Long Lost Friends
Sat Sep 09, 2006 at 08:25:17 PM PDT
I have been hoping for this day for 14 years. When I was 7 and new to an apartment complex, I met another 7-year-old, Tyler, and her 5-year-old little sister, Melissa. They lived in the complex next to mine, and our apartments backed up to each other. Their mom was divorced, like mine, and also raising them on her own. I don't know if it was that fact that made us fast friends, but for years we were inseparable. While Tyler and I were officially best friends and annoyed to have a tag-along little Melissa around, in truth, we were a threesome. When it was time to go dumpster-diving for other people's junk (I finally broke the news to my mom this year that the little wastebasket she'd been using for 20 years had come from the trash), or time to rock out to Friday Night Videos, Melissa was always included.
It's not an exaggeration to say that I spent more time at Tyler's house than my my own. So much was I treated like part of the family, I'd even get scolded right alongside them when we behaved like wild banshees. My mom would take us all to Disneyland or the movies, or give us each $5 and drop us off at the swap meet for the day. Their mom included me on family trips and everyday errands. In 4th grade, my mom took me out of Montessori and I joined Tyler in her class at the public school. Each day I'd come over before school, and then would stay after school to do homework until my mom picked me up in the evenings.
We had our fights, too, though. I can't remember now who colored on whose masterpiece from the Scooby Doo coloring book, but it created a fight so bad that I raced home on my pink bike, sure the friendship was over. In sixth grade, she "dumped" me for another friend, and I promptly picked out a new best friend. Within weeks, I recieved a note asking me back, and it was done. But it seemed that neither of us was able to withstand the power of going to different high schools...I moved a few miles further south, and we lost touch. To be truthful, had we gone to the same high school, it probably would have happened anyway. We were on different paths -- hers led to popularity and cheerleading, mine led to being a yearbook editor and general quiet type. After an awkward visit when we were 16, neither of us bothered to ever contact the other one again.
Ever since, I have wondered what happened to Tyler. The countless sleepovers, late night whispers, hours of Barbies, riding bikes and mischief, days where one of our moms would take us to the beach with the added treat of a bottle of root beer and a bag of potato chips...could all of that really have only been important to me? Did she ever well up with sadness because as easily as we became friends, we undid our relationship completely?
In February of this year, I had a strong need to go back to where we had lived as children. The complexes would surely be long gone, with a new development in their place. My husband and I set out for a journey I had never taken him on despite our frequent trips back to SoCal. When we turned onto the old street, I was stunned -- not only was my apartment complex still there, Tyler's was, too. And they looked exactly the same. All of the memories came flooding back, along with sadness at the knowledge that we had been so close as children, and now there was nothing.
Maybe I also suspected that our friendship was more to me than it was to her because I'm an only child. Tyler had 2 sisters, and by the time we were in junior high, she had a 3rd. They were my sisters in a way, too. Hers was a fun, bright household full of people compared to my own -- where it was just my mom and me. Standing in front of our apartments, I knew that I had never let go, and and probably never would. When I was younger, I imagined we'd one day be reunited on a talk show like Sally Jessy Raphael, and we'd hash it all out through tears and hugs. As an adult, I imagined that I would track her down at last, and she'd be less than thrilled.
When my mom passed away in May, I sat down to sort through old photographs and came across several of us girls. I decided to look through all those reunion web sites to see if I could find her. This week, I finally went to MySpace, and though her name came up, it was basically a blank profile with only an age and city that matched. But it was enough. I realized that her youngest sister was a teenager now, and those teens love their MySpace. I typed in her name, and Bingo. Now, I'm not exactly sure how appropriate it was, but I sent her a message introducing myself and explaining my relationship to her family. I figured she would be weirded out by some random lady writing to her, but, I gave her my email address and hoped for the best. She soon replied to my message, assuaging my fears that she'd think I was loony, and said she'd pass on my email to Tyler.
Tyler emailed me today. Her letter was incredible -- she had been talking to Melissa the week prior, saying she wanted to find me. Today she was talking to her mom on the phone about that when her little sister overheard and finally remembered my message. Tyler gave me the news that she was married now, with a baby, and even shared a web site link to a recent family photography session so I could see. She asked after my mom, and wished her well. I wrote her back with the news of my mom's death, and my own marriage and daughter. She replied again, this time with a longer letter telling me how much she had thought of me over the years. She said that she couldn't help but think my mom had a hand in reconnecting us, because around the time of my mom's death she began thinking about me ALL THE TIME, out of nowhere.
We're planning to reunite over the holidays, when I'll be back in OC to visit my family. She wants our husbands and kids to meet, and she wants me to see her mom and sisters, too, who all live nearby. So now what, I wonder? What happens when something you've wished for almost half of your lifetime comes true? Suddenly I don't know what to expect...will we get along? Will we keep in touch? What if she's a Republican? Ultimately, though, I am ecstatic. It's like recovering a missing piece of my childhood, a sentiment Tyler echoed almost word for word.
The craziest part? She only lives a few blocks away from those old apartments.
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