Mother Talkers

View Story | 226 comments

  • BTDT! (0 / 0)

    I'm at this same exact point with my 5.5 year old.

    I made the error of asking him if he "wanted to go to church with me" last week.  To which he said, No, and didn't go.  Part of the problem is, we don't go as a family yet, because my almost 2 year old is such a 2 y.o., I can't see her there at all.  So my DH stays home with her and I go.  I had visions that I would start taking the 5 y.o., but alas, it hasn't happened.

    Personally, I'm going to give it a rest for a few months and start again in the fall. Hopefully, my daughter will be more able to go then too and we can all go as a family.

    I don't think asking a child if they want to go to church works, JMO. If parents have decided that sharing and passing down their faith is something that is important to them, then church can't be optional and poor attitudes can't be tolerated either.

    If you had asked me, as as child, on any given Sunday, if I wanted to go to church, the answer probably would have been No.  But I went, because there was no choice, or struggle. And now I am so thankful that my parents gave me that gift of faith, so I hope I can do the same for my children.

    by NJmom on Sun May 04, 2008 at 11:22:46 AM PDT

    • adults (0 / 0)

      I also meant to add that church can and will be optional soon enough, when they are adults! There are no guarantees that just because you gave a child a faith tradition, they will carry it on.  But if it's important to you, you do what you can when they are children and be at peace with it later.

      by NJmom on Sun May 04, 2008 at 11:24:18 AM PDT

      [ Parent ]

      • i agree (0 / 0)

        some things are familial obligations. I had to go to church every Sunday and though I wasn't keen on the wake-up-get-dressed-sit-through-it and certainly wouldn't have chosen it, I am really really glad I went, I find comfort there now even though I'm not a practicing Catholic (which has more to do with not being comfortable with the priests at the local options).

        On top of church things, there's lots of other things- cousin birthday parties where everyone is older / younger / not your type of person, get-togethers with your parents friends, etc. that kids need to just kind of put up with- it's part of being a family. After so many years, you get to make those choices for yourself, and one can hope the empathy / selflessness will have caught up by then.

        That said, I'll agree with others here- if Dad has the option to opt out, you lose 1/2 the battle.

        by lilianna28 on Tue May 13, 2008 at 09:52:51 AM PDT

        [ Parent ]

    • You remind me of the importance (0 / 0)

      of how a question is phrased to a young child.  My dh would often ask our kids if they "wanted" to do X and would be frustrated when they replied with an answer that was not desired by him.  It took awhile  for him to more thoughtful of how he phrased questions or suggestions to our kids when he knew there wasn't a real option for the kids in their response.  It was an easy "fix" in that when he didn't give an option i.e., it's time to do X, rather than do you want to do X, he found that the kids were compliant for the most part.

      It's important to separate the times when kids really have a choice from when as parents we already know the outcome we will accept or the desired behavior we are looking for.  I found it simplified things tremendously for us with our kids and also made the times when they had real choices about activities, etc., much more valued and true.

      karen

      by karen m on Wed May 07, 2008 at 08:12:42 AM PDT

      [ Parent ]

View Story | 226 comments