Updated 6/6 10 am EST: No peeking musicteacher!

posted by vera93

*** Update 6/6 ***

Wow – you are all truly amazing and I am once again humbled by this community. We have already collected $525 for musicteacher and her family. THANK YOU! I am going to reach out to her to see if she has paypal in which case I’ll send whatever I’ve gotten on Friday; otherwise I’ll snail mail.

I also liked cindy’s suggestion of doing a Shutterfly book for a few weeks from now to provide some love and support when DH is starting chemo. Please e-mail me photos, messages, quotes, etc. at capasb at gmail dot com by June 15 and I’ll link a draft of the book soon after that.

Thanks also to the many of you who are sending things directly to musicteacher and her family. I’ve loved hearing about all of the things this community is doing to help!


Hi everyone, Our musicteacher and her family are going through some really challenging times with her DH’s illness. I thought it would be worthwhile to send a MT care package so I wanted to gather your ideas and offer to facilitate it.

Musicteacher has been posting mostly on the FB page but I checked with her and now that DH has told his work, she is comfortable with me putting details here. Her DH has been suffering with stomach pain for the past few weeks. This led to numerous appointments. The med group found tumors and today musicteacher and her DH found out that the tumors are malignant. The CAT scan today did not show any spread. Her DH will have surgery on Saturday and then a round of chemo in 3-4 weeks. They are cautiously optimistic but of course this is very difficult. Musicteacher said she didn’t know that they needed anything right now but good thoughts and prayers, but I’m sure we can find a way to help.

One idea I had was to put together a Shutterfly book and then provide a monetary gift. But we could also go for more gifts, things for the kids, gift certificates, and/or other great ideas. So let’s talk about some ideas that you may have and we can figure out what to do to show that we love them and are keeping them in our thoughts and prayers.

My e-mail is capasb at gmail dot com. This can be used for paypal donations or sending photos or quotes (if we end up going the shutterfly route). I just wanted to have my e-mail in the body as I’m still not sure about the editing here :-)

Thanks everyone.

*** Update 6/4 11 pm EST ***

I sent musicteacher a note asking about allergies and anything she may need. Here is her response, which I think supports the idea of money that they can use for what they need and/or a food delivery place (that works with allergies) and/or some certificates for kid activities in the area. What do you think?

Note from musicteacher:

Joey is allergic to peanuts. Josh is allergic to peanuts, tree nuts and eggs.

I’m not really sure what we will need, but I can fill you in on the plan so far. My ILs are coming to town on Weds. They will stay with my parents (our backyards connect) and hang out here during the days. I think MIL plans to help out with cooking and cleaning but is not physically able to keep up with the kids. FIL is 84 so he will be mainly offering MIL and DH moral support although he loves going to Wegmans when he is up here and still drives quite well. I’ve been doing the bulk of the childcare for the last 2 months with my mom so that won’t be anything out of our new “normal” I think I will be handing the kids off to my mom in order to be at the hospital with DH but we are attempting to keep up with as much as their stuff as possible. I’m really hoping that my father and brother can help out in that regard. Help with meals may be something that we will need as MIL is not young (74) and will probably want some time at the hospital with Alex. He will be recovering at home afterward and I will need to keep the kids from jumping on him so the plan will be to keep them busy out of the house as much as possible.


90 thoughts on “Updated 6/6 10 am EST: No peeking musicteacher!

  1. I am in for anything.

    My 2 cents — what would be most helpful to me, if I were in her shoes, would probably be money for take out food (and/or a cleaning service). I know her parents are nearby and that probably helps some, but the ability to grab takeout without worrying about whether I could afford it would be very helpful IMHO.

    • I think that would be great. I hope that she will be getting more support now, but it sounds like so far people have been less than helpful. Hopefully a cash gift will make it easier to hire a sitter if needed. I’ll send you something now, Vera.

    • Ditto. Money can’t buy happiness or health, but it can sure make life easier.

      I had no idea this was going on. How devastating. I’m not a pray-er but I will sure be hoping they can get everything in surgery.

  2. I vote for paper plates, napkins, and utensils. In fact, happy to send those off to her myself. Will send you some $ via paypal, too, Vera, for whatever else the group decides to do.

  3. I’ll send you anything she needs. I adore her and am just sick about this… let me know if I should use paypal (I think I used it once LOL) or if I cna just put a check in the mail to you. I’m not on the FB page either… so thank youso much for letting us know…

  4. I’m in and will do/send anything. I’ll send something snail mail, Vera. Cash would be great for meals and cleaning; paper products = perfect idea. I’ll think of something suitable to send along directly to her…maybe some personal pampering type thing-maybe a little tubby bath/wine relaxation thing might be useful to remind her to care for herself just a smidge

  5. I can paypal, send her a check directly or whatever is best….is there a best choice? I have the holiday list, so assume I have her address. When we all helped Carissa a while back it seemed like a meals service was really helpful for her and her family. We used one that took specific orders for meals and then delivered the food ready to eat or heat up.

  6. I emailed a friend in SYR today, and she said if we can figure out what they need specifically she can ask around. There is an email list of moms in the area. The Syracuse Hive Mind! I’ll check w/mt if she’s on it already.
    Don’t forget, if we are getting them meals prepared, that some of the kids have food allergies. I think gluten and dairy.
    I thought of resources for local respite care, inexpensive childcare, personal services, shuttling, meal prep. I’m sure cash would be appreciated!

    • Yeah, the food allergies was one of the things on my mind when I was thinking of cash being a good option. Of course, I am always a fan of cash — as my friend Nicole always said, it’s always the right size!

  7. Hi, Vee. I just sent your some $$$ via paypal. I still vote for cash – Musicteacher will know how to best use it – groceries, childcare, cleaning, gas, etc.

  8. Gah. I really really hate distance, because I’d love to take the kids out of the house for a couple of days a week to hang out with mine and run and go to parks and such. Where’s my Star Trek transporter unit?!?!?

    I still think cash, because it sounds like a nanny/au pair/baby-sitter would be really useful.

    • I know – I was thinking the same thing. I wish I could host some playdates!

      It does seem like the cash provides the most flexibility so I’ll wait a bit and then send some off. I can always send twice if some people get me funds later but I think it would be nice to send some before the surgery.

  9. I’m in–will paypal when I can. (I’m running two grant deadlines and have a terrible cold so I’m not in the greatest shape right now.)

  10. Vera, thanks for putting this together. I’ll paypal something today. I agree…money to make life a little easier.

    I also like the shutterfly book idea (and since you are so good at it!), maybe for later when her DH is going through chemo as a little gift to bring her some cheer & love.

  11. Just paypal-ed.
    I love the idea of doing a book too, if you feel you can find the time to do that, Vera. I would like to contribute, but will be traveling part of July and August.

    • Or, like, I could read?! Sorry, I only just saw the 6/15 deadline for contributions to the book. After DD1’s birthday crazy (Fri-Sat) I’ll get on it.

  12. How did I miss this diary so completely?! Ugh. Can I get her snail mail address so I can send something along? (I can’t believe I missed this…) lthomas413 at mac dot com

  13. Hi Ladies-
    I’m wondering if anyone is interested in doing another round of something as they head over to Baltimore for the surgery? I’m happy t be point person if we want to do another monetary gift, (I was going to send something this weekend anyway).

  14. Once again, I am amazed by you ladies. I’ll be sending a check for $200 tomorrow (DH is helping me do it in some expedited way where we don’t have to worry about the check/ gift card getting stolen out of the card, which I guess is a thing now?). Hopefully that will let her splurge on something to make this process a little bit easier.
    You guys rock.

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