and more about attitude.  I work fluctuating hours, he just works long hours.  He has sick/personal days, I don't (not really).  He picks up a lot of the domestic workload during my exceptionally busy weeks.  He does the dishes and the kitchen trash on his own.  He'll do anything else IF I ASK.  We could be crunching through the dirt on the carpet, and it wouldn't occur to him to vacuum - but if I ask, he does it.  Ditto the bathrooms, the kitchen floor, etc., etc.  So I don't gripe a lot, but I chafe at the idea that housework is mine to either do or dole out to others.