Don't worry, I'd never skimp on childcare.  My assumption is that we'd have a nanny (and preferably, the same person for the whole stretch) until my youngest (who is 2 now) is in kindergarten or first grade.  I'm not sure what kind of after school and summer care we'd do after that, but we won't skimp.

As far as the participation from dh... that's a whole 'nother can of worms.  I will say that despite our difficulties, he's really an awesome and involved dad--probably the best I've ever seen.  He also does way more around the house than any other dad I know of, even with me at home (I'd say he does about half the cooking and cleaning).  But... it's pretty clear to both of us that at least right now, his career has top billing.  He makes roughly twice what I'd be making, he puts in way more than 40 hrs/wk while my potential position is pretty set, and he's in a really critical stage (working for a start-up with a couple of big launches in the next couple of years).  I think that yeah, most of the time, I would be the one taking them to the dr., staying with them when they're sick, etc.  It sucks, but that's life in America (maybe I'll write another diary entry about that).

The other thing I wanted to add... I think that if this position doesn't come through for me, I will probably keep my eyes open for other good stuff.