Mother Talkers

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  • sounds normal to me (0 / 0)

    My 7 year old is a sensitive, empathetic, and considerate little guy.  He'd probably be willing to accompany me to church if it was really important to me.  Once.  Or once in a while.  But to choose it week after week just to please me?  I don't think he's ready for that level of heroic selflessness.

    In most families church is boring and not optional, but kids survive.  My first instinct when reading your post was to never allow him to win, period.  What do you do when he doesn't want to go to school?  So I was thinking of the old "Time to go - I'm bringing these clothes to the car, then I'll come back and get you" trick.  But your husband adds another wrinkle - he fights to stay home with dad because he sees that as an equally valid option.  I don't think that means he's a sociopath.

    Of course a politician would attend church once he saw it was in his own self interest.  So no worries there.  :-)

    by lyn on Sun May 04, 2008 at 09:58:48 AM PDT

    • I'd think the difference (0 / 0)

      between church and school is that school is likely essential to his lifelong well-being.  I see church as a very personal, voluntary commitment that means a great deal to some, but not all, people.

      by mamacita on Sun May 04, 2008 at 10:43:00 AM PDT

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      • However (Devil's Advocate here) (0 / 0)

        how do you help develop a child spiritually? You share your beliefs and practices with them. This kid is 6 years old, not 16. He needs a background to rebel against if nothing else...

        Once we were past confirmation age my parents let us decide whether or not to continue to go to church with them. All of us opted out, but then started going to church again later in life. In fact, today my sister celebrated her daughter's first communion in the church she herself gleefully abandoned as a teenager.

        by Suzanne77 on Sun May 04, 2008 at 11:11:17 AM PDT

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      • but that's just the thing (0 / 0)

        Many people view church as essential to one's lifelong well-being.  I don't think there's a right or wrong, it just depends on your own religious tradition.  If you believe in freedom of choice from an early age it may make sense to just continue to encourage without pushing.  But if your religion considers it necessary, an old-fashioned "get in the car, buster" is not child abuse.

        by lyn on Sun May 04, 2008 at 11:30:01 AM PDT

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        • that may be so (0 / 0)

          Many people view church as essential to one's lifelong well-being.

          To people who find religion fulfilling and gratifying I say, More power to 'em.  But in this case, to me, it sounds like the boy is spending a lot of energy resisting going to church, which ends up involving games and treats.  I wonder if that is really a form of spiritual development.  But I tend to think first in terms of the relationship, and then about other goals.  And I don't generally think in terms of "winning."  I don't think I would think I "lost" if I went to a sacred place alone or with someone who also wanted to be there.  So there's obviously a very different approach here, which I respect.

          by mamacita on Sun May 04, 2008 at 01:36:13 PM PDT

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