Mother Talkers

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  • grateful, no (0 / 0)

    I suppose I'm a bit resentful.  We're lucky of course that we are comfortable enough financially.  So I am doing it, I love my kids, and this is best for the family right now.  

    But it's not who I am.  In my 20s I worked 12 hr days 6 days a week, with a part day most Sundays, and I was happy.  I got my PhD back when my subfield was still considered "macho".  I got a prestigious postdoc, then an intense job.  With one child I was able to dial down the job a bit and still manage, but with two?  No dice.  And my field really doesn't have a slow lane, and there's limited opportunity for reentry once you're "overqualified" but out of it. 20 years as a scientist, and now what?

    My mental health was doing really badly until I went back to school.  Now that I have an outlet for that other part of me I'm doing much better, and the whole family is happier.  But I'm going to have to take a degree soon.

    I'm really jealous of those of you who actually enjoy playing Chutes and Ladders.  I start climbing the walls.  I hate soccer practice.  I'm trying to want this life, but failing.

    by lyn on Tue Apr 15, 2008 at 06:10:28 PM PDT

    • do you have to have that life? (0 / 0)

      have you explored whethere there is a nonprofit avenue to put your skills to work?  Nonprofits typically have awesome benefits and are way more flexibile with time -- and I bet there are some out there who wyoud love someone like you.

      I just don't think anyone should be forced to try to "want" a life that doesn't fit them.  Not every mom or dad is cut out to be home and I continue to resent the implication that that should be what we all want.   I couldn't do it and never wanted to do it.  

      I hope you can find something that makes you happier - you sound so sad...  

      by MKatherine1966 on Wed Apr 16, 2008 at 08:25:35 AM PDT

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      • Co-Signed (0 / 0)

        I think that women are expected to fit into certain molds and we can experience real social sanctions when we are unable or unwilling to. Also the resulting depression is at best - downplayed, and at worst - largely ignored.

        by Uhura on Wed Apr 16, 2008 at 11:52:35 AM PDT

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      • a little stuck right now (0 / 0)

        I deeply want to stay in science, as that is a huge part of my identity.  I've tried to retrain into a more useful scientific field - I don't think many non-profits are looking for gene jocks - but am not sure how far that will get me and the state budget crisis is hitting my new area hard.

        Right now, though, I'm kind of stuck.  It's going to be a couple of months before I know how time consuming my son's disorder is going to be in the long term, but in the short term I need to be available for I don't know how many different screenings and specialists.  We're very fortunate in that there is a specialist for this type of rare disease about 1.5 hrs away, but that's still a block of time allocated to appointments.  My husband's job is going to be intense for the next couple of years and we're committed for financial reasons to sticking this out.  I just don't see committing to a full time job in the near future, and biology is not a part time field.

        by lyn on Wed Apr 16, 2008 at 01:02:05 PM PDT

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    • Heh (0 / 0)

      I'm really jealous of those of you who actually enjoy playing Chutes and Ladders.  I start climbing the walls.  I hate soccer practice.  I'm trying to want this life, but failing.

      I waver between grateful for the chance and how you feel.  I love home-with-infant time.  I even LOVED work-with-under-2 time.  But home-with-2-year-old is NOT my idea of fun.

      What do you mean, uh-oh? Toddler & baby pictures

      by round peg inna square hole on Wed Apr 16, 2008 at 08:25:19 PM PDT

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