In fact, I am repelled by those who are.  These poor fools don't even know what they are setting themselves up for.  The family who was strapped financially but still threw a big bash for the seven year old?  Well, what are they going to do when she's sixteen, demanding a party similar to a wedding plus a brand new car to boot?  

I enjoy doing the parties at home because the parents tend to stay and I make a buffet of some kind and it's a chance for socializing as families.

My kids are into the idea of "themes," so we go with it, but we don't hire ponies.  I think you can have fun for not too much money. We did do Miles's party at the science center last year and it was fun, but I really prefer home parties.

Miles is turning 7 this year. I'm thinking about doing a movie night for just a couple of boys and girls, nothing big.

to spend a ton of money on a birthday party.  There's a place in town called "Pump it Up" that has big inflatable slides and games inside.  You can rent the space for $250.  That does include goodie bags, but not cake and food.  That is just insane to me!  

We do simple parties at home.  I do simple goodie bags with low cost items.  We do one simple game like musical chairs.  I make my own cake.  This year, my husband is working part time at a local pizza shop so we got pizza and wings at a discount.  Normally, I make pizza or sloppy joes for parties.  We don't invite a ton of people... maybe 25 including kids and parents.  

I refuse to get caught in the one-upmanship of kid's parties.  If you do a $300 or $400 party, how do you ever top it for the next year?  And, if you have multiple kids that'll get really expensive.

Oriental Trading is great for cheap fun party favors and such.  We love it!

This is a tough one for me.

My heart tells me simple, simple, simple.

But we have a ton of relatives, so once we invite them plus just a few friends, we end up at 50 people.

Our house is small, can probably hold 20 comfortably, so then we end up doing things like one year having multiple parties (my family, DH's family, friends) which is too much work.

So then we say screw it, and we go out somewhere to have it.  Like this year, we had it at a restaurant with a singer.  It was on the pricey side, but it was a great party.  We didn't have it to show off or compete, it was just the way it worked out.  Our kid didn't care or want it, it was more a way for us to see people we don't see that often.

Our relatives don't expect to be invited, we're just still at the point where we feel like we want them there, because the kids are so little.

At some point, we have to convert to just a kid party because it is becoming too much.  

If a cake, food and a few friends is what you consider a good time, then do it.

I grew up with a very big family which meant very big parties...nothing says "birthday" to me like a house just bursting at the seams with people. So that's what my daughter's parties have been like so far...tons of food, tons of family, tons of noise.

We don't get expensive entartainers or catered food or anything like that, because it's not my thing. Of course, as my daughter gets older her desires will have some effect on the celebrations...but there will be no uber-extravagance.

Some people would say that 80 people at a 2-year-old's birthday party is extravagant and over the top, but I guess that's in the eye of the beholder...

Side question for everyone....

What do you think about No Gifts parties?

I've been thinking about gifts, and part of the thing is when you do a big party, you end up with way too many gifts that the kid just doesn't need, can end up with clutter depending on the age of the kid, etc.

But do you think No Gifts is mean?

My biggest hesitation about having a No Gifts party is that I have been to them and there are always the people that don't listen and bring a gift anyway and that drives me nuts.

I mean, the kids are all conditioned to expect a goodie bag, which is probably not a great thing.  But her response "There's usually a goodie bag," is very funny.

Did her mom hear her? Was she mortified?

If all of us who don't agree with promoting this type of behavior would stop feeling inferior, maybe things would start to change.  After all, as many of you noted, the kids generally don't care.  Cake, friends, running around...that's all they want at parties.  It's the other parents that we're trying to impress, as if this is the ultimate way to prove our worth as parents.

When I was young, it was customary to send guests home with a little gift, but it was a pencil or a plastic tiara or something you got in a bag of 10 at K-Mart.  I don't think you necessarily have to go no-gift simple, but the idea of spending $500 on a three-year-old's birthday party blows my mind.  Perhaps luckily we don't have the kind of finances that will make things like that possible, so we probably won't run in the circles of people who can.

The party we had for our daughter's first birthday (cake, ice cream, streamers with photos of her through the year hastily stuck on with masking tape, and gerber daisies on the tables of a pavillion at the playground) cost something like 50.00 and had a "theme" of "Hooray! She's one year old (and has recovered from rotavirus)!"  Until reading this, I didn't realize there might be mounting pressure to do more as she gets older. Birthday parties in my family have always been nice excuses to get together, but are as much about the adults as the children -- just picnics with candles, really.   At the moment, I think we'll stick with family only or family plus one friend for each grade or something like that.  Or we'll leave town -- turn her b'days into annual jaunts to new places within driving distance.  But the idea that there is a support group, one that sounds legitimate and much-needed, for birthday pressure... oh man.   I suppose we'll try to gently shape things so that genie stays in the bottle.  (sigh) we'll see what happens once the peer group dynamic shows itself.  I feel vaguely sick now.

we have had all of jah isaac's birthday parties so far (3 of them) at the park. kids at that age LOVE to run around and play. it is free. that way the only money i spent was on themed plates and a cake, and drinks.

for one, i do not have much money. for two, he will barely remember these birthday parties.

we keep things humble around here. most of my peer group feels the same way. thank goodness.

My daugher was born right around Halloween/Day of the Dead so we sort of have a built in theme.

Her first party we did a get together with friends and family - almost all adults.  Easy food I did myself, no presents to speak of (adult friends knew they were very very optional), some costumes and lots of Day of the Dead bread & Halloween candy.  I can't imagine I spent more than $50 to entertain 18 or so people.

This year we were feeling particulary unmotivated to throw a bash.  We asked our 2 year old where she wanted to go to eat -- the Mexican restaurant or the pizza place.  She choose the pizza place.  Grandma, dad, daughter and myself went and ate yummy Neopolitan pizza, tiramisu and chocolate ice cream.  No presents.

We'll play it by ear but I'm not getting sucked into expensive parties.  Bigger is okay if our daughter enjoys them (I too come from a big family), but expensive - no.

Ostentatious parties aren't teaching my daughter the values we believe to be important -- among others: humility, caring for others & decreased materialism.

I've always had my two sons' birthday parties at home. I've done a fair amount of planning as to the theme, but nothing crazy. I baked a special race car track shaped cake one year, but I did that myself. So I've done a fair amount of shopping at the Discount Party Store, but I suppose we've been pretty mellow.

I've stayed away from Chuck E Cheese (for our own parties) until this year because my boys were just too young to really play any of the games and such there. But DS #1 is turning 6 and is totally into all of the video games and stuff they have there, AND can actually play them. (DS #2 is only three and just runs around).

But I'm okay with it. I don't think it's over the top, really (and I've personally seen over the top as described at that site from MN). We're inviting 13 kids, 6 of whom are from his school and we don't know the families, so I figure a few won't come. We're having a regular party, their cake, and I'm springing for their goodie bags, so I'm looking at about $14 a kid. So at most, a $200 party.

That doesn't seem too bad to me. I'm willing to pay that so I don't have to run all over town getting decorations (or all over the internet) and baking and cleaning my own house to acceptable for company condition.

Although, I gotta admit - the pizza ain't great, and the noise level frequently gives me jitters - but DS wants it. And it doesn't seem extravagant.

My son did this at one party which was at a pool (ask where the goody bag was). I was mortified. The mom just said that the pool party and the snack was the goody bag.

This is a parent that had given nice bags in the past - full size candy bars and whatnot.

It seems the kids are as conditioned to getting the gift bags as the birthday child is to getting the gifts.

This is the title of a magazine I saw at the grocery store after reading this diary. It is modeled after those godforsaken huge bridal magazines - and was just as thick. "164 ways to get gorgeous." And some rot about dresses and all the rest.

Between this and preschool fairs, I am going back to bed :).

I am really glad ds was born in May and we can have old-school parties in the backyard. And then we'll do parks. Does that do it for about 10 years? I have no idea.

His first birthday is this May, and I will be doing a birthday cake and simple kid and adult food and champagne, because that is what I want on a nice summer early evening.

No goodie bags. I"ve been to maybe 6 baby birthday parties in the last year and only one had goodie bags. I'm boycotting goodie bags, at least until school age, and then it will be more like a goodie item.

And no gifts for 3 years. All the kids I know, including mine, have too much stuff. After that, I think the social aspect of gift giving is obviously fun for the kids.

Grumble, grumble. My goal is to look forward to the parties, not kind of dread the amount of fussing.

RachelD

especially babies -- but fortunately in New England there doesn't seem to be much of that.  Liza's had a party at a family oriented bowling alley and one at a local non profit science museum, pretty small affairs. We only did cake with about 10 family members up until her 5th birthday then we invited her friends for the first time.   This year for her 8th birthday she wants a sleepover so I told her no more than 5 girls.

Fortunately since I'm the 'mom who doesn't do the three C's: "cooking, crafts or camping."  I feel no pressure to cook for anyone, bake my own cake, create whimsical crafts and good bags.... I always have her party for like 2-4 so it's after lunch and all they need is cake and ice cream. I go to iparty and let her pick anythign taht does not make noise for the goody bags and I do the invites on my computer and send them with her to school.  her friends parties all seem to be on the same par so I haven't felt any 'big party pressure' but I think that regionally there's not alot of that in Northern New England anyway -- down in BOSTON and Connecticut maybe ...but not up heah.. no suh! ;-)

Katie

always done our daughter's parties at our house--cake, games,  presents.  This is for a couple reasons.  One is that my husband and I like to plan and bake, etc.  The other is that throwing someone a party is work!  I want my daughter to see that while we enjoy doing the parties for her, it also takes a lot of effort to do something special for someone.

I don't know that kids have more fun at a bowling alley or whatever.  To me, that would be more work to make the arrangements, etc.  And, often you still have to provide some of the food, etc.  I always feel like it's harder to keep an eye on people in those places, too!

I am a "not over the top" kinda gal.

But, I do insist on parties for the kids because I NEVER had a birthday party except with my parents and grandmother. I think once in jr. high I had a slumber party with three other girls over. That's it. I felt deprived.

We do low key and because we have twins, two parties in one day. They turned 10 this year.

This year DS had a Survivor themed party with games that we made up and did in the front yard, little White Castle hamburgers [the ones in the frozen foods section], peanut butter and jelly sandwiches and chex mix, plus cake. [we thought the food worked as the type of food you get on Survivor for reward]. The kids got bandanas [for their team] and trail mix and gatorade for favors. Party was from 11-1.

DD's party was that night from 6:30-8:30, a disco party. She had a disco ball [one of those lights that sits on a table and rotates] and we got disco ball necklaces [Oriental Trading] and stick-on body jewelry for party favors. We played disco music, the girls ate popcorn chicken and pizza [frozen foods section again] plus cake. Later they played Twister.

I have tried the no presents but I find that my kids SO enjoy picking out the perfect present for their friends and watching them open the presents -- I know that is a big part of the fun for the kids. So we do presents.

I would love it if my kids would like to invite one or two friends and go do something really special. Their birthday is Dec. 20 so I keep dreaming that DD will want to invite two friends and we'll take them to the Nutcracker; and maybe DS and friends will go to a UT basketball game with DH. That would be so easy and fun for all.

but having a lot of people at my house makes me nervous, partly because we have MANY floor to ceiling windows, all with old, non-safety glass.  Whenever there are kids here I'm distracted thinking someone's going to get hurt.  No one ever has, but I'm not one to learn from experience :)

We had the first 3 parties at our house.  DS has always had friends with families we know, and we don't have family nearby, so we have had kid-adult parties that were fun and low-key.  Pinata, playing with flashlights, decorating cookies... easy and fun.  Since his bd is in December, we could never count on using the very fun park right down our street.  We have rented places (kids' museum, slot car racing parlor, laser tag) and now that he's older we're more likely to take kids to the movies and out to dinner (and sit at the next table so as not to mortify them).  A couple years we haven't had any party at all, but ds was allowed to invite a friend to go snowboarding.

All through the years he has attended over the top parties.  I figure if that's what makes the family happy, we're happy to attend.  But I don't feel pressured to emulate.

I am all for keeping it simple. For DS's first birthday we had a family party at my in-laws house two weeks before his b-day because everyone was in town for the holidays. It was a nice small party of 10 people, simple food, cake, beer/wine. He got a little overwhelmed by all of the attention. We also had a little party with his playgroup friends. At our weekly play date the week of his b-day I brought cup cakes and party hats. There were 4 babies/toddles who were SO not into the hats but they indulged us long enough to take a few pictures. The other mommies/babies gave DS a few nice small presents. Presents were not expected, and no gift bags were given out.

My parents said we were allowed a birthday party every other year, but could never remember if we had one last year so we rarely had them w/o planning and paying for it ourselves (which I did for my 8th, 10th and 16th, and they were VERY low key, 1-4 girls, cake, ice cream, and board games.  My "sweet 16" was a disaster because the slumber party was interrupted by a phone call from the hospital that my younger brother, who we all thought was in bed asleep in his room, had snuck out and been hit by a car.  He was bruised but fine, and the party became all about him.  Four 16 year old girls at my 13 year old brother's beck and call improved his moral dramatically.  
But dd has had a party every year.  Some even had a theme.  All were at home or a nearby park.  And all had far more adults than kids.  I think she had 1 other child at her 3rd and 3 other children at her 5th.  She had 2 "1st" parties.  One with family and one with our friends.  Her second had a Monsters Inc. theme or at least a MI cake and MI toys holding down the balloons at the park.  Her 3rd was a week after we moved so it was also a housewarming.  Her 4th was Tinkerbell themed so we took a picture of her in her Tink costume and put it on the cake and beat down a pirate ship pinyata.  Her 5th we had a small party at my daycare then kidnapped her to Disneyland.  So she went to the "Birthday Party" there and had her t-shirt signed "Happy Birthday" by as many characters as we could find.

On a side note, we were invited to a birthday party for a 2 year old at the zoo.  We were expected to pay our own way in and bring a present.  The parent's didn't provide snacks, lunch or even cake.  My daughter was the only child who showed up and wound up taking the birthday child by the hand and walking her through the zoo, leading the group, The 15+ adults followed behind, chatting.  It was cute, but I felt a little annoyed that we had to drive an hour, pay our own way in and not only no goody bag, but no cake.  And not much focus on the birthday child.  The parents, (and grandparents aunts and uncles), bought food for themselves but didn't offer to share.