Weekend Open Thread

What a f*cking week, amirite?!

I won’t bury the lead, as we journalists are known to say: I had another miscarriage this week. Yes, I got pregnant almost immediately after my last miscarriage (so I guess my years-long fertility issues are a thing of the past?). Yes, the pregnancy likely was a factor in my ongoing case of Bell’s Palsy, which I have learned is quite common among ladies who are expecting. Yes, this sucks ass and I’m feeling quite sorry for myself at the moment.

I will admit I had a bad feeling about this pregnancy, just skeptical that I would carry it to term. I chalked it up to lingering fears from my miscarriage in November and did what I was supposed to: take the prenatals, calcium and DHA, give up caffeine, eschew booze.

Then came the headaches and the Bell’s Palsy, and the antivirals and the steroids that my midwife assured me were safe. The spotting started Monday and on Wednesday it became bleeding. On Thursday, at 7 weeks 5 days, I saw my midwife. A blood test and an ultrasound later, I discovered the baby likely stopped growing several weeks ago, but it took my body a while to catch on.

My midwife says 3 miscarriages is the magic number, so to speak, and should we decide to try again she would recommend taking progesterone from the get go and seeing a perinatologist because I’m SO OLD.

So I’m taking this as a sign that it’s time to shut down the factory. I already have two healthy children and I’m not keen on a high-risk pregnancy just for the sake of having another baby. And yet… the control freak in me hates the fact that this decision isn’t being made entirely on MY terms. I resent that these circumstances seem to be dictating my choice.

Ah well. First world problem, I know. Still a suckfest.

And yet: I am thankful for DH, who has been working and taking care of the kids and feeding everyone while I recuperate from my various maladies. So thankful to know he will support my decisions, no matter what.

Beyond thankful for my kids, who make my life so full. Another child would have been the cherry on top, but life is already quite the decadent sundae, so to speak. They are my joy, and if they weren’t so great, I wouldn’t have been so willing to try for another one of the little buggers.

And I’m thankful for my health. Bell’s Palsy and a miscarriage are no walk in the park, but then I think of our Mom of Twins’ acquaintance, who also started suffering headaches, but who was diagnosed with an inoperable brain tumor and died earlier this week. Life is precious, and I will strive to appreciate all I have rather than dwelling on what I don’t.

Thanks for listening, thanks for understanding, thanks for your friendship. This isn’t something I feel comfortable sharing with anybody except my closest family members, but it’s therapeutic to write out my thoughts and feelings and know I will receive nothing but support from this amazing community. Yet another reason to be thankful.

Please tell me what you’re up to this weekend. Share a stupid joke, a funny website . . . I could use a laugh or two!

Chat away.

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49 thoughts on “Weekend Open Thread

  1. Hey – Sending you hugs after such a hard few weeks. I’m glad you can focus on the positives of your wonderful hubby and beautiful kids, but it’s OK to pamper yourself a bit, too!

  2. Erika — BIG hugs for your hard week. I’m so glad you are surrounded by love and support throughout this time.

    As for something to bring a smile. The opening number from Hugh Jackman’s turn as Oscar host always, always cheers me up. Don’t know if it will do the same for you, but here goes:

  3. For an uplifting website, check out “Single Dad Laughing”, one of my faves these days. Some posts are serious, but many are silly or sweet. Once a week, he has “This is Beautiful You”, where his readers share their own photos. The (fake) story of Rush Limbaugh being kicked out of a Mexican restaurant that is on The Daily Currant, was pretty funny (too bad it’s not true).

    And when all else fails, I go back to the favorite joke of my favorite 13 year old – “Guess What?” ……..(mom always falls for it – what?)…..Chicken Butt!

  4. Much love Erika. Virtual hugs. I’m glad that you are so surrounded by love – in person and virtually.

    As for WWMTD funny stories… We’re driving home from dinner last night and Isaac starts belting out the following song:

    “I LOOOOOOVE… these f^%$& days.” Repeat over and over.

    At first we thought we misheard, but he was definitely dropping the f-bomb. But it was clearly a tune he had heard. So we asked where he learned the song. And he said his teacher has it on in the classroom. So I’m pretty sure he’s not hearing the right words.
    :-) But I’m not quite sure how to write the e-mail to his teaching asking what the words are exactly that he is hearing!

  5. Oh honey. I can’t believe this. That is just so incredibly rotten. I am so, so sorry. I also cannot believe you ran that marathon while you were pregnant. You are amazing.

    I wish there was something I could say to make the hurt go away. Crying tears for you today and sending much love…

    • Thanks sweetie. I did wonder if running the half marathon was wise, but honestly I had been training and everything I have heard and read says as long as you feel up to it and you don’t suddenly overdo it, it’s fine to continue your exercise routine while pregnant. My only symptom was the swollen, tender breasts, so I decided to go for it. I took it easy and ran slowly. I don’t regret it. It turns out the baby had likely stopped growing by the day of the race, and I had a really good time running it with Elisa. We are Mamis, hear us roar!

  6. Oh Erika. I am so, so sorry. Big huge hugs. What a hard week! I hope that you can find comfort in your family at this time and that they let you take it easy for a while.

  7. How awful, Erika, I am so sorry for your loss! You are keeping great perspective on things, but please do allow yourself to mourn your loss, and what will not be, as much as you need to. Sending lots of hugs your way.

  8. Oh, Erika, I am so so sorry for your loss. Hugs to you and papiblez. Take gentle care with yourself and hug those sweet darlings of yours — they are truly the most adorable and lovely kids.

    If you do feel differently about trying the progesterone weeks or months from now, I would be happy to share my experience with having done that.

    xoxoxo

    • I guess I’m skeptical because before I got pregnant with Alex, I did two rounds of IUI. I got pregnant the second time, did the progesterone, and ended up miscarrying at 11 weeks. That one was brutal because we had seen the heartbeat and I really thought I was out of the danger zone.

      Then I immediately got pregnant with Alex, no medical intervention, no progesterone. Go figure. It all seems like such a crapshoot sometimes.

  9. I only have one joke but I’ll throw it out there:

    Did you hear about the girl who lost her left side? She’s all right now.

    Get it? All RIGHT now?

    Yeah, I know- lame.

    Sending hugs and vibes to you sweetie. You’re right- it’s the suckiest suck in all of suckdom.

  10. (Take two. WP ate this first time.)

    Oh, honey. That sucks. Lotsa hugs to you.

    DD2 went to the regional high school swim meet this morning. Their medley relay placed well enough to go to the state championship on Thursday. Yay, they get to go to states! Rats, we have to get up for predawn practices a few more times!

  11. Thanks you all for the hugs and support. It means the world to me. Such a crappy, overcast day to match my mood. I think I’ve decided to say f*ck it and and go to Disneyland tomorrow. Alex turns 3 on Monday, so it will be one last time we don’t have to pay his admission :D

  12. My dad just brought Molly the cutest little wooden heart for Valentine’s Day. He was just messing around and this little thing just appeared in his hand. He managed to carve about 10 of them pretty quickly, so he’s throwing them up on the shop to see if they catch on. I like how smooth it is- it’s like a really sweet little worry stone. Anyway, if anyone’s interested, they’re $2.50 each or $10 for 5 (including US shipping). You can order them here.

    https://sites.google.com/site/paparichtercarving/

  13. More hugs for you, Erika.
    Even in sadness, you are one of the most joyful, life-affirming women I’ve ever known. You live life to the fullest each and every day; I’m inspired not just by your actions, but by the fact that you share your life so generously with us.

    I don’t have any great jokes or funnies at the moment, but here’s an awwww from the Puppy Bowl Cam on Jezebel:
    http://jezebel.com/5978856/puppy-bowl-puppy-cam-provides-inside-look-at-locker-room-shenanigans?tag=puppy-bowl

  14. Erika, I am so, so sorry for your loss. I wish you peace and physical health as soon as possible! What a shit month January is. F U, January! I hope your kids and husband give you lots of love and hugs … here’s a hug from Minnesota. My hands are cold, sorry :).

  15. Superbowl!!!!! For those of you who don’t watch the superbowl (like me), I’ve got the highlight right here. No, not the record setting kickoff return, though that was pretty cool, too. I was looking for the halftime show for DS10 but was too late for that. Instead we saw this:
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=8Y800s8y9Zg

    “To the curious, the inquisitive, the seekers of knowlege, the ones who just want to know about life, about the universe, about yourself, to the rebels, the artists, the free thinkers and the innovators, dare to think for yourself, look for yourself to make up your own mind because the one that’s true is what’s truly for you.”

    • How did I miss that? Must have been while I was trying to get M to go to bed…Wow. Too bad Tom Cruise already spilled the crazy sauce all over Scientology.

      • I have to wonder if that spot was market specific. They claim ownership of “truth”, which can’t possibly fly in conservative christian parts of the country. Not that it will around here either, but I suspect in my circles the howls will be of laughter, not outrage.

        • (Whoops, I think my comment was eaten, but I was able to Google the answer to my question-hope it doesn’t show up twice)

          Remember a couple of years back when CBS refused to air a UCC add “God is Still Speaking” because it featured a variety of people, including gay couples, who were welcome at church?
          I don’t think the ad ran in every market, but I could be wrong.
          I recently heard a Terry Gross interview with the author of Going Clear, which is about L.Ron Hubbard and the Scientology movement; much about why he was so keen on getting Hollywood actors involved. You can read it here:
          http://m.npr.org/story/170009218

  16. Oh Erika I am so sorry. I had just one miscarriage, but it was one of the most heartbreaking experiences of my life. Definitely nothing wrong with you feeling sorry for yourself. Take care of you and I’m so glad you have a partner who is taking care of you and letting you recover.

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