Mother Talkers

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  • They can't (0 / 0)

    Simply put, mental illness doesn't show on the outside.  Autism cannot be predicted.  If it's a matter of physical health, many health issues resolve themselves, or appear to be developmental delays at various ages.  The agency needed to prepare them for how to parent an emotionally hurt, injured or frail child.  THey need to accurately report to the best of their ability.  No agency, international or U.S. based has figured out exactly how to do this without occassional mistakes.  The biggest mistake is placing a child with a high level of special needs with a parent who is unwilling or (more often) unable to help that child (due to lack of information, education or resources)

    Each child is referred with paperwork, sometimes videos and photos.  Parents take these to medical experts in the field of International Adoption Medicine.  I know someone who took theirs to a plastic surgeon.  They were told that the kids in the photo were severely disabled and would never live independently.  I also know the person who eventually adopted those kids (guess who?) because she took the referral info to the proper doctor.  Agencies can only control so much.  

    • It's one thing if they don't know. (0 / 0)

      This was a situation where they clearly did know there were major issues.

      Katherine, mom to two boys 7/00 and 1/04

      by pat of butter in a sea of grits on Tue May 13, 2008 at 10:04:05 AM PDT

      [ Parent ]

      • I hear these stories (0 / 0)

        and they usually turn out to be urban legend.  I recently had a back and forth with a woman who was actually referencing my children as "the hopelessly defective children" in just such a story.

        I bring it up because so many prospective parents hear these vague references and wind up being too afraid to adopt children who will otherwise die.  It's a tragedy of immense proportions.

        • This happens to be (0 / 0)

          a colleague of mine. It is not an urban legend.  It has been a very painful experience for him and his family.

          I'm glad you had a good experience with your agency, but that doesn't mean that everyone has a good experience.  I'm not trying to dissuade people from adopting, just describing something that happened to someone I know.

          Katherine, mom to two boys 7/00 and 1/04

          by pat of butter in a sea of grits on Tue May 13, 2008 at 01:23:22 PM PDT

          [ Parent ]

          • I don't disbelieve you (0 / 0)

            And I know plenty of people who struggle to raise The Hurt Child.  You have to assume that certain types of risks are associated with adoption and be ready.  On the other hand, I had an opportunity to say "no, thank you" to things like Downs Syndrome and other conditions that I felt inadequate parenting.  I didn't have that luxury with my birth children.

            My point is

            (1) adoption agencies aren't all agencies to begin with; they are often 1-2 individuals without any extra knowledge, skills or abilities in area of child welfare.

            (2)even the best agencies have only so much information to share and

            (3)our U.S.foster system leaves plenty to be desired (and I know this from years of firsthand experience)

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