Mother Talkers

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  • This week someone told me there's "ish" and "it" (0 / 0)

    I'm in the same boat - wondering if one of my children has mild Asperger's Syndrome (AS) and one mom I confided in said, "there's "ish" and there's "it" and what she meant by that was a child can seem like it or they can really have it, but she didn't se the value in the diagnosis or the label.  I think the label would help, personally, because there are therapies that would remedy my child's particular deficits.  I'm told a child with no social or anger management skills can learn them by rote.

    When I stomp around on the internet, I find articles such as this one that tells me maybe what I am looking at the seriously complex "giftedness" which is surprisingly similar to AS.

    I have some phone numbers here for AS specialists, I may get my child tested.  All I can think of is, will I look back in 3 or 4 years and regret not following through with my hunch?

    by MsMarvel on Sat May 03, 2008 at 07:44:43 AM PDT

    • i think we're ish... (0 / 0)

      my gut tells me asperger's is the closest currently known category, and i've worked with same age kids who had the label... dc reminds me of them quite a bit, but no way would dc "pass" the test to be placed anywhere on the spectrum.  and while anger mgmt. is not an issue for us, learning social skills by rote is something we've been working on for years, and it does work, though still needs a good bit of reinforcement.  we went from scowling and non-responsive when people spoke to dc, to looking at the person, to looking and smiling, to looking, smiling and responding, and now w/o help, that has jumped to answering follow-up questions unprompted (often, not always).  this took years, but has made a huge difference, and dc can see and even likes how much more positive people are now.  one thing that has always been tricky is dc is very tall for age, usually wears clothes twice the size of current age... so people expect older behaviors, and find younger-for-age behaviors.

      it sounds like we're in the same boat for sure... but dc would only earn an ADHD diagnosis at this point, which wouldn't be as helpful.  although some part of me wonders what meds would do.  like if dc's body and distractions were kept more under control, would there be more interest/focus in connecting and communicating?  

      and this is all so tricky b/c my older brother has profound autism.  he does not speak at all.  and yet, i have felt connected with him since i can remember... we have a really strong bond.  my mom's theory has always been, if a child can talk, anything can be "fixed", but i am finding that even though dc can certainly talk, it's all still very tricky.  

      by slackermom on Sat May 03, 2008 at 07:57:04 PM PDT

      [ Parent ]

      • First off, (0 / 0)

        mega-hugs to you as you try to untangle all of this.  I think the temperament/diagnosis issue  may be one of the most interesting questions in psychology right now - at what point is an active kid someone with ADD, at what point is a shy, quiet kid someone with AS?  On the one hand, I work in this field and see the benefits of diagnosis.  OTOH, I also see kids for whom no diagnosis really fits, and whose parents are struggling as you are.  

        FWIW, the labels/diagnoses are mostly just behavioral descriptions  - behaviors that professionals have grouped together.  The grouping of behaviors into a diagnosis helps alot with treatment or education, but it's not the full answer.  Richard Roy Grinker's "Unstrange Minds" does a great job of teasing this part out.

        Two things you said struck me, though.  First off, I think gender was revealed somewhere in the thread.  There's no question that girls with AS present much differently than boys.  There was a great "Primetime" show on ABC that focussed on this - many women didn't get diagnosed until adulthood, and still don't look "typically" autistic.  ((FWIW, I tried to find a link to this story for you, but I only found it as a DVD on Amazon.  Maybe it will re-run on TV at some point))

        Also, the genetic underpinnings of autism mean that traits of autism and aspergers run in families.  If you have a brother with autism, it does mean that other people in the family may have some milder traits - language issues, social discomfort, etc.  These may not rise to the level of diagnosis, but they are still there.  One coworker, whose son has Aspergers, told me about a recent family reunion where "everyone looks and sounds like John!"

        Don't know if any of this helps with your particular DC, but I think either way (temperament or diagnosable) the approach would be similar - teaching skills that make DC's life easier and happier, and adapting to traits that don't change.

        by Sue in Queens on Sun May 04, 2008 at 04:34:38 AM PDT

        [ Parent ]

        • thanks.... (0 / 0)

          I think the temperament/diagnosis issue  may be one of the most interesting questions in psychology right now

          that was very helpful to read, to give me some peace as to why it's such a tricky thing to untangle.  

          yes... dd is a she... i will definitely get the book and look for the dvd too, i didn't know about the gender difference with aspergers, so that may help me think through this.

          and although we are not genetically related, that certainly doesn't rule out a genetic trait in her birthfamily.  her birthmom (who i met briefly once) is reserved, but smart and kind and smiley too.  no reported autism spectrum issues in her birthfamily.  

          and this...

          adapting to traits that don't change.

          is definitely a bit part of my work. two things are at play... 1. dd turned five recently, so things i had been "tracking" since she was about 2 and 1/2... i realized they hadn't changed much and probably won't.  and 2. my two year old is about the most social and verbal kid on the planet, so having him ask and say things that dd has never considered, makes the issue more striking.   thankfully, my oldest is a moderated version of his little brother, because the middle two can each be exhausting in different ways.

          by slackermom on Sun May 04, 2008 at 08:41:39 PM PDT

          [ Parent ]

      • Aren't they all part of the same spectrum? (0 / 0)

        My impression had been that ADHD, Asperger's, Autism were conditions that prevailing opinion was that they were probably all part of the same thing (and sensory integration issues fits into that, too). I like labels. I like that they help us categorize and understand quickly, they're a form of shorthand and that's really useful, they only become problematic when people misuse them or are inflexible with them. Label or not, everyone's unique. I think maybe in a lot of ways, what you're doing without a label is what I'd recommend if you did have one, anyway - you need to cherry pick the applicable parts of different conditions to understand DC anyhow, whether they fit more clearly into one condition or not. Honestly, I think that's the best way to deal with Autism Spectrum Disorders anyway, some people have extreme expressions of some aspects and minor ones of others, or vice versa. The important thing is to take what's relevant to you and be prepared to discard what's not helpful.

        "You're never more alone than when you're alone in a crowd."

        by Expat Briton on Tue May 06, 2008 at 08:16:20 AM PDT

        [ Parent ]

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