Tuesday Open Thread

It’s Tuesday! Are you in a braggy mood?

Bragging about kids seems to have become the scourge of social media, according to this New York Times column. Apparently everyone on earth agrees that parents brag too much and need to stop:

That’s right, apparently the civil rights issue of our age is that you have the right to remain silent — and I have the right not to hear about — how your daughter learned to read at 16 months, your son scored 12 goals in the soccer game, and your darling got into Brown, his first choice! (All these example were taken from actual, antibragging diatribes.)

So there were guidelines. Among them:

5.  Don’t brag about something everyone else struggles with.  Ms. Zigman says that she doesn’t want to hear that you’ve nailed some child-rearing problem she hasn’t.  “I don’t want to know what ‘healthy eaters’ your kids are,” she said, “unless you’re posting photos of your kids stuffing their faces with Cheetos and Oreos. If you post photos or updates of how much they love kale chips — for real — I will hide you from my feed. #childkalebrag”

I know I’m guilty of bragging about my kids on occasion. But that’s because they’re so flippin’ special, cute and smart  ;-) The way I see it, if it bothers any of my “friends,” they can ignore me. Or hide me. Or de-friend me. Because if they’re fellow parents, they will understand what’s at the root of it:

Most parents are quietly petrified that we don’t know what we’re doing or, worse, that we’re doing something ruinously wrong. As Ms. Trigiani said: “When a parent brags, part of it is pride. And part of it is relief, because this child is doing something wonderful in a world where a lot of bad things happen.”

Bragging about our children is a way of relieving our anxiety that we’re not total losers as parents. The opposite instinct, what we might call “reverse bragging” — “My kid’s more screwed up than yours”; “I’m such a bad mom, I never go to the playground without a martini”—comes out of the same place.

If there is to be a truce in the bragging wars, it’s because both sides want the same thing: reassurance that they’re doing a passable job at something that’s very hard.

Amen.

Where do you stand on bragging? What else is on your mind today?

Chat away!

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80 thoughts on “Tuesday Open Thread

  1. Last night was somewhat exciting. Dd (almost 3) was running around like a nut, as usual, and tripped and face planted into the seat of a wooden chair. She had a really deep gash so we called the ambulance. The firetruck showed up first, which calmed down my oldest who was hysterical. The ambulance followed shortly. I was glad we did get the ambulance because the roads were bad and I worried about her bleeding too much if one of us took her alone.

    Dd, true to form, did not cry once. She chatted up the ems guys and offered them milk and cookies at our house. They were able to glue the wound so we avoided stitches. Dd proclaimed her evening “fun” and said she “had a great day” at the ER. Sigh. This is my child for whom natural consequences are meaningless. She was back to her wild self immediately. :)

    • I love this: “chatted up the ems guys and offered them milk and cookies”
      Hilarious!
      I’m happy that she wasn’t traumatized, though. I suppose it could have gone the other way. And, I think you were smart to call the ambulance. I once tried to navigate rush hour traffic when dd broke her arm. We were hustled out of the gym. I did ask them to call an ambulance, but was too shocked and panicked to demand it. We could have gone to a better hospital for children, but without sirens I had only enough time for closest.

      • Another perk is that you get fast tracked thru the ER when you arrive by ambulance. We had never had to call one before, I had no idea! She was glued up and home within 2 hours of the fall!

      • I totally agree. DD1 is such a hoot. BB, you are the picture of calm in the storm. Poor DS! So, did you have to navigate this entire scene with DD2 latched on?

        • Haha no, shockingly, dd2 was asleep in her swing and was none the wiser. As for being calm, it’s funny because I freak out over stuff most people don’t even think about. But in a real emergency, I’m a fairly cool cuke. I’ve been called to so many stats and codes, and had people code on me during an exam, that I guess I’m fairly immune. Time seems to slow down and i feel very clear headed in these situations. Also I realized that this was far from life threatening.

  2. I’m totally guilty of the brag but I think i’m especialy guilty of the reverse brag… especially when Liza was little… I was so bad at parenthood that it was my only defense mechanism…. some mom would brag about their kid breastfeeding til middle school and I”d say “ah i just throw her a porkchop and hope for the best” because inside I was convinced i was lacking so much.

    I have learned more and more as I age that it is pretty much never about me and I try to back off on that now.. but for years it was my go to tactic.

    • Your updates are a great example of joy sharing rather than bragging. I love your updates; they’re warm and funny without sharing anything that would embarrass a teen.

      • Yes. This. I there’s a difference between “Holy Crap just look at what my kid did? Can you effing believe that?!” bragging and the ubiquitous humblebrag or straight up “look at what a better parent than you I am” brag. Parenting can be lonely and sometimes we want to celebrate the good moments with people we know will cheer alongside us- what’s so wrong with that?

    • A lot of times when I brag I honestly feel like the things my kids are doing well they are doing in spite of me, not because of me. I feel so frazzled every day that I’m sure I’m failing at 100 things at once, and yet my kids still seem to be thriving — so I’m more amazed than taking credit!

    • I’m kind of FU about the people who complain about bragging. The civil rights issue of our day? What?

      I share things I’m proud of from time to time, plus things they do that are cute/funny, plus milestones, plus frustrations, plus some bad parenting moments. I hope I have a good balance. But if someone doesn’t like what I put out there, I’m fine with them just hiding or unfriending me. Or how bout just scrolling down fast and not paying a lot of attention? I have a few friends who maybe go over the line with too much bragging and I just kind of breeze past their posts. Maybe I roll my eyes from time to time. I agree that some people could be more sensitive when writing a post that makes it seem like they are promoting their excellent parenting. But it still doesn’t make me feel like I’ve been done wrong to have it appear on my feed.

      I love to read about what is going on with the kids of my friends (including MT friends).

    • I like to take pride in my kids accomplishments, and I expect friends to share in that. Parenthood is not all whining and martyrdom, y’know? We have more to share than our war wounds.

    • Because it takes so much for my kids to accomplish milestones and they are so late, I brag brag brag! I’ve found that it encourages other moms od kids with disabilities who’s kids aren’t there yet – they feel hopeful. IN TURN, that makes me happy & celebrates the successes and achievements of my friends & aquaintances who have “typically developing” children. So I’m all for being proud of our kids’ achievements AS LONG AS the pride is for your kid and not “look what I did! Aren’t I the best thing since sliced bread??”

  3. This is a great topic for me today, Erika. As it happens, I was going to mention it here and on FB, so those of you who know me on FB have ample warning :) I have pledged/warned my kids that I’ll brag more. I’ve come to discover that my closed mouth and stingy status postings aren’t doing them any favors. I’ve withheld for reasons including worry about their privacy (until I saw a teenager in a “funny” hospital gown and read “you should see what I got from my teenagers ears using that new wax kit”) and allowing them to share their own news (they don’t because it feels….braggy).
    Meanwhile, kids who are tagged in their parents posts (therefore showing up in the kid’s feeds), reap the social benefits of a brag with impunity. By social benefits, I don’t mean being placed on a pedestal or rubbing their success in someone’s face. I mean having another kid initiate a conversation with them at lunch, a simple “congrats” or feeling just a tad more confidence maneuvering those big high school halls.
    I love seeing everyone’s kids on FB. I am happy for their success and worry about their setbacks. Which brings me to the photos of a certain three year old over on FB…I can’t tell you how much those photos make me smile. Erika, he is such a cutie. I’m not alone; dh gets a kick out of those pictures as we reminisce about the ages and stages our kids have already been through and marvel at what comes next.
    So, maybe some people view it as bragging, but I just think of it as sharing joys and concerns. I have taught my kids that someone else’s success/happiness doesn’t limit or impede your own. (For the record, I wouldn’t post about a job my son got the same day a friend shares her sadness that her disabled son became a ward of the state-that would be absolutely shitty).

  4. I just turned on msnbc (I’m going to work out- I swears it).
    They’re discussing the republican rebranding. And who does the GOP establishment send? Cartoonish stereotypes of all that is wrong with that party….well, that should silence the critics.

  5. I think the key here is to remember that both the brags and the vents are not the WHOLE parenting story. FB and other online outlets allow us to share slices, stories, and the extreme highs and lows. My kids, in reality, are not as wonderful as my brag stories nor as horrible as my vents…….they’re normal kids. I take most brags with a grain of salt – knowing that behind every “Hey my kid got all As” is a whole bunch of just ordinary days and a few “I’m going to pull my hair out” situations.

  6. So…this will be fun. I’m still nauseous from the abx and strong smells make me sick, but I’m supposed to meet another mom today for coffee. In like an hour. This is a mom who sort of terrifies me because not only does she have 4 boys who are all AWESOME, she’s active in local politics, smart as hell, and she teaches kick boxing at the Y. I called and invited her out because somehow she managed to buck the system and get some advanced placements for her boy who is in H’s grade while we weren’t able to get anywhere. I asked her to meet to share a little about how they managed to make this happen (though I suspect it has to do with the fact that, since neither she nor her husband are employed in the district, she can get really vocal when she disagrees with decisions). H’s grades are starting to slide a bit- he’s not doing his homework in math or reading and he’s making stupid mistakes on quizzes and tests because he won’t check his work. It’s all easy stuff and concepts he already knows so he’s bored. Plus, you know, not the most externally motivated kid in the world. (We get a lot of “I know I know it and my teacher knows I know it- why do I have to prove it AGAIN?”) So I’m going to sit in the stinky coffee shop and try not to vomit from nerves or abx. Fun fun…

    • I hope the coffee meeting goes well, and doesn’t trigger too much nausea.

      So frustrating to hear about H – clearly ahead of the class, and bored. I hope she gives you some tips, so you can get that boy more challenged and engaged.

      • It was great. She was lovely (of course) and very helpful. Long and short- it’s all a crapshoot and I need to put in a phone call to the math department chair.

        Bonus: yogurt at the coffee place so I didn’t vomit.

  7. In Mom Guilt news, yesterday I had DS’s PT conference. (Background: we’ve sent our kids to a Montessori school for preschool, and DD also stayed there for Kindergarten. She went there for their toddler program, and then the 3-6yo program. DS went for the toddler program, but will only do 2 years of the 3-6yo program instead of 3. By the end of this school year it will be 7 years of paying tuition there.)

    DH wanted him to go to our public school’s kindergarten this year, but I didn’t think he’d be ready, so I decided to keep him at the Montessori school and then send him to the full-day kindergarten this fall. At the conference yesterday, DS’s teacher was almost in tears as she talked to us about keeping him another year. She said he’s finally had his lightbulb moment and all of the things he’s been learning have come together — he’s one of her best readers, he’s doing (and loving) his addition work, etc. He’s always been lackadaisical in the classroom, so this is a big shift that she’s seen. She feels it is important that he completes the 3rd year of the program so he gets the full benefit of everything he’s been learning. Normally I’d say, of course, why would the school want to lose tuition? Of course they want him to stay. But she has been our kids’ teachers for 5 of our 7 years there. She really cares for them, and has seen both of them growing up all these years.

    DH is adamant that we move on — the expense is high financially. It’s really difficult for me to keep shuttling around every day and try to run a full-time business. I’m losing my marbles over here, and having both kids on the same 8-3 schedule every day will go a long way to giving us the structure we need to have quality family time. It’s so rare that all 4 of us are together these days — and that’s because in order to make this preschool schedule work, I end up working nights and all weekend, every weekend. The other element is $$$ — once I have that tuition money back in my pocket each month, I’ll be able to put it toward hiring someone, or getting an office nearby where I can work/have staff work, or finally getting a new car now that ours is in the shop so often, or paying down the loads of debt that has accumulated over the past 9 years since I left my corporate job to be at home with the kids. Those are all great reasons to put DS into free public kindergarten.

    But what if the best thing FOR HIM is to stay? Ugh. I feel so torn! WWMTD?

    • The best thing for him is a happy mama. We went through something like this when we pulled H out of his Forest Preschool. They wanted him to stay for k, we wanted the cash back and we wanted to not drive 45 minutes each way to get him there. Would it have been good for him to stay? Absolutely. Is he permanently damaged because we didn’t? Nope. He’s fine. Plus he loved his public K, it was a great intro to “real” school for him, and he benefitted from having a mom and dad who weren’t stressed out about the drive and the money.

      • That’s good to know. Our full-day kindy is sort of a separate school. All the grade schools in our district have 1 half-day classroom on site, and then there are 4 full-day classrooms at a different site. So they get bussed from their neighborhood grade school over to the kindergarten. So even though it’s not on the same grounds as DD’s grade school, we’ll have 1 drop-off location & time. Which will be so nice for a while. Him going next year means we’ll have 3 years of that lovely convenience instead of 2 before before DD goes off to jr. high at another school.

        Another factor is with the Montessori school, the kindy runs until 1:30 3x a week, and the rest of the days he’s done at 12:30. On the one hand, it’s a nice bridge between the half-day to full-day transition a lot of kids have a hard time with. On the other hand, when he gets home at 12:30 now, he has to pretty much hang out and entertain himself because I am working.

        I think the public full-day kindy is the best bet for the whole family overall. It really can’t make a difference in the long run, right? He has had 3 years at this place already!

        • We faced this exact dilemma with Lucy who had been at her Montessori from the infant room that she started at 7 months! I think I remember you talking about your positive experience with your DD staying at Montessori. We were really really tempted, but then getting pregnant just kind of sealed the deal for Lucy. Financially, we just didn’t think we could swing it another year while we also started paying for infant care for Clara.

          Turns out, it was a great decision. I actually think that making that transition in Kindergarten, rather than first grade, was really good for her. She thrived in the Montessori structure for so many years and she’s STILL adjusting to the traditional school structure 1.5 years later. But having her do the bulk of that in her kindergarten year when adjustment issues of all kinds are normal, I think, was really important. It’s such a big year just for socialization into regular school and it’s nice to go through it when everyone else also is going through it.

          • Ok, ladies, keep talking! I’m feeling a lot less conflicted. Our DD has excelled academically and we thought the Montessori year would really be good for her. With DS, I don’t want to feel like I’m cheating him from the same experience. I just got an email back from another parent whose oldest went to Montessori kindy with my DD (and now is in her 3rd grade class) and whose 2nd child went to Montessori and then to the public kindy. She really endorsed the public kindy — answering DH’s question “what are the cons to the public kindy exactly?” I had no cons, just unknowns! So her input eases my mind a lot.

            I can’t help but feel annoyed that we’re getting so much emotional pressure to keep him there. I think we’ve spent the equivalent of a year’s ivy league tuition at this place! Let us gooooo.

    • I think – go with the public K – it sounds like it’s a good program, meets your needs financially and schedule wise, and (IMHO) kids are ready for full-day by the time they’re in K (most kids, anyway).

      It’s also a great time to make social connections in K that will stay with him through elem. That doesn’t mean he wouldn’t make friends in first, but it is just one more connection!

      • I’ve LOVED the full day Kindergarten for Isaac. And I was conflicted – we didn’t have a K option at the daycare he’d been at. If we had, I would have probably stayed there. Our district just changed last spring to full-day only for K and before that I had been thinking of enrolling him in the part-day K and then just a “play” daycare for afternoons. One thing people had said, but I didn’t really realize until we started, was how much more flexibility they have with the full day timeframe. They do all the reading/writing/math, but because of the extra time it’s spread across the day, with lots of play and activities and specials throughout. It’s been a fantastic transition for Isaac to get used to “school” while still having lots of fun and time for play. And it’s saved us money and time. I love watching M and I walk to school together :)

        • That’s a great point — the academics are interspersed throughout the day. I’ve heard some parents say that the full day is too long, how can we expect little 5 and 6 year olds to sit still that long, etc., and I kept thinking that they had the same amount of academic time ad the 1/2 day kids, and then lots of other activities during the day.

          • Yep. In retrospect, I think Isaac would have really had a tough time with half day because he would have needed to sit and/or really focus for longer periods of time in a row. His teacher this year is fantastic and really does a great job of “keeping Kindergarten Kindergarten” – so there’s lots of play and activities. And the academic time is just really nicely paced and spread out. I’ve been really happy with it.

    • When i was fretting over our local school versus school choice (which would have involved logistical gymnastics) a friend told me to go with what works best for our family. So far I am really pleased with how it’s going. It helps that DS is fairly mature for his age (how’s that for a brag?) but his teacher also seems to understand that kindergarteners may be squirmy and to compensate for that. In your case more muala + one drop off will probaby ease some of the stress and make everyone happier.

    • I say go with the public school. The teacher has an opinion, but it’s based on a particular context. She thinks he would thrive best at the Montessori, which is lovely and all, but it’s not like she can genuinely tell you how he would perform at the public school. She does care for him, sure, but she’s got natural biases that limit the efficacy of her judgement.

      OTOH, you’ve sketched out great reasons for the whole family why it would benefit you all to have T go to school with A in September. Those are powerful reasons and I would go with them. The input from the woman who’s done what you’re considering is powerful, too. Moving T to full-time kindy isn’t bad, it isn’t less-bad. It’s different and it can be good, too.

      I admit, I’m baised by the fact that, like you, I’m working in the home and trying to fit full-time work around having a pre-schooler in the home. I know what you’re going through – the early starts, the late nights, the compromises and the fact that I shelve a lot of things that would be good for me and good for DH and I as a couple because I want to maintain the balance of working from home and caring for Lily.

    • I’m a big believer in Montessori, but neither of my boys got the third Montessori year. I really don’t think my elder son needed it. I do think my younger one would have benefitted from it (the school closed so it wasn’t an option). But I simply don’t think it is essential to perfect the kindergarten experience. Kindy is mostly about fun, social adjustment, and making sure that all the kids are ready for school. A third year of montessori may or may not provide some extra benefit, but he’s already absorbed most of the montessori advantage. So choose among good options, but don’t agonize about whether one of those options might have been marginally better than another, because you never do know for sure. I suspect just freeing up more of your time for your kids is enough to tip the balance in the other direction.

  8. Ironically, I was just coming over here to brag about Lucy’s progress in reading. Her school has had a read-a-thon and she’s been really motivated by it. She exceeded her personal goal for minutes read, which is great, but I’m mostly really excited about how all the motivation to read has increased her skills. We had a couple of times in the past couple of weeks when she had read more than enough minutes for the day and it was getting late, so I said she needed to stop and she protested, “no! I need to find out what happens!” As a person who has been known to stay up way too late reading “just one more chapter,” it is just so very exciting for me to see her finally starting to catch the bug. In the past few weeks, she’s gone from a struggling beginning reader who can sound out words without always comprehending them to a reader who sometimes gets caught up in the story itself. I just hope she can continue to be motivated to read without the external pressure!

      • Not at all. I don’t know Lucy at all and I’m excited that she’s made the leap to reading that way -loving the story rather than just getting through the words. Yes, almost all children get there but so what? It’s still a big deal for her and you.

      • Well, I sure wish my 10 year old could get to that stage. Lucy is younger than him. So I guess that makes me one who should be offended because your child is superior to mine? After all, I’ve often posted about his ongoing struggles. I know you’ve seen my posts. So the logical conclusion is that you are only writing this in order to rub it in my face, right?

        Gah. Of course we brag on our kids. Do I really need everyone to pretend their kids can’t read, just to make me feel better? Yesterday I bragged on how devoted my boys are to one another – should I hold back to spare the feelings of people whose kids don’t get along well? Should I not talk about them at all except to complain? (And then does it turn into a reverse ‘can you top this’ competition?) Or can we always, always celebrate the best in each of our children?

        In deference to Mrs Zigman, though, I will avoid talking to her. Ever.

        • Indeed, I thought of your DS, specifically, when I was writing this, and wanted you to know what a superior parent I am by rubbing my child’s milestone in his face.

          Actually, I did think of your DS and it gave me pause because of this topic. I wondered if it was offensive since others like your DS have struggled with reading. By her standard, you are right, we can never celebrate anything. Every kid has limitations. My kid has a horrible temper, is clumsy, and is missing a fingertip and nail. So god forbid anyone else ever mention their kids’ sports or dancing prowess, their good nature, or enjoying getting manicures with their daughter. ?? Ridiculous.

  9. I guess what bugs me the most is not bragging, but what bugs the crap out of me is when people talk about their kids like they are so much BETTER than all other kids. Like “I’m sure this school is fine for your kids, but I just don’t think it is challenging enough for my 5th grader since he is ready for college math.” I am constantly shocked how often people say almost exactly that. I am aware of the fact that although my kids are really freaking awesome is because they are my kids and I love them more than life itself. But I am also aware that there are a lot of other fantastic kids out there. My kids do not corner that market.

    Did I mention that my daughter got all A’s on her first high school report card? :-)

    • We have an acquaintance like that. I often go through periods where I just hide her from my FB feed because it gets to be so obnoxious. Her child went through a very scary life-threatening illness and has come out the other side. So I really understand how every achievement is awesome and they celebrate how smart and talented their child is. I get that. But the tone is often like you describe — great for you, not good enough for my snowflake. They still live in the city and may not be out in the suburbs before their child goes to kindy, and navigating the public school system there is challenging. Her FB posts about how they had to do all of this extra work to make sure their child gets into the best magnet school were insufferable — instagramming pictures of her taking practice tests so that she learned how to ace a test and increase her chances of getting a top score put me over the edge.

      My favorite was when she posted something like “I’m devastated! Ford Modeling just declined to rep our child! They had signed X before the illness but now say X isn’t right for their agency! I can’t believe it, I think X is the most beautiful child in the world!”

      • The Ford Modeling one is funny… I think if I was trying to get my kid a modeling contract and he was rejected I wouldn’t be telling everybody on Facebook about it!

  10. Well, I provoked a firestorm here last week by coming out against people like that author. I stand by that statement. Are we honestly saying that our friends have no right to be happy when things are going well for them? Sheesh. Here’s a hint: if it offends you that your Facebook friend is proud of her kids, then you are not really friends.

    Tied together with that, I also think we should stop putting ourselves (and oru kids) down–the opposite of what the author wants. She’s saying, “You can only tell me something good if you follow it up with something bad.” I think a lot of us do this–like when someone asks me if Stormy sleeps through the night, I say “Yes, but he fights naps like he’s being waterboarded.” That’s all true, but why can’t I just say “yes”? Because I don’t want the person to think I’m bragging. And I would *never* tell someone out of the blue that he sleeps through the night! Yet if BB or MoanaBlue or Pink & Orange or Lilianna said their little ones do, I’d honestly be happy for them! I wouldn’t think they’re bragging at all.

    • Do you think it’s also a female thing? The same thing that makes it so hard for some women (me included) to accept compliments or stop putting ourselves down? Also, this:

      ?Here’s a hint: if it offends you that your Facebook friend is proud of her kids, then you are not really friends.”

      Nailed it.

      • I think mostly so, yes, and I think studies have borne that out. I have a male colleague who does a lot of big presentations, though, and I keep telling him to stop putting himself down in them because it makes him sound less credible. Then again, in other situations people like him way better than me (most people think he’s my boss, when our titles are the same and I have seniority), so what do I know?

    • I totes don’t remember the firestorm you are talking about! Short memory, I guess. Here’s the one thing about “bragging” that annoys me. I hate it when people describe a child’s accomplishment and then say that their special snowflake is “the smartest kindergartener ever” or “the sweetest girl I know” or the like. I know it’s just a figure of speech, but it does sort of go beyond regular pride or mommy brag to say “my kid is better than your kid.” I’m sure we all *think* our own kids are the smartest, cutest (etc), to US, but I bet we wouldn’t typically say out loud to another mother’s face, “my baby is cuter than any other babies.”

  11. I think the bragging situation totally depends on the person doing it. My SIL/BIL are toppers…whatever another other kid does their kids do better or earlier. Commbined with their judgy attitude about everyone else it adds up to annoying. But I like to hear about other people’s kids and all the good things they do.

  12. I love people’s brags on their kids. I just do. OK, sometimes I throw an eye-roll at toppers and such, but you know what? There are days when parenting just kinda sucks and there are days that are amazing. Why not share the joy that comes with the good stuff? Bring it on!

  13. It’s funny for me … my younger one is I think more similar to a lot of other kids of people here, and thus bragging about his achievements seem like it would be less weird, because they tend to occur in more “acceptable” areas like academics. I feel awkward bragging about the achievements of my older one, since where he really excels is athletically. There have been a fair number of comments here and on FB denigrating sports in general, not to mention there are kids who have trouble with physical things (probably including my younger one honestly, or at least he is more of an average athlete). I’m not huge on sports myself although I liked playing on teams when I was younger, but my kid is not like me – he’s good at them and he loves playing. It is fun when he does something like hit a grand slam on his first at-bat of the season (which happened last spring in Little League), but it seems weird to bring it up. Of course, on the other end there are people who are way too over the top with their sports obsession. I try to keep it in perspective, it’s a fun thing for him and it’s nice that he has an area where he really does well.

    • Brag away on the sports! I never thought I would be mom to an athlete, but I am. She’s pretty bright too. :)

      And she’s going to the high school state championship swim meet, on the medley relay team. Pretty cool considering she’s not a year round (club) swimmer. Are you sick of me yet?

  14. DH is down sick again. I don’t know what’s going on with him, but these days, the simplest bug takes him down for the count. He came home early from work yesterday and isn’t going in today. Which is smart. He’s also going to see the GP today, which is smarter. I swear to bob, this job is killing him in inches – before taking this latest job, he had a total of maybe four sick days in the 11 years that we’d been together. In the last 18 months, he’s been out for 10 days total, including a visit to the ER for irregular heartbeat (stress related) and an MRI for possible kidneystones (turned out to be colic). Can somebody please send DH a clue about the links between this super-high-stress work enviroment and his crumbling immune system!?

        • You know, DH had something like that once. All his brothers get kidneystones, though he never has. Shortly after we moved here, but before he had a job, he was having those symptoms. He was convinced it was kidneystones and went to urgent care, but he was told it was just stress-related stomach pains or gas. It was enough of a relief to hear this that it helped a bit. And then after he got a job offer a week later, it went away entirely. Now I wonder if that was actually colic. Weird!!

          • To be fair, it wasn’t ever diagnosed as colic. But when he went for an MRI looking for kidneystones, the doctor described his condition as “colicky pain.” It eventually passed.

  15. Pat of Butter, go ahead and brag about your kid’s athletic accomplishments. If that’s where he excels, that’s really cool. We have a lot of athletes in our family and I love hearing how well they do even if it doesn’t seem to be a strength for any of my kids

    In general, I think people just need to deal if they don’t like what their friends post on FB. Also, has anyone noticed that parents bear a lot of this. Don’t brag, eeww don’t put up lots of baby or kid pics. If people don’t like that, they should only friend childless people or something.

    Oh and Kat, that story made me LOL. DD 1 is so funny!

  16. Hmm. I’m mostly on Facebook to keep up with family and friends that aren’t here with us. So I post important things in our lives (diving competitions, first day of school photos, judo belt gradings, fish dying, etc). I suppose it could look braggy to someone else…but I’m really just trying to give people that love my kids and aren’t nearby a snapshot of what we’re doing. I’ve never been offended by another person’s “hey, look at what my kid is doing” post.

    However. I used to be a part of a play group that started out at a baby yoga group. I was never really in the “core” of the group, and after a while, I was sort of shouldered out. This was mutual…after baby hood, I didn’t have much in common with the majority of them. But it was still a little stingy…kind of in a “I’m not cool enough for the cool kids” sort of way. Now I’m friends with a few of them on facebook (the ones that I like), and they post photos of play group holidays with captions like “I’m so lucky to have the best group of mum’s in the world”. Totally fine, and in my rational mind, I don’t care. I can’t think of anything worse than being stuck with all of them on a holiday. But it still kind of mind worms me. I wish they’d start a private group for their mutual admiration. And that’s probably totally unfair, so I’ll never say anything.

    Facebook is like middle school all over again.

    • I can see how that would be hurtful. Hell, when I’m with a mood I’m capable of taking it kind of personally when friends of mine say things like, “had a great night out with our dear friends.” I’m all like, “Hey, why didn’t you call us? We’re your dear friends!” And then I remember that we do live 500 miles away, but I somehow still feel annoyed.

    • I can see how that would be hurtful. Hell, when I’m in a mood I’m capable of taking it kind of personally when friends of mine say things like, “had a great night out with our dear friends.” I’m all like, “Hey, why didn’t you call us? We’re your dear friends!” And then I remember that we do live 500 miles away, but I somehow still feel annoyed.

  17. Signing on late…. Weird day. I’ve been leading a clergy retreat and had sporadic email/FB. Two acquaintances and a friend all had babies today. Another very dear friend had a termination scheduled after fatal abnormalities were discovered early in the 2nd trimester. Joy and sorrow all together – that’s life, right?

    Say a prayer or light a candle for these new (or new-again) parents, and for my friends whose journey to parenthood has taken a really crappy turn.

    Oh, and my kid is a genius with amazing social intelligence and is the cutest thing on two feet. #brag

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