Friday Open Thread

Happy Friday! This week was the longest week EVER. I plan to thoroughly enjoy my weekend. What are you up to?

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48 thoughts on “Friday Open Thread

  1. My DD has moved home for the break! I love my boys, but sure missed having her in the house. She had a really good first semester. Whew.

    Otherwise, babies are on my mind. My sister is being induced today and my niece is due within the week. I can hardly wait!

  2. You are not kidding about the longest week. Although mine started last Friday.

    The tax collectors sent me an angry letter that turned out not to apply. So that’s a bit of stress removed.

    But there’s still the huge terrifying matter or DS’s school & attention problems. When I stop and thing, I notice it more. He literally cannot walk across the room without being distracted by 3 things on the way. I guess I just didn’t realize that that isn’t developmental… I think some of it is, like the bedwetting, but either way we need to get on a better track, giving him consistency and calm…

    I guess I am less freaked out about special ed stuff (that’s more a matter of feeling like a clueless n00b…) as COMPLETELY FUCKING TERRIFIED that it gets us into a system and higher scrutiny and then people notice my shortcoming and take the kids away. It sucks because I think that being in various systems is good to get help. And I need help. I need therapy and a concrete plan and as much assistance as possible to have our living space be clean and organized and our routine manageable and healthy. But my sole experience dealing with child-related gov’t folks amounts to “If you dare to be mentally ill in public, people take away your baby.” And that time I had the distinct feeling that being a professional with a stable job and two parents and the means to implement some stuff counted a lot. Now I have none of that. DH repeatedly tells me how bad I am at being poor. You can’t afford to fix mistakes, so you can’t afford to make them. But I make mistakes I don’t even know are mistakes, plus plenty I do…

    In any case nothing is moving at high speed. DH will probably talk with DS’s teachers the week after New Year’s. I will be speaking with the school counselor next week. And the health center is supposed to get back to me about assigning a therapist soon. I feel like if I had that from the beginning so much crap could have been avoided, but I never succeeded at following through the whole process. Still haven’t, but I have been kicking and screaming until people hold my hand and help me make phone calls, because otherwise I won’t be able to do it.

    • lovey… do YOU have someone to talk to? A therapist or counselor..? because taking care of getting yourself some feelings of control, organization and a plan will make a HUGE difference to your ability to get the right help for your son… take care of the needs in you first (oxygen mask etc) and the rest will be easier…

      • Well, that is what I have been working on setting up. I am also going to talk to the school counselor and probably some folks the ped. recommended to see about helping DS, but that’s not the immediate priority.

    • Yeah, I have to echo what Katie said — if you are the one who will have to handle this solo, take care of you first. Let the school take care of DS while he’s in their care, and use that time to get treatment for yourself. Despite your past experiences after your baby was born, the system is there for a reason, use every last bit of it until you are on your feet.

      I know your DH is off in medical school (becoming an osteopath IIRC?), but it seems like he’s very little support. Waiting to talk to the teachers until after New Year’s is not much of a contribution on his part — his kid needs help, his wife needs help, and surely he can find 1 hour in the day to get on the phone.

      Hugs, Lonespark, it seems like a lot to tackle, but with support I hope it becomes easier for you.

    • What everyone else has said, of course, but is there some way *we* can help? I’m thinking of times when we’ve given daily nudges/ check-ins for other folks, (including me!) to make sure they were doing the things they wanted to do like making phone calls, taking meds, etc.

      I also get how scary it is to enter the SpEd system, but it’s not like the other “systems” in that *you* are in control of what happens, not the system. Think of them as Team DS- a whole support system designed to get him what he needs- and let yourself lean into them a bit.

      Hugs honey.

      • this is excellent advice… put your son at the center of the team.. not you.. the team and the system are there to HELP him not JUDGE you… flip your thinking and see if that helps put one foot in front of the other

      • Are you a Captain Awkward reader, by chance? I was just thinking yesterday that there needs to be a Team DS, and also a Team Me, and how these are clearly not the same. Sometimes I feel like I wouldn’t even make the cut for Team DS. But probably I would be like, the backup shortstop or something. A contributor, not the integral superstar…

        • step one in your project on Team You is changing that thinking… you don’t have to be the best mom but you have to be HIS mom.. and that makes you the most important.. bc you are the RIGHT mom for HIM…

        • lonespark- I am sorry things are so hard for you right now. You don’t have to be perfect to be on his team. Lord knows I wouldn’t qualify for my kids if that was the case. Just keep loving him and doing what you think is right for him.

        • Honey, you’re the captain, the quarterback and the head cheerleader ’cause you’re his mom. Period. You had all the credentials you needed for the job the day you took on that responsibility.

          Try to look at yourself with soft eyes, okay? Think about the way you look at the people you love best, and then look at yourself through that same set of loving, forgiving eyes.

  3. This week sucked ass. Two exams (one involving a possessed spectrophotometer that wouldn’t cooperate meaning that I failed that portion) , several doctors losing their sh!t over the computer system and having to ride in to rescue them, teaching a class for the first time since April – and that particular class for the first time, having a colleague give me an adjudication afterwards – like a formal “let’s sit down because I have notes about your performance” type adjudication…she’s not my manager or anything…, and I still have the huge final exam on Monday before I can even think about Christmas…

  4. Happy Friday, everyone!

    I can’t believe how many years I’ve been following this site. And it’s very homey to read all the chatting and to recognize everyone. I’m sorry that I’m not always up on all of the details like I was in 2007, but it’s really comforting that you’re all out there.

    We have nothing big planned for the weekend beyond a friend’s princess party and admiring our new pet bunny. We like to live at a slow pace.

      • Oh yes, and still in cheap Chuck Taylors (they are narrow, but I broke mine in). I love it….now at month 14 of forefoot striking in cheap shoes and it just gets better.

        I might be working on a running research project with a kinesiology professor next semester. I’m that into it.

        Thanks for asking. Are you still running?

  5. I have the most lovely found day today. My sis was supposed to come down to shop but she had a last minute crises (nothing dire, just a childcare snafu) so she can’t come. I worked my a$$ off all week to free up the day and now I get to have it all to myself! (We’ll, until 3 at least- then it’s Ortho/ Nutcracker for the rest of the day.)

    :-)

  6. Excitement/hassles around here. Yesterday afternoon the neighbor’s tree trimmer goofed and pulled all the power lines, cable, etc off our house. Power company hooked us up temporarily for the night and electrician is supposed to come “first thing” this morning (though when I last checked at 9:30, there had been no sign of them). Clara’s still home sick and DH is there, waiting for the electrician while I work for a few hours at a coffee shop. I’m thankful that all happened in the afternoon in the middle of the week when it was 50 degrees and I was home, rather than the branch falling off in an ice storm at 2am some Saturday night. But once it all gets fixed, there are cosmetic things with the siding and paint that will have to be repaired. I hate having to stay on top of people (tree trimmer’s insurance, etc) to make sure things get done.Trying to presume it will all be fine so I’m not too stressed about it. And I’m enjoying a little alone time at the coffee shop. Time to work, I guess.

  7. I heard a fascinating piece on NPR this morning about the parent trigger law in California being used in one particular district, Adelanto. More than 50% of parents in the school signed a petition to trigger a parent takeover of an elementary school in this small town and now the district, parents and outside groups like Parent Revolution (which is a front group for a charter company) are negotiating to figure out what comes next. The text of the article is in the link, or you can listen to the piece. The really interesting part to me was that (not surprisingly) the parents are not united on it. They talked to parents whose kids are doing fine the way things are and they don’t agree at all with the parents who want the school remade as a charter.

    The way the parent trigger law passed was really crazy and in any case was not based on any research on school success. I sympathize with the parents who are desperate to find a way to get their child to succeed but there is no evidence that this is going to help.

  8. Long sucky week here. I am simply no longer accustomed to having every minute of every day filled up; I’ve gotten used to having free time of my own to allocate. Yeah I know, rough problem to have. But this was supposed to be my week for christmas shopping. The entire week got so packed up with field trips and medical and therapy appointments and christmas parties and car repairs at an out of town dealership and lice marathons and attending benefits enrollment meetings as my husband’s proxy, I was having trouble squeezing in the ordinary groceries/laundry/pharmacy type stuff, let alone the overdue new shoes for the kids and decorating the tree. So at long last today I get to start christmas shopping. Oh joy.

  9. School shooting in Connecticut and at least one child is believed to have been killed along with the principal.

    Can we please repeal the second amendment now? UGH

  10. I lost it when I heard that the police told the kids to hold hands and close their eyes as they led them
    Out of the building- try to preserve the last bits of their innocence.

  11. The number of children that are dead 20 in total,this guy had mental problems,my heart goes to all those parents who lost their children ,this guy according to the news was 24 yrs old he killed his father first and then went to the school to kill his mother who was a teacher in that school ,then the students between. 5 and 10 yrs old ,he killed the director and psychology of the school.president Obama was crying while He gave his speech he could hardly talk,of course He is a father too.this country needs a change ,that second amendment has to disappear 27 deaths. I heard in the news that Japan has a law that none of their citizens are aloud to Carrie or port any guns they should have that law here in USA. we should protest,sign petitions or anything in our power to make the government pass this law as Japan.

    • It’s my first time posting on this site,but I always read the diaries and comments I hope that my comment went through . The name of this killer is Adam Lanza .Im still following the news. And they are still saying about Japan’s law that no citizens have no right to buy,Carrie or use any type of guns or firearms.the government it’s cutting funds for mental health institutions.we are surrounded by people with this type of problems, and the video games with violence content doesn’t help at all.

  12. I’m a friend and a sister in JESUSCHRIST of Elisa’s mother who i met through Facebook ,also a fan of this site mothertalkers and momsrising, I admire all your hard work, and read your comments, I also read momsrising’s posts and all of you are always in my prayers, may our Lord JESUSCHRIST continue blessing all of you with health,strength ,wisdom and peace so you can continue doing such a wonderful job. I am a mother too,of two beautiful girls. Im arleen dowell in Facebook .

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