Mother Talkers

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  • happy (0 / 0)

    I know you already know this (because you wrote it!), but it sounds like you have a nice option to teach part-time and of course, it sounds like you have a lovely, big happy family, which is wonderful.

    I've been home for five years and I've haven't missed my old "career" once. I had a good job in marketing, very good pay, I loved my co-workers, but I never miss it.  It did take me a while though, to get used to not having the co-workers around, but now all I see are benefits to being home.  My only frustration has been that I thought that I would be able to do a lot more things around the house, like become a good cook and decorate better and exercise more, but most days I only barely get the daily grind done.  I can't even keep up with my photo albums and I'm supposedly home all day.

    The key for me was realizing that I could, very quickly, become very miserable at this, because our society mainly defines people by what they "do," and what you "do" has to be of the paycheck variety. Whether we work outside the home for a paycheck or not, we are so much more than just what we "do."

    by NJmom on Wed Apr 16, 2008 at 05:11:45 AM PDT

    • I think you hit the nail on the head. (0 / 0)

      We get so many conflicting messages.  Ofcourse, when I worked for a short while after having my first three children, I got the conflicting message as well...why was I having babies if I was just "out working"?  

      I liked being at home.  As my children grew, I became involved in a lot of community and political activities  that allowed me to have the opportunity to do the kinds of things I never could have done had I been trying to hold down a job, too.  

      And then, when it became apparent I would not be able to work again, I really felt that societal thing again...only at that time, it felt more as if I'd been played and lied to and finally discarded.

      by tjb22 on Wed Apr 16, 2008 at 07:58:58 AM PDT

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      • SAHM's are (0 / 0)

        low status in our culture. That's rough on a big, social primate. We hate that.

        It's interesting, and I used to rant and rave about it, but I'm okay about it now. I think I went through a period of mourning about it when I figured it out, but now I'm done with that angst and am ready to do something about it.

        by tarantula on Wed Apr 16, 2008 at 01:48:08 PM PDT

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        • Such as... (0 / 0)

          Just curious.

          by Uhura on Wed Apr 16, 2008 at 02:01:43 PM PDT

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          • For me, climate change (0 / 0)

            blows all these "mommy war"/ social status/class inequity problems out of the water, and gives me perspective. If we work constructively on one thing of interest, it seems to magically fix everything else within your little realm of control (something is better, you feel better, and there is perspective and learning to energize you more).

            by tarantula on Wed Apr 16, 2008 at 02:31:07 PM PDT

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        • Yeah, I'm over it. (0 / 0)

          However, it hit again when my kids were no longer what anyone would call "little kids"...maybe I'm paranoid, but honestly, it effects many areas of your life.  I've even noticed that a group of us get treated differently  by health care providers, school personnel, etc.  Now what I run up against is "well, its not like you have anything IMPORTANT to do"....at least there was the concession when I had younger children that they might be considered "something important to do"!

          by tjb22 on Wed Apr 16, 2008 at 02:32:40 PM PDT

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          • Yeah, it sounds like mourning to me. (0 / 0)

            From what you say, it comes in waves when you least expect it, like mourning?

            by tarantula on Wed Apr 16, 2008 at 02:35:34 PM PDT

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            • Yes... (0 / 0)

              its what I tell people about "acceptance".  You hear a lot about "acceptance" in support groups dealing with health issues, too.  I've found that it's not something that you just get, then have forever.  You do it over, and over again.  In waves.  You're absolutely right...and sometimes it just hits you out of the blue.

              by tjb22 on Wed Apr 16, 2008 at 02:38:01 PM PDT

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    • Yes, this sounds right. (0 / 0)

      I miss the people I worked with, and the big ideas, not necessarily the work.

      My key to sanity, as NJmom has mentioned in the past, make sure you get out at least once per day: structure helps.

      by tarantula on Wed Apr 16, 2008 at 01:44:26 PM PDT

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