against being a part of any organized religion.  We aren't "anti-religion", we just don't have a need to be part of any organized belief system.  I describe my own beliefs as "deist" in nature...and to be honest, they aren't all that different than the traditional beliefs that I grew up with...they're just more inclusive.  I don't believe that any particular religion has a lock on The Truth.

Both my husband and I were brought up in traditional "church going" families.  I haven't had a problem with my parents...they seem to understand that in the end, children have to find their own way spiritually despite what we do.  My husband's parents, on the other hand, have not been understanding.  For years, we were accused of "spiritually neglecting" our children.  We were told that they would all "turn out bad"...sadly, on  my 18 year old son's last visit with his grandmother before she died last year, they had this argument all over again.  She started complaining about how we hadn't brought them up in church, etc.  He defended us.  

That's a rough one.  

Not sure if you are looking for a church (not trying to convert, because that would actually be very un-UU of me!), but if you are you might want to look into a UU church.  I used to struggle with the same questions you do from family, but now that we have a church, it is a much easier question to answer. (which is not the reason we joined, but a nice side benefit!)

Here is a summary of what UUs believe...

No one can see the one Light (Truth or God, call it what you will) directly, only as refracted through the cathedral windows. Every great religion teaches this insight. We cannot look God in the eye any more than we can stare at the sun without going blind. This should counsel humility and mutual respect for those whose reflections on ultimate meaning differ from our own. Sadly, this is not always the case. Some religious leaders, perceiving the Light shining through their own window, conclude that theirs is the only window through which the Light Shines. If they forget that it is in our lives and not in our words that our religion must be read, they may go so far as to incite their followers to throw stones through other people's windows. Skeptics, on the other hand, perceiving the bewildering variety of windows and worshippers, conclude that there is no Light. But the windows are not the Light, only where the Light shines through.

This metaphor is a perfect description of Unitarian Universalism. One Light (Unitarianism) shines through many windows (Universalism), illuminating human minds and hearts in many different ways. In our congregations we honor this truth by encouraging our members to reflect on the Light through whatever set of windows they find most illuminating. We only require that this same freedom be honored for others.

http://www.allsoulsnyc.org/...

We have an eclectic extended family...Jewish, Muslim, Christian, Hindu, CA Alternative, and Pagan...among others.

So we have found the solution is to buy children's books on spiritual teachings. Most of these books have myths or parables from all the great religions addressing peace, love, tolerance, giving, etc. from different perspectives. Youngsters can read the teachings of Jesus, or Mohammed, or Ghandi, or native american leaders, or....as they will.

We discovered that in dealing with family it is best to say that you are teaching the 'values' of Christianity. We always avoided using the 'gospel' as part of our vocabulary.

Is this splitting hairs? It worked with my hard core Mormon family and now they simply accept that I'm Pagan and the kids are whatever they choose to be.

I have the same position on church that you do - just haven't felt like it did anything for me, and wanting to teach our kids to be more inclusive and understanding of everyone's belief system.  For us, the problem has been the in-laws (although, I'm sure I'd be having the same problem with my mother if she was still alive).  Once when we were talking about religion, my MIL (who is great and 99% of the time is so supportive and complimentary of our parenting) wouldn't come out and say that she knows our children are going to hell (they're not baptized) but she said "the church's position is very clear about what happens to you if you're not baptized."  I thought that was kind of funny, actually.  Not God saying you'll go to hell but the church deciding.  That's catholicism for you.  I don't know the solution, we generally just avoid talking about it - it's only come up twice in 5 years.  It's also a little easier for me to say what I think, since she's not my mother.  The one conversation my Mom and I had about religion after I had stopped buying it all was when "The Odyssey" miniseries was on TV sometime in the late 90's.  I was visiting and we were watching it.  At one break my mom said "it's amazing, you know, all this crazy Greek mythology stuff, they truly believed it"  I said "well, you truly believe your religion too."  I think I really upset her, but she never said anything else about it.

Wow, sorry, I didn't intend for that to be so long.  I've just spent countless hours pondering this very subject!

about your mom's need to feel loved.  Thank you.

My mom was a lapsed Catholic when I was growing up but in the last 5 years or so (since her mother died) she has rejoined the Church with a vengeance.  I was wondering how that would go in our relationship but I have to say I think she's handling it beautifully.  It is very important to her and she has had some mystical religious experiences (which I think is so cool!), but she has not proselytized to me at all.  We talk about belief and spirituality on an intellectual level but never talk about saving souls.  I think it may be something she prays about, something that pains her privately, but she has not brought it into our relationship.

When my son was younger he had a born-again babysitter.  She also was pretty cool about not pushing her beliefs on him or me, but being in her home did have an effect on him.  He saw "Veggie Tales" there, and he heard "God" more than he did at home.  He got very interested in that when he was around 6 (many kids do), so we talked about it a lot back then.  Once he asked me if God would be angry about something he had done and alarm bells went off for me. Although I didn't want to push my own views too much, I did not want him to develop the idea of a watchful, wrathful god -- that seemed really scary.  I've also always been leery of the idea that god might be upset about something you've done but that you can go to confession or be "forgiven" without actually changing anything about your behavior or intentions.

We talked a lot about "god" being a good feeling of love inside -- your own still small voice.  The idea of "being right with god" being about the same as having a clear conscience.  On the Belief-O-Matic quiz, he turns out as liberal Mainline Protestant, which I think is about right for his level of moral development (12 years old).

My husband and I have tried a variety of congregations, including UU, Self-Realization fellowship, etc. for our family. None of us got the feeling we were looking for, and we have not pursued organized religion.  When he was younger, my son would describe himself as "half Jewish, half spiritual," which cracked me up.  One of his friends had a funny response:  "Oh yeah, me too.  I'm one-eighth spiritual."

And now I know the reason that my mother chooses Christianity.  

As a child, my mother had no one.  Her family consisted of four daughters with a drunk, frequently absent father and an emotionally unavailable, mean-spirited mother.  My mother found solace in Jesus at a time and in a place where she had no one.

Wow, that's profound. I will keep that in mind next time someone is irritating me by prosthelitizing.

Before my husband and I were married my then future MIL stated her objections to our marrying in a Catholic church and asked me if I really believed in that crap.  I told her yes I did and that was that.

It was kind of rude on her part but she was pretty drunk at the time and I don't think she would have been so blunt if she had been sober.

Oddly enough, we were at her house for a big family party on Easter Sunday.  To this day I don't understand why they get together on Christmas and Easter if they don't believe in that crap.

I so applaud you in your obvious emphathy and consideration of your Mom's point of view and how she came to her own spiritual place.  My ex husband's mother is very similar to how you describe your mother.  And she and I used to have many conversations about what I considered her very rigid brand of Christianity.  However that all changed when she let me in years later about the obvious abuse in her childhood.  Her mother died when she was just 11 and her father was quite abusive to her and her siblings.  From that point forward I understood her choice and admired her ability to find a way to recover and become not only a functioning person but in many ways a very kind one.  My DD is now 16 and holds very different views than her paternal grandmother.  However, my DD respects her grandma .They have found common ground and enjoy a really loving relationship. It sounds like you will find this too for your own child and  mother.

Your comment about how your mom is a strong believer because of her abusive and neglectful family really struck a chord.  My father is the type of person who is against all hierarchy and hates bureaucracy and people telling you what to think.  But, he is also a retired minister and has strong faith, though he doens't talk about it often since I don't share it.  I never have understood what drove him and drives him to be religious, since I am atheist and he raised my sister and I to think for ourselves and never forced us to believe anything.  But, he also comes from an abusive family -- his father was extremely angry, emotionally cold and judgmental and somewhat physically abusive (punished his children with a belt, etc.).  I can see how being involved in a church and feeling like he had a personal relationship with god and and Jesus would make a big difference in his life.  An all loving and forgiving God as a father figure would be a lot better than my grandfather. :)