Mother Talkers

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  • there are things you can do as a parent... (0 / 0)

    one is to be sure you have reviewed both your's and your partner's family histories and looked for both mental illness and addiction, it does run in families.  then you teach your children with an approach that is fact based and not scare tactics.  we have learned a hell of a lot over the years both about addiction and about how drugs and alcohol work on developing brains.  all of this is helpful in doing the most important thing...prevention.

    by parentalunit1 on Thu May 08, 2008 at 07:18:23 PM PDT

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    • I should start now (0 / 0)

      I just think of my in-laws, because my dh is very addictive.  They did a lot of what you describe, but my husband has had problems with alcohol and cigarettes anyway.  He doesn't drink anymore and has been working hard to quit smoking, but it's insane to watch him develop all sorts of addictions.  One day he'll have an iced coffee from Starbucks and develop an liking for them; within a week he'll be up to three or four a day.  I'll never   nag him to quit drinking coffee (he mostly makes it at home now, and our bank account thanks him), but it's so strange to me how quickly he gets addicted to some new food or beverage.  I guess that's why I worry so much about my own kids.

      by Erin on Thu May 08, 2008 at 09:34:42 PM PDT

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      • Some substances work (0 / 0)

        very well for some people.  I say that as a caffeine addict myself.  Due to health problems, I at least understand why substances like caffeine work so well for me.  I consider myself lucky in having the chance to have such insight.  Maybe there's underlying cause for your husband's preferences, too.  I think its rarely about "moral weakness".  Ofcourse, I lived through the "experimental age" of the 70's...many of us tried various substances, only a very, very small number developed problems.  Some substances serve certain physiological needs...when we can accept that, we can make our choices accordingly.

        by tjb22 on Thu May 08, 2008 at 10:04:21 PM PDT

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        • I agree it's not moral weakness (0 / 0)

          There are times when it's been difficult, but I actually really respect him for being able to give up the alcohol and possibly cigarettes.  I don't know that I could in his position.  I certainly can't hold the caffeine against him, since I'm sure it makes it easier.  Interesting point, though.  I've thought it served a psychological need, but I never thought about physical.

          by Erin on Thu May 08, 2008 at 11:21:56 PM PDT

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        • I tend to agree with this (0 / 0)

          I think there are subtle physiological differences in people who become addicted.  Sometimes the differences are there at birth, sometimes they result from trauma that maybe affects brain chemistry.  So many times, people with substance abuse problems describe not feeling right or good without their substance.  There's something missing.  Of course, if you take a harmful drug for a while (like meth or crack), it can create permanent furrows in your brain that make it practically impossible to feel right or good.  Some people in that boat have been helped with antidepressants.

          I wouldn't be surprised to learn that people who take Ambien, for example, have been able to cut back on the alcohol consumption because the reason for drinking was to eventually fall asleep.  Lots of "self-medicating" going on, much of it socially-sanctioned.

          BTW, neurofeedback has been demonstrated to be effective for alcoholics who want to quit.

          by mamacita on Fri May 09, 2008 at 09:41:33 PM PDT

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      • ahh, same. (0 / 0)

        my dh is a smoker and man is he addicted.  erin, don't worry yourself.  what i am saying is like anything else you want to assess the health risks. for example in my family men dropped like flies from heart attacks at age 40.  what did my parents do?  they served up healthy meals and talked to us about the importance of exercise and NOT smoking.

        i get on my soap box easily on drugs and alcohol.  of course i have witnessed the horror of it up close and personal.  however i have also seen up close and personal how much proper drug and alcohol education works too.  and parenting. talking to your kid (not lecturing) is important. imo no later than 6th grade there should be formal drug and alcohol education.

        the combination of factors that led to my stepdaughter's addiction are complicated. there were many factors. she was at risk both from family history and others factors as well. it feels daunting when you have little ones and hear about kids who get into serious trouble.  of course no one is immune to bad things. however, it is clear you actively keep abreast of information. you will do just fine. i am really enjoying my daughter's teen years and i am not fraught with worry.

        by parentalunit1 on Fri May 09, 2008 at 07:10:19 AM PDT

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