their high school years.

''There was one parent last year who would write pages and pages of stuff. It was great, so good to read,'' said Mr. Frye, who graduated from Montclair High in 1994.

Others are more resistant. ''When my daughter told me about the homework, I looked at her and said, 'You've got to be kidding me. I graduated. I'm done,''' said Lydia Bishop, a local real estate broker whose daughter Vanessa was in Mr. Frye's class last year. ''I did it very resentfully, but I did it.''

My first (and second and third, and probably last) reaction is No F-Ing Way. Not in high school. Grade school, sure. But high school? I am so over writing bullshit essays for power-tripping teachers. I don’t want some teacher, who knows nothing about me or my family, presume to "improve my relationship" with my child through their homework. I also think high school is a time when kids learn how to forge independent relationships and build self-confidence, and requiring regular intervention of parents diminishes this.

My friends all seemed to think it was a great idea (none of us have high school aged kids yet). One commented that she wished her parents would have helped her more and been more involved in her school work.

When I asked my mom for help with my homework, I always got lower grades. She over-thought EVERYTHING. I only ever asked for help with English (she was clueless in math and science) and never asked her help past first quarter, 10th grade, when I caught on to the fact that I was better at playing the game than she was.

So, MTers, am I out of the mainstream here? Should I happily revisit ninth grade English (and can I add I really didn't like English classes, despite my love of reading and writing)? What would you think if given an assignments like this from your kid's high school teacher?  Did your parents help you with homework?

Tags: high school, homework, parenting (all tags)

Permalink | 57 comments

  • No way. I've been to high school, (0 / 0)

    and I have a sneaking suspicion that this teacher really just wants to see what the parents think, what there education level is, etc.  A parents' performance should not influence a child's grade.  I also have to wonder if this teacher would have different expectations of the students based on what he/she thought about the parent.  Maybe this wouldn't be a conscious response, but I can't help but think it would happen.

    I didn't mind a few projects in elementary school that required by help, but to be honest, I have a problem with elementary teachers that purposely assign homework that they know requires the parents help.  A couple of my kids had such a teacher in second grade...she willingly admitted that she assigned the "hard work" for homework so the parents could help.  Hello?  Did that mean she just did the "easy stuff" with the kids every day?  If I wanted to be the one to teach my kids all of the difficult material, I would home school.  This also poses a grave disadvantage to children who don't have parents around in the evening to help them.

    by tjb22 on Thu Oct 04, 2007 at 09:11:05 AM PDT

    • elementary homework (0 / 0)

      Someone told me once that now that teachers have to spend so much time teaching the test, if there's other stuff they want to do but don't have time for they send it home.  I guess I don't mind helping them with history and science and stuff, but they really should be getting that at school.  I don't know if this really happens, maybe just a mommy-urban-myth thing.

      And no no no way would I want high school homework for myself.  High school should be when they are learning to handle all the homework without us, right, if they're going to be able to handle college or the real world?  And much of my homework in HS was such BS and a waste of time the first time around.  I do not want to do that again!

      by hazel on Thu Oct 04, 2007 at 11:20:09 AM PDT

      [ Parent ]

      • Well, the second grade teacher (0 / 0)

        that we had this problem with was before NCLB and state testing.  

        Several years ago, I knew a few retired teachers who were very much of the mind that any time a child required help or assistance outside of the classroom it was an indication that either expectations were unrealistic or the instructor was not doing an adequate job.  I wouldn't go that far, but I do believe that when sizable numbers of students seem to be needing "tutoring" or other help to pass tests then we need to look at why that might be the case.  

        by tjb22 on Thu Oct 04, 2007 at 11:55:39 AM PDT

        [ Parent ]

  • Ugh (0 / 0)

    No, no, no.

    Leaving aside the point that our papers are Already In, this is unfair for the students who don't have parents with as much education or free time as others.

    Katherine

    by pat of butter in a sea of grits on Thu Oct 04, 2007 at 09:14:44 AM PDT

    • Also, what about (0 / 0)

      non-English-speaking parents?

      Katherine

      by pat of butter in a sea of grits on Thu Oct 04, 2007 at 12:36:27 PM PDT

      [ Parent ]

      • In the article (0 / 0)

        the teacher says non-English speaking parents can e-mail or call him on the phone with their responses. Still not exactly accomodating, since you have to be able to read the English in order to respond to it.

        by minnmom on Thu Oct 04, 2007 at 12:41:44 PM PDT

        [ Parent ]

        • ??? (0 / 0)

          What part of "non-English-speaking" was unclear to him?  If I don't speak English, how am I going to a) understand your directions for the assignment, like you said, and b) talk to him about it?  Especially on the phone, when all the non-verbal communication and context clues are missing?  

          Does he mean the parent can call him and give him the assignment, over the phone, in the parent's native language - whatever it may happen to be?  Because that, I'd like to see.  (If he teaches in my little Dallas/Ft. Worth suburb, I hope he's fluent in Tongan.)

          by Reina Criss on Fri Oct 05, 2007 at 10:36:49 AM PDT

          [ Parent ]

  • I"m already up to my ass in alligators (0 / 0)

    just trying to keep a handle on getting my kids to do their homework in grade 2 and grade 4...not going to happen in high school.  

    I wish parents would stop helping kids with stuff so much.  When my son made his cub scout car for the derby it was so fricky obvious that parents had helped (...cough...totally taken over...cough) building and painting many of the other cars.   My son did a great job for a 6 year old but next to the professionally painted Lightning McQueen car it looked sloppy.  Let kids do their own work, people...I mean, I know the MTs are doing that but aaaaaaagh.... there are people out there with too much time on their hands....

    Okay, what were we talking about again?  Oh yeah...if my kid had a teacher like that I'd get them to drop the class.  BTDT...not going back.

    I childproofed my house but they got back in somehow.

    by lonestar canuck on Thu Oct 04, 2007 at 11:31:56 AM PDT

    • Ah...see my post below. (0 / 0)

      This was a serious problem in my oldest kids' elementary school.  Ofcourse, the homework was often excessive and I have to admit being one of those parents who occasionally gave into the pressure.  It seemed like a game...I can't believe the teachers weren't aware that this was happening, but I guess it suited everyone's needs.  

      Ofcourse, the kids who didn't have parents willing or able to participate in this "game" were truly unfortunate.  

      by tjb22 on Thu Oct 04, 2007 at 12:02:07 PM PDT

      [ Parent ]

      • See but "help" is one thing (0 / 0)

        and doing the whole project for the kid is another.  We do go over stuff and practise facts and make suggestions when they're working but I'm so not doing their project for them.  I don't feel the stories about mom being up all night building the diorama for junior is cute at all.  I'm prepared to help with time management for projects and drive to the library and suggest things but I'm so not doing the project.  

        If it's a game then I don't want to play.  I want them to do it themselves and be proud of good quality grade 2 or grade 4 work.  I want it to be their best and not my best.   But maybe I'm a freak...

        I childproofed my house but they got back in somehow.

        by lonestar canuck on Thu Oct 04, 2007 at 12:21:31 PM PDT

        [ Parent ]

        • no, you're not a freak (0 / 0)

          You're just a mom who wants her kids to take their accomplishments (and their lumps) all for themselves.  Isn't that the way it's supposed to be?  Seeing the results of all your hard work (or not)?  It really bugs me to see parents take the pride out from under their kids by doing things for them.  And, yes, I realize that means my kid's not going to an Ivy League school.  Good thing I can live with that.  

          Where I live, I kid you not, parents hire architects and contractors to build their children's 4th grade mission project.  Something seriously wrong with that.  In one of the "good" districts, the teachers freely admit that their scores would not be so high if every single student in their honors and AP classes was not also receiving private tutoring.  Kind of makes it hard to figure out where "even playing field" begins and ends.

          Same thing happens in private schools, though.  A friend pulled her kids from the Armenian school because the teacher sent home work that she had not already taught.  So the homework wasn't practice, and the parents were the teachers.  

          by mamacita on Thu Oct 04, 2007 at 12:47:05 PM PDT

          [ Parent ]

          • Even on a smaller scale I can find (0 / 0)

            if offensive.  I recall when one of my kids was in 3rd or 4th grade and was assigned a science project.   They had a list of choices, one being making a model of the solar system.  Ofcourse, I wanted my child to get a good grade, so I went to the craft store and forked out close to $50 for materials.  It occurred to me that kids were indeed being graded on their parents' ability to pay for such materials.  

            by tjb22 on Thu Oct 04, 2007 at 01:18:46 PM PDT

            [ Parent ]

    • Ha! (0 / 0)

      'Up to my ass in alligators' is my new favorite phrase. My eternal thanks to you...

      by sangfroid on Thu Oct 04, 2007 at 03:34:22 PM PDT

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  • homework is for kids (0 / 0)

    I am/was a middle school teacher, and was very firm that homework should be done by the kids, and only by the kids.  Parents responsibilities include setting up a place (and maybe a time) where homework can be done and, depending on the kid, checking to see if the work was completed.  I specifically did not want parents working with their kids, since I don't really care how well their parents can do middle school homework.  And, as someone mentioned above, it creates a very uneven playing field for kids from different kinds of homes.

    I had a student turn in work in her mom's handwriting, and the mom got defensive when asked about it!  Her daughter didn't have time to finish it, she said.  I remember when I was in 6th grade and a classmate's mom wrote the whole final year project for her, and then only got a B!    I lost a whole lot of respect for my MIL when my husband (who is a genius, seriously) told me that his mom used to finish his homework when he got tired and cranky.

    by Treena on Thu Oct 04, 2007 at 11:33:41 AM PDT

    • See, and my parents were high school teachers (0 / 0)

      and it would be a Frosty Friday in July when they'd have done my homework for me.   In fact my mother was my grade 12 math teacher...she would have recognized her own handwriting for sure.  

      I childproofed my house but they got back in somehow.

      by lonestar canuck on Thu Oct 04, 2007 at 11:38:08 AM PDT

      [ Parent ]

    • Thank you. (0 / 0)

      I have a theory about this based on the elementary school my oldest children attended.  I do believe that many of the parents were doing much of the homework assigned to kids and that this led teachers to believe that these kids had a much better grasp of the material than was actually the case.  

      Ofcourse, the flip side is that too often, way too much homework is being assigned...however, rather than doing it for kids, I'd rather see parents address the excessive homework.

      by tjb22 on Thu Oct 04, 2007 at 11:58:32 AM PDT

      [ Parent ]

  • Very strange (0 / 0)

    ''Parents complain about never getting to see their kids' work,'' he said. ''Now they have to.''

    Well, if that is the goal, why does he not assign the parents to read the kids work and make, I don't know, three comments on what they thought was good and what they thought needed improvement. He could also give the parents some tips on how to make constructive criticism and give them a list of the educational goals for the assignment so that parents would know what they were looking for.  

    But I don't think this is about helping the parents or even the kids. It's bizaarely controlling and paternalistic and totally insensitive to different family issues his students might be having, which would be out of their control. Not to mention parents who don't write or speak English well.

    What a doofus.

    by RachelD on Thu Oct 04, 2007 at 11:39:15 AM PDT

    • Why not just have the parents (0 / 0)

      sign homework?  A lot of teachers do this.  

      by tjb22 on Thu Oct 04, 2007 at 12:02:58 PM PDT

      [ Parent ]

      • Heh heh. (0 / 0)

        My third grade teacher used to require that our parents sign our homework books every night.  And I always forgot.  So one day while she was going around checking the books, I passably forged my mother's handwriting.  And I got away with it!  Which unleashed this orgy of forging my mother's signature on EVERYTHING, regardless of whether or not I would get in trouble for forgetting to ask her.  This continue until one day in class, when the teacher required us to rewrite our spelling tests in class and take them home and get a parent to sign them.  I, being 8 and stupid, immediately forged my mother's signature at the top of the page, and then like a total moron and ass-kisser, took my completed assignment to the teacher to show her.  She didn't turn me in, because my mortification and embarassment came through loud and clear, and I never did it again.  But it makes me laugh now to think of it.

        I told my mother years and years later about this, and she was outraged that the teacher fell for an 8 year old's forging of her signature.  Mom has a very tight and neat signature, and really, there is no way I did a good job with it.  

        by tessajp on Thu Oct 04, 2007 at 08:59:08 PM PDT

        [ Parent ]

        • Aha...you were a lucky girl. (0 / 0)

          And smarter than my son.  When he was in third grade, his reading assignment each night was simply to read for 20 minutes.  A parent had to sign a sheet verifying that the child had indeed read for 20 minutes.  Well, one night I suppose we forgot to sign.  My son, not wanting to get into trouble, took it upon himself to "forge" a signature.  On the line where the parent was supposed to sign, my brilliant son wrote "Dad".  

          I got a very irate phonecall from his reading teacher.  When I heard what he did, I was laughing so hard that I almost couldn't hold onto the phone.  Ofcourse, the teacher was indignant.  Seems she could not get him to confess that he had signed this.  He kept insisting that his father did indeed sign all documents as "Dad".  This made me downright hysterical.  I guess the teacher was quite offended at my attitude as she hung up on me.

          by tjb22 on Thu Oct 04, 2007 at 09:12:13 PM PDT

          [ Parent ]

          • I did the same thing in 3rd grade (0 / 0)

            I tried to forge my mother's signature and did a totally unbelievable job at it - I signed her maiden name, thinking that the teacher would think she used her professional name to make it all official-like. Unfortunately, my mom didn't take it with the sense of humor you did. Whooo, boy.

            by Rachel on Thu Oct 04, 2007 at 11:15:51 PM PDT

            [ Parent ]

            • Well, I did have a talk with my son. (0 / 0)

              I guess I'm a rebellious soul, because quite frankly, it irked me that a child could be that scared of a teacher because a parent had forgotten to sign a slip of paper.  And he was that scared of this teacher...and frankly, that sucks.  He was so scared that he kept sticking to his story, and assured this teacher, over and over, that his dad did sign checks as "Dad".  I'm sorry, but hearing that tight ass teacher literally go into vapor lock over this just put me over the edge...and I laughed.  And the more outraged she became, the more I laughed.  And she hung up on me.  Very grown up of her, huh?

              by tjb22 on Fri Oct 05, 2007 at 08:58:06 AM PDT

              [ Parent ]

          • No sense of humor (0 / 0)

            If I were the teacher, I would have been laughing as hard as you were.

            Katherine

            by pat of butter in a sea of grits on Fri Oct 05, 2007 at 09:19:49 AM PDT

            [ Parent ]

            • No sense of humor, (0 / 0)

              and quite frankly, this teacher was just mean.  She was the type who would have punished my child for not having a piece of paper signed.  I also have a feeling she would have enjoyed doing so.  There should be a rule that in order to teach third graders, you have to at least LIKE children.

              by tjb22 on Fri Oct 05, 2007 at 09:25:03 AM PDT

              [ Parent ]

              • I wonder if (0 / 0)

                there were more teachers back in the day who didn't like kids, but who were doing it just because there were so few job options open to women.  If you could be only either a secretary, teacher or a nurse then your options were really limited.  Nowadays you'd hope that people don't get into teaching if they don't like kids.

                Katherine

                by pat of butter in a sea of grits on Fri Oct 05, 2007 at 10:19:39 AM PDT

                [ Parent ]

                • You'd like to think it would work that way... (0 / 0)

                  Honestly, though, the group that I have had the most trouble with are those who demographically should be my best pals...white middle class women close to my age.  Now, I don't have problems with all white middleclass women my age, but if someone is rubbing me the wrong way, you can almost bet that they fit that description.  I think there are a few who go into teaching because they believe that they have all the answers.  And even though I'm part of the white middleclass woman crowd, is there any group who believes this more?  There's a strain of political liberalism that can be just as closed-minded and authoritarian as any conservative.

                  And, ofcourse, if there is an off-the-wall lunatic out there any place in the world, I'm guaranteed to cross paths with them.  I must have done something really, really bad in a past life.

                  by tjb22 on Fri Oct 05, 2007 at 10:26:26 AM PDT

                  [ Parent ]

                  • Funny (0 / 0)

                    This part:

                    I think there are a few who go into teaching because they believe that they have all the answers.  And even though I'm part of the white middleclass woman crowd, is there any group who believes this more?

                    Well, funny and sad at the same time. Your comment makes me wonder if some teachers get defensive for the same reason some mothers get defensive: they are taking the comments as a hit on their ability to nurture. Plus, to be a teacher, a person really needs to believe in the authority of the position and want to be in that position. A position of authority that is heavily unequal, too. The teacher has no peer in the classroom.

                    The sad part is that these caring professions are heavily populated by white women, even though culturally we are a total disconnect with many people we serve. I am saying "we" because this is a major problem for therapists and psychologists, too. At least in our profession, a major part of our training is to learn to use the authority of the position for the benefit of the client, not to satisfy our own "stuff." Control issues, feeling like we know best, shadow aspects of our personalities, all of that - it's right out there as a major part of our development. These issues don't get much air in teacher training.

                    RachelD

                    by RachelD on Fri Oct 05, 2007 at 12:02:07 PM PDT

                    [ Parent ]

                    • Add to that (0 / 0)

                      that educators are usually only in a position of pseudo control...and I don't think its coincidental that in most buildings in my district, the union rep will one of the few male teachers in the building.  These teachers have so many people trying to make them toe several different lines all at one time that its no wonder morale is so low in so many schools.

                      I can't speak for other cities or areas of the country, but along the "white women" thoughts, we are due to have a serious crisis in minority representation in our schools.  A good number of the minority educators are due to retire within the next decade or so.  There aren't younger ones there to take their place.  A lot of this has to do with hiring policy...its keeps the district from being able to properly recruit.  So, as the number of minority students rises, the number of minority teachers is plummeting.  I can't help but think that this is going to cause even more problems.  

                      Being a white, middleclass female myself, I can't fault others for being such...however, in some ways, this does place them in a position of defensiveness, no way around it.  Whether they are best positioned to work effectively with populations that are from very different backgrounds is up for debate, but in the end, they can't help who and what they are and I'm sure feel as if they occasionally need to apologize.  And ofcourse, there are those who just can't get past who they are and are carrying around a lot of uninformed opinions.

                      As a mother of seven kids, I can certainly understand not being able to turn off my bossy mommy attitude.  I've caught myself using that tone with other adults.  I imagine this is something teachers have to deal with as well.

                      by tjb22 on Fri Oct 05, 2007 at 12:13:22 PM PDT

                      [ Parent ]

    • If a parent wants to see her kid's work (0 / 0)

      why doesn't she just ask the kid?
      "Hey, I noticed you've been working really hard on that paper.  Would it be okay with you if I read it before you turned it in?  I'm curious to see what you wrote, because you seem to have put a lot of thought and effort into it."

      Someone below brought up the very good point of multiple siblings.  My first thought was, "So what if every one of my kid's eight teachers chose to assign parental homework?"  So, the parent has a full-time job, and housework, and motherly and wifey duties, and - perchance - a life and interests of her own, and now, on top of all that, she has to do homework for eight different high school classes?  Are you serious???

      Making parents do homework is not going to make parents pay more attention to the kid's work - when is the parent going to have time?  This idea is stupid.  It's one of those that, at one point, may have sounded good on paper (probably, as some other people have suggested, as joint projects where parents and kids worked together to learn about family history, etc.) then somehow developed into this ridiculous thing.

      How would this guy do, if he were assigned calculus homework every night, on top of the lesson planning and grading for his own class?  Let him try that for a few weeks.

      Also, I can't believe he has not been sued yet for penalizing students if the parents don't do the work - or don't do it well enough.  How in 'tarnation is he getting away with that???

      by Reina Criss on Fri Oct 05, 2007 at 10:30:01 AM PDT

      [ Parent ]

  • This guy, of all people, should understand that (0 / 0)

    parents complain.

    In a school situation, complaint functions as a type of currency.  Parents complain about good teachers, bad teachers, good facilities, bad facilities, good programs and bad programs.  

    In public schools.  And especially private schools.  There is no way to please everyone who complains.  Certainly assigning themes will get you nowhere.  

    When I was a teacher, I answered my complaints promptly and quietly let the parent complain until they were dizzy by their own verbiage.  If they asked me why I wasn't saying anything, I'd explain I was taking notes.  Then they shut up.  Then I'd rephrase their complaint and promise to do better.  Usually that was the end.  If not, that kid would be in another class next year and the whole cycle would continue, with another teacher.  Ah, constancy...

    But to think you could convert complaining parents into happy theme-writing campers?  Puh-leeze.  Then what would you do with the papers?  Actually read them?  What teacher has time?  Or patience?

    Reuse. Enthuse. Repeat. http://www.secondhandnation.com

    by Secondhand Nation on Thu Oct 04, 2007 at 12:06:00 PM PDT

    • That's a little dismissive of parents (0 / 0)

      who have valid complaints....

      by tjb22 on Thu Oct 04, 2007 at 12:09:41 PM PDT

      [ Parent ]

      • Yes. (0 / 0)

        I was not dismissive of valid complaints, of which, I received a few.  

        Valid complaints, to me, range from issues involving legal action and personal abuse to questionable classroom materials, grading systems or policies.  

        Quibbling over pedagogy, classroom activities, book selection, the fact that parents don't know exactly what happened every day, every minute, etc?  Dismissed.

        Reuse. Enthuse. Repeat. http://www.secondhandnation.com

        by Secondhand Nation on Thu Oct 04, 2007 at 12:20:39 PM PDT

        [ Parent ]

        • Parents need to try to understand (0 / 0)

          that teachers often have little control over what it is that they are complaining about.  And I agree that there are certainly parents who are almost obsessive in their need to control a classroom and I certainly know parents who want their children to receive what amounts to an unfair advantage.

          However, there are teachers who view any question by a parent as being "interfering" and there are actually those who have skins that are a little to thin.  I say this as a parent who made a teacher cry because I wrote her a very respectful note asking her about a reason my then fourth grader was being punished.  I just wanted to hear her side of the story...but this, to her, was me being "over critical" and "mean".  

          by tjb22 on Thu Oct 04, 2007 at 01:14:34 PM PDT

          [ Parent ]

          • well, that's insanity (0 / 0)

            I got called on some punishments once, but that's expected - bad feelings all around.  I never cried, though - first year teacher?  Was it an off day?  Was she having a bad year?  Good god.  

            You gotta be ready for questions on your policies or you're gonna sink, that's for sure.  Especially as a new teacher.  

            Most of my petty complainers were former homeschooling moms (it was a relig. school) who couldn't grasp the concept that I didn't have time to crawl up their kid's nose and inspect every little thing they did from every possible vantage point.  

            Reuse. Enthuse. Repeat. http://www.secondhandnation.com

            by Secondhand Nation on Thu Oct 04, 2007 at 02:09:12 PM PDT

            [ Parent ]

            • You know, if there is a disturbed person (0 / 0)

              anywhere, I'm the one who's path they always manage to be in.  Seriously.  Another teacher compared my son to her pet dog...when I was a wee bit offended, the principal asked me to overlook her statement as she was "having personal issues".  Sorry...do I look like I'm volunteering to be these people's therapist?

              And the parents that expect their child to get the teachers undivided attention every minute of every day?  I have no patience with that type, either.  Often, the want their child to get the attention at the expense of mine and everyone elses.

              by tjb22 on Thu Oct 04, 2007 at 09:24:11 PM PDT

              [ Parent ]

  • This is nuts! (0 / 0)

    I don't see how making parents do the same assignment, but separately, makes them more involved in their children's schoolwork.  It doesn't seem to me that that necessarily lets a parent know how a child is doing with the same assignment. Besides, isn't that what conferences and report cards, etc. are for?  

    As the student, I would hate to have my grade dependent on something over which I may have no control.  Let's say I'm doing A work, but because my parents were out of town and didn't get something turned in, I'm now down to a B?

    It makes me wonder if it would be OK with the teacher if his pay/promotion was partially determined by the behavior of someone in his family!  I think for most us, the answer would be no.

    Margaret
    therebyhangsatale.com

    by mefpdx on Thu Oct 04, 2007 at 12:13:40 PM PDT

  • What a jerk! (0 / 0)

    Could you imagine a family with a lot of siblings going through this guy's class?  Sounds like someone is on a power trip and I can't believe his admin. would back him up on this one.

    When I was a junior in high school, my grandma had quadruple bypass surgery and almost died.  My mom did the lion's share of nursing her back to health and spent every evening in the hospital with her for months and then when she was finally home she did a lot of home care.  I couldn't imagine dealing with a teacher like that under those circumstances.  What about the parents who work 2-3 jobs?  Ridiculous.

    by music teacher on Thu Oct 04, 2007 at 01:05:45 PM PDT

  • wouldn't mind it (0 / 0)

    and probably wouldn't have thought twice about it. You've all made great points though, that I would have missed- like, am I being quizzed to see what my skill set is? Is this a power-trip kind of thing?

    Parents do need to be more involved in their children's school experience. That's something I would wager any teacher would tell you- my husband says it again and again. And the parents that are involved are generally not the ones that need to be, hence the idea that when a parent is involved things run better. That said, have the assignment be to interview a guardian / parent and write a paper. Have it be an information-hunt that requires parental participation. Less manipulation, more parent involvement. Done.

    by lilianna28 on Thu Oct 04, 2007 at 01:17:43 PM PDT

    • My high school kids all had (0 / 0)

      projects similar to what you suggest.  They had assignments in writing about family history, their siblings, events that had occurred in their parents or grandparents lives, etc.  I thought these were wonderful ideas.

      However, when your child's teacher starts bossing you around, you should think twice about it.

      by tjb22 on Thu Oct 04, 2007 at 01:21:22 PM PDT

      [ Parent ]

    • Cycle (0 / 0)

      Isn't it a cycle though?  

      The parents who are involved don't need to be, but the reason they don't need to be involved, is because they have been involved all along.  

      Then the reason that some parents do need to be involved is because they haven't been involved, so things regarding school have been neglected?

      by NJmom on Fri Oct 05, 2007 at 05:34:30 AM PDT

      [ Parent ]

  • school board time! (0 / 0)

    i would be storming the administration if this happened to my dd. and parents asking to see their kids work? how about at open house night have the binders out for parents to peruse.  not enough? then make a time for parents who want to see so that they can come in and take a peek.

    as for homework in general.  i rarely got involved with dd's homework, even when she was younger.  i of course made sure she did it and answered a few questions.  but if she had trouble, she was directed back to her teacher.  ok, my kid was and is a good student.  but i watched parents type up their kids work, heavily correct it before submission up to and including actually doing it for them.  my contribution was brainstorming ideas and that was it.

    i have enjoyed many of dd's classes, particularly english.  i frequently will read or reread books she is discussing in class. i only do this for my enjoyment.  but being assigned an essay by a teacher?  no way.

    by parentalunit1 on Thu Oct 04, 2007 at 01:32:18 PM PDT

  • OMG (0 / 0)

    I just got a massive shiver thinking about having my mom writing an essay along with me. oooohh, scary scary. Jebus.

    This is effing ridiculous, for all the reasons ennumerated above. The one - and only one - good thing I'd see is that it could help a teacher see if a parent is writing the child's essays. Most people aren't smart enough to develop two distinct writing styles.

    I officially fired my mother from homework duty when I was in 6th grade; before, she would demand to see my homework each night and would go over it for mistakes and leave me to correct them. It drove me absolutely mad - like, screaming match mad, as I often felt that she was correcting style and forcing me to put in points of her own thinking on book reports and such - until I told mom to let me rise and fall on my own strength. Homework became a much pleasanter (relatively speaking) activity after that!

    I will give my mother credit, though; in terms of projects and stuff, she never stepped in and actively tried to take over, and she mandated that I take responsibility for planning and shopping for supplies. She'd go and get things, and if I had a question on how to construct or how to trace something, she'd assist, but she wouldn't take over. A lot of my projects definitely looked homemade  by an 8-year-old, but they were always all my work.

    by Rachel on Thu Oct 04, 2007 at 03:33:56 PM PDT

  • No freakin way (0 / 0)

    I've done high school.  I've also done college.  I'm an involved parent who helps with homework when needed, and probably offers more writing advice than either child wants.  :-)  I also have homework - bills, laundry, dishes, meal planning, chauffering, as well as the afore mentioned homework help.

    This strikes me as one more way to penalize kids whose parents aren't "into" education like we are.  Already they're behind in so many ways - from early childhood, to supplies, to help on all those gosh-awful middle school projects, to paid tutoring.  Now kids can be penalized 'cause they're parents can't or won't write essays?

    I'd be so going over this teachers head.

    Lesley

    by NCMom on Thu Oct 04, 2007 at 04:39:01 PM PDT

  • Sure (0 / 0)

    Sure, I'll write an essay for Mr. Frye, if he tells me his SAT scores.

    by NJmom on Fri Oct 05, 2007 at 04:40:01 AM PDT

    • Right (0 / 0)

      It's for him to make the parents feel vulnerable, not the other way around, you see.

      Actually, I had a similar thought - this is also a lose situation for the parents with much more education than this teacher, or better writers or better analysis skills. What's to say he wouldn't be triggered by that?

      Put me in the camp of I can't believe he gets away with it.

      by RachelD on Fri Oct 05, 2007 at 12:07:47 PM PDT

      [ Parent ]

      • Montclair (0 / 0)

        He teaches in Montclair, which is even more interesting the more I think about it.

        Montclair is thought of as the next stop after the Upper West Side, where the NYC libs move when they want a suburban life, but not too suburban (hence why it's featured in an NY Times article).  And you know, it has all the trappings like coffee shops and a Whole Foods, along with a train station to NYC.  It's a super nice town really.

        Montclairites take pride in the fact that Montclair is diverse, both racially and economically.

        So I'm not sure what this guy is trying to accomplish when I think of it in terms of the town.  Is he trying to impress the hyper-educated elite who read (or write for) the NY Times?  Or trying to get the people who are more worried about paying the rent than going to PTA more involved?  

        by NJmom on Fri Oct 05, 2007 at 02:50:41 PM PDT

        [ Parent ]

        • Hmm.... (0 / 0)

          maybe he's trying to exercise a little retribution on a crowd that might often look down on a lowly teacher.  Now, that doesn't mean I agree with his methods, but I can certainly understand the motivation.

          by tjb22 on Fri Oct 05, 2007 at 02:57:05 PM PDT

          [ Parent ]

        • Interesting (0 / 0)

          I think tjb is on to something, given that context. Possibly too many parents in his face demanding to see his lessons plans, irrationally bugging him about teaching methods, etc. I had a friend who taught here in Silicon Valley at a very fancy pants private school, and parents would routinely demand to see her lesson plans for the upcoming semester, and all sorts of crap that signaled their view that they knew better.

          And she was a Princeton grad! They didn't even trust their own.

          by RachelD on Sat Oct 06, 2007 at 08:17:52 AM PDT

          [ Parent ]

  • perhaps raised here already... (0 / 0)

    but i am interested to know WHICH parent is assigned...both?  or does just one suffice?  be interesting to know how many moms vs dads turned in the essays.

    by parentalunit1 on Fri Oct 05, 2007 at 12:45:37 PM PDT

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