Midday Coffee Break

As I was driving home yesterday, I was very pleased by a string of GREAT songs that brought up all kinds of…feelings! I pulled over and started compiling a list. The songs I will feature this week, are songs that made me feel nostalgic. I hope they remind you of something pleasant.

133 thoughts on “Midday Coffee Break

    • Yeah, I’d like to get a

      better understanding.  Think I’m going to get in touch with my friend in London for her take.  She’s my very “liberal” English friend, so I always like hearing her point of view.  It might be a little different than what we are getting from our media.  Not that she would approve of the rioting and violence, but she might have more insight and be able to explain things that we aren’t hearing about.

      • Is it

        connected to the protests they were having last winter?  Perhaps they are tired of paying for things like royal weddings and hosting the Olympics while the services they’ve been paying taxes for are being revoked.  It makes more sense to do it in August, since I hear they were put in cages outside for hours on end in the dead of winter last time.  

        I don’t condone violence, but I have to wonder if it’s any worse than the way we’ve been sitting here and allowing ourselves and the world at large to be totally screwed over.

        • I don’t know if it’s a direct connection,

          but as their unemployment rate has gone higher since all the “austerity” measures were enacted, I’m sure the mood is grim.  And as is usually the case, it’s the lower income and younger people who really feel it the most.

          I know there is also a very real streak of racism there, too.  

        • What I understand

          is that this is in protest of a police shooting of a young person that happened last week.  I imagine the large unemployment rates among the young (which was in the paper a bit when we were over there in May) is a contributing factor to the upset.

    • DH happens to be in London this week after

      business meetings in Rome. We have spoken and he says the authorities were completely caught off guard.

      He is of the opinion — get this — that the “ruling class” must act swiftly to quell the violence, even if it means “gunning the rioters down in the streets like the worthless scum they are and letting the corpses rot in the sun as an abject lesson to the other filthy degenerates.” (And that is a direct quote from a text!)

      See what I deal with in my family, and he is 100% dead-pan serious.

        • Very little empathy for what he considers

          “feral humans.” His family were Fascists in Mussolini’s Italy and only turned against Il Duce at the very end after the Allies liberated Rome in June of 1944.

          His whole family has lived a life of wealth and privilege for centuries, they believe it is their destiny as part of the “ruling élite” to control and keep the “lower classes” in check.

          I’ve been in their company and I am barely tolerated, and only because my Mother comes from a well-to-do Dominican family that can trace its origins back to Mediæval Spain, otherwise I am viewed as one step above a field hand.

  1. Well, my husband feels a lot

    better today.  

    A couple of years ago, he hurt his knee.   Since then, it’s given him problems.  In the way that men can do, he has allowed himself to believe during this time that his whole knee was “shot” and that nothing less than total replacement was needed.  He finally brought it up with the doctor last year, and the doctor felt as if he might have had a small Meniscus Tear.  Finally, my husband got around to seeing an orthopedist today.  He agreed that he had probably torn the meniscus a couple of years ago, but after looking at x-rays could find no real damage to the knee itself.  No arthritis, no sign of inflammation.  So, he told him to take anti-inflammatories if it hurt and that he’d arrange for some physical therapy to tighten up the ligaments a bit.  

    So, after two years of hearing about how bad it all probably was, he can give it a rest.  I know he was scared about it, but geez.  Men.

      • no kidding…

        can I tell you how many times he’s made noises that were nothing like anything that ever escaped my lips giving birth????

        And you should see him when he has a cold.

          • LOL!

            My DH once went to the dentist because he had a “horrible toothache” and was convinced that he needed a tooth pulled or something. Instead, he found that he had a popcorn husk stuck between his teeth. In other words, dude needed to floss. I mean, we’ve all been there with the popcorn between the teeth, but I’d venture to guess that most of us could figure out how to resolve it without professional intervention.

          • I do try to be nice…

            as my husband has been so good about taking up the slack and doing all the things I can no longer do.  He never complains, either.  However, that doesn’t mean that he isn’t a little over the top sometimes…of course, he was like that back long before I ever had any health problems.  He realizes…and he knows that anxiety can get the best of him in situations like the one with his knee.  We do joke about it…everytime some weird little ache or pain happens, we’ll joke about it being his 89th stroke or his 120th recurrence of cancer.

    • Maybe he could

      try glucosamine.  It was a miracle supplement for my elderly dog, and I bought some for my DH, who probably also has a meniscus issue.  He’s seeing improvement with it.

    • You never know….

      My MIL seems to have a lot of knee pain even though the doctor can’t find anything wrong with her knees.  She’s very frustrated, because she wants them to do something for her and the doctor doesn’t want to do surgery on a problem that he can’t diagnose and therefore has no reason to believe surgery will help.  

      OTOH, while I don’t think she is malingering, I do think maybe she’s spent her whole life identifying so closely with being sick that she’s a bit…hypersensitive about it.  

      • Many knee problems

        come from loose ligaments.  Maybe your grandmother has a bit of a connective tissue disorder that make her’s especially so.  Such an issue would not necessarily show up on standard testing.  Doesn’t mean it doesn’t hurt, though.  

        My husband?  Well, you know, if you have something serious wrong with a bone or joint, it’s not a from time-to-time issue.  It’s pretty much all the time.  Sure, his knee will sometimes hurt when he turns it a funny way.  It’s kinda like that old joke about the doctor asking if it hurts when you do this….

      • Absolutely.

        or just shorten it down to “man hurt”.  Cause let me tell you, they can trim their nails and claim near lethal injury.

        • dude

          DH managed to slightly scald himself with the steam from an iron while ironing a going-out-on-a-date shirt. He tried to use a light scald as a get-out-of-work-free card for about 48 hours until his sister skewered him with her big sister eyes and said “man up – you’re not crippled.”

  2. Barfy dog

    My dog started throwing up yesterday afternoon and continued through this morning, so I took her to the vet. Saline infusion, IV antibiotic, two X rays later, she’s still lethargic but is keeping water down. No visible tumors (which is what I was afraid of), doc thinks her pancreas or adrenal glands are overproducing. May or may not be related to her other issues – we were there last week for peeing everywhere. Poor pooch, getting old sucks. And man is it expensive.

    • Speaking of pancreases

      today is my grandfather’s birthday and he and gramma’s anniversary. They are at MD Anderson in Houston for his pancreatic cancer. SO the good news is the cancer is contained and slow growing. They are going to fight it with chemo (at home) and then do some surgery to remove what is left of it if his cardiac issues are resolved enough.

      On the other hand because of this diagnosis my gramps had some tough words for me to hear about all the other issues he has been having lately, including bouts of senility. I literally felt like he had punched me. He says there are times when people speak to him or he’s listening to TV and he has no idea what is being said. It was such a blow. How horrible to perfectly cognizant of one’s decline. It kills me that he is going through all this.

      • sorry to hear this, Suzanne

        It’s difficult to watch your grandparents and parents age and get sick, that’s for sure. Glad the cancer prognosis is pretty good, at least…

      • so sorry hon

        love and prayers are all i can offer.  i’m watching my grandma go through similar (albeit lesser) trials and it’s so hard.

      • I’m so sorry

        This probably won’t help you now, but at the point when he doesn’t know he’s declining, he will be fine. My grandma is now pretty happy most of the time because she doesn’t really know she’s in a nursing home and slowly fading away. In her world, her cousins come to visit, my brothers & I are little kids (yet still have our own adorable children) and it’s always summer & she can see her garden.

        I’m going to see her in three weeks, and I know the hardest thing will be if she doesn’t know me (she did in March when I saw her last). So I do think this sort of thing is harder on us eventually than on our loved ones. And I’m glad he & your grandma are together.

    • I think

      as an adult I’ve only had one other friend die.  When I was a kid it happened a couple of times and it was awful and sad, but this is the first time since I’ve been a mom I’ve had to confront seeing someone’s parents at their memorial (my other friend’s mom was a no-show).  I met her mom one other time, but I’m very nervous about facing them even for a minute.  What on earth do you say?

      • keep it simple

        Just say “I’m so very sorry for your loss, she was a lovely person,” or something like that. Maybe explain who you are and how you knew her. And then move on down the line. They’ll have so many people to talk to, I think it’s a lot less important what exactly you say and just important for them to know that their daughter was loved and people care about their pain.

      • “i am really going to miss her”

        “she was a wonderful person and a wonderful mother”

        I didn’t know what to say at my coworker’s son’s funeral, since i didn’t know him.  When I got to her in the line, I just gave her a big hug and said “I love you.”  It seemed right.  The words will come to you.

        • Simple and honest

          You’re both right.  I’ll stop worrying about trying to make my words somehow adequately mirror the depth of their loss and just express how sorry I am that it happened.  

      • I feel like

        I’m being way too melodramatic–I’d known her a long time, but we only really connected at the memorial of another friend in ’06 and I think only saw each other once after that.  We did email occasionally, and I just liked knowing she was there.  All the plans about getting together “sometime” seem so superficial now, although they were never shallow or insincere.  I understand, to an extent, why being deeply depressed drove her to doing what she did, but I still wish she hadn’t.  

        But for the love of God.  Moms like this one are walking around with their heads held high, and D thought she wasn’t good enough.

        • Doesn’t make it hurt less

          When my friend died in a car accident in June 2000, I hadn’t talked to her since March, and hadn’t seen her since December. It might sound odd to say that she was one of best friends given that, and that we lived only three hours from each other & still hadn’t seen each other much for a few years, but the thing was, we were the kind of friends where we didn’t have to talk every week. I know her best friend was very devasted, because they did talk nearly every day. But just because we weren’t communicating all the time doesn’t mean I wasn’t thinking of her or didn’t value her. Eleven years later, I still miss her very much & think of her often. You are a good friend, and this is very heartbreaking for you.

          • Yeah

            I’ve been very sad and thrown over this–I’m just not wanting anyone to think that I think it’s about me, KWIM?  But I comfort myself with the fact that I think she would have reacted in much the same way if it had been me–she was an angsty and sensitive person, too, obviously.  Thank you so much for the support, Cindy.

        • you’re not being melodramatic

          i think the crazy people are the ones who just bury their heads in the sand and carry on after a tragedy has happened.  people like us have an important job in this world to remember, reflect, and mourn.  you are choosing to confront the pain she felt and the senselessness of her death, and that is very brave.  i’m sure her family is grateful for that.

      • It is, isn’t it?

        I was wondering if it was my imagination, or I just happened to know people who have loved ones waiting in the wings to write them such wonderfully descriptive obits.  

        I’m glad there are at least absolute scores of pictures and a large body of work to help her son grow up feeling that she was real and valid.  And you can’t look at any of the many pictures of the two of them together without their bond being obvious.  I’m glad her husband and son have such a strong network of friends and family to support them, even though it does mean there are exactly that many broken hearts, too.

  3. Okay, I always crank up the volume

    when I hear this song on the radio. Love that low bass voice, especially. Yeah, I’m a dork.

    hey, anyone who has an ipad — how do I transfer my contacts to my ipad? I don’t want to type every single email address into it — there’s got to be an easier way.

    My email is a yahoo account if that matters.

    • Transferring contacts

      Are they in iTunes from your iPod or phone? Mine transferred to my iPhone from iTunes when I plugged it in.

      • They arent

        And I couldn’t figure out how to get them in iTunes from my phone – I tried but the only options I could find were to import my yahoo or google contacts – which are way too numerous. I have stuff on there from DS’s tball team from kindy, students from when I used to teach ESL, etc that I don’t want to clutter up my iPad with.

        Hmmm….back to the drawing board.

  4. Here’s a question

    So remember I wrote about my SIL whose 14 year old was afraid she was pregnant and how I was all freaked out about how not to make that our future?  Well, the good news is that it turned out to be a false alarm. But now they need a plan.  They can’t go with hormonal birth control because she has major anxiety issues, but the Zoloft she’s one can cause birth defects, apparently.  She’s committed to not having sex again, but we all know how long those resolutions last in the face of hormones.  She my SIL asked me to ask you, oh wise MTers, what would you do?

    • No hormonal birth control at all?

      I think I’d try a couple different birth control pill prescriptions.  Not sure that they would increase anxiety, and in fact, they might help.  A A lot of women have PMS almost eliminated through their use of them.

      Barring all that?  If they are totally unwilling to consider oral contraceptives?  I’d just make sure she always had condoms with her.  I’ve never bought condoms for a 14 year old girl, but I’ve bought them for an 18 year old boy.  

      • The shrink doesn’t want her to go on it.

        But the stress of this episode was nearly enough to put her back in the hospital, so I’m not sure it makes sense for her.

        • Well, you know,

          I think risk vs. benefits would have to be weighed.  I think I would seek another opinion.  And a trial.  Pregnancy is such a big risk…it’s not exactly like whether or not to take an anti-acid or allergy pill, you know?

        • Nope.

          I have a friend in Scotland who has one who’s never been pregnant, as far as I know. I do believe they’re harder to have implanted if you’ve not been pregnant, though, so it’s usually a last resort.

            • Some of my single friends

              say good luck finding a doctor who will put one in a younger female nulli-para. So I wonder if that is feasible. Not to mention I’ve heard they hurt being implanted. Plus the only woman I ever knew who got one ended up removing hers with her own two hands after it got jarred loose and she could feel it shifting around uncomfortably.

              • Interesting

                I am the only person I know who hated mine.  I think it hurt much worse than labor, and I had it 3 months post partum.  I didnt like having it in, either, it just never seemed right.  Gritting my teeth and going for another one, though, since we aren’t quite ready to take a more permanent step.  Maybe this time will be better?  Everyone raves about them though, except for me.

              • Yeah, a friend of my daughter’s

                has one.  She’s no teenager…she’s 25.  Had it for a couple of years.  After being unable to tolerate any birth control pill she’d tried, she talked her doctor into giving her an IUD about a year or so ago.  It took a lot of talking.  And while she still has it, as far as I know, she was not impressed.  A lot of very painful, crampy menstrual periods.

                  • She has the Mirena.

                    Big consideration with a lot of doctors, too, is whether or not one is in a monogamous relationship as the older IUD’s proved to be such a route for infection.  The deciding factor for daughter’s friend’s doctor was that she was.  I don’t know if this is as much of a fear now as it was 20 years ago, but because I’m old enough to remember, it’s definitely something I’d take into consideration.

                    • yup

                      The monofilament string isn’t such a concern as the old double filament string (a bacteria ladder…) but I think they still bring it up as a concern.  I was in a monogamous relationship so I didn’t get much pushback on that part.  

                • My friend’s in her late 20s,

                  and I remember had a couple of months of near constant bleeding afterwards. I just sent her a mail to ask if her experience has gotten better, I’ll let you all know when she replies.
                  FWIW, she’s a raging feminist (emphasis on the “rage”) who when she got it just posted a running commentary on the experience on Facebook for all to see (I think she’s pretty firmly of the opinion that women people shouldn’t censor this sort of stuff because it leads to fear and lack of knowledge amongst young women, and I think I agree), so had the topic come up amongst a rather extended circle of my friends, male and female, I’d guess a lot of them would have come up with the same answer I did. Slightly amused by the “hey, a guy answered,” reaction from BB. I think it’s kind of a shame that that’s unusual.

              • I had an IUD before I was pregnant

                It didn’t hurt going in but it was spontaneously expelled, which isn’t uncommon in a pre-pregnant uterus.  I don’t know that it’s hard to find docs to do it but it probably depends on where you are.

              • mine slipped

                I was so excited to get mine. It did hurt while being implanted – felt like an early-stage contraction and lasted about as long. But then my goddamned slipped. Right down to the top of my cervix. Now that was painful. In hindsight, I could feel it being moved down. I talked with my GYN who said that he found, anecdotally, that of his patients where the IUD slipped, implanting another generally didn’t work any better. I decided that all things being equal, I wasn’t up for another experiment and am back on the pill. Blah.

              • Before I

                had kids I asked for one.  I wasn’t turned down, but I was discouraged and decided not to go for it.  Now I have one and love it enough to write it a love poem, but it did hurt being implanted.  Than I found out that in Canada, it’s surgery and they put you under for it!  But I’m an American–I don’t need no stinkin’ pain killers for things like surgery (was offered nothing but a tylenol).  

                • in Australia

                  they put you under if you’ve had a C-section. The nurse at the GYN recommended I pop some Tylenol before hand. Not a fun five minutes, I have to say.

                  • Really?

                    Dang. I had it put in not long after my c section and they gave me no painkillers. I took a couple advil beforehand.

                    It hurt like crazy. But he hit the top of my uterus, that was an accident. Otherwise it wouldn’t have been too terrible.

                  • hmmm

                    I had a c-section and mine was just in the office.  I thought it was like a really bad cramp and then over.  I’d say it depends on how much you dislike pelvic exams/procedures.  If they make someone uncomfortable to begin with (even a little bit) I think it’d be fairly tense going into the procedure and no fun.  

                    While we’re on the topic, absolute most pain ever was when my cerclage was taken out when I went into labor early.  Ow, ow, ow.

                    • I bet it depends, too

                      It’s a poky thing as it goes in.  If they aim the wrong way, yowch!

                    • Depends on finger length.

                      Really.  Many times I’ve sat quietly in doctor’s offices checking out their fingers.

    • Gah

      I’m big on condoms for teens, personally.  In fact, I wonder if other forms of birth control make them stop using them, and as far as I know there is still nothing else that protects against disease.  I know they’re seen as somewhat unreliable, but so is anything that isn’t used religiously and correctly.  

        • I can’t imagine stopping to put in a diaphragm

          and I’m 41.  When I was 16, I would have never remembered.  Do they still make spermicides separate from condoms?

          I have to say, I’m tempted to combine condoms with a whole lot of “never let yourself be alone with a boy” advice.

          • Yes. She’s 14.

            They are still fairly easy to keep track of at that age.  I’m not casting any aspersion here, but pregnancy was never something I really had to worry about when any of mine were 14.  They really were not in situations where it would happen.  Or, I should say, so rarely could even begin to happen to get into such a situation.  In other words, I rarely had to wonder about it as mine socialized on the front porch, or maybe, just maybe, went to the movies or the mall.  

            • Massive, massive suffocating supervision

              would be my tactic as well.   My child would be lucky to be allowed to go to the bathroom alone.  

          • Yep…

            Do they still make spermicides separate from condoms?

            I use that…  I can’t use any hormonal stuff because of how my migraines are so we use a diaphragm and spermicide.  And we use a condom if it’s a riskier time of my cycle.  (perhaps not the safest option, but…)

            One of my SILs got an IUD without having had kids.  She is in her 20s.  It’s the non-hormonal one.  She had some problems the first couple months with cramping but has been fine since.

        • But if

          Hormones are absolutely off the table, whatever she uses is going to have to fall on her being responsible every single time.  Not saying that doesn’t suck, especially for her mom, and especially since, for whatever reason, she appears to be high risk.  My experience with a diaphragm in my early 20s was that it was very difficult to use and near impossible to be confident I was using correctly.

          Now in MY day, boys didn’t step out of line.  The wore condoms.   And occasionally t-shirts that said”no glove, no love”.  Also, get off my lawn!

    • are you sure they can’t experiment?

      Because I’d also look at norplant or the hormonal shots as well.

      Sorry that doesn’t really provide any mojo magic.

      • yeah

        I would be in favor or norplant or shots.  Not only do non-hormonal methods depend on the kiddo to use them ever single time, pills must be taken every single day.

        We’ve been considering bc for DD since she’s in a co-ed facility and Depo shots are on the top of our list.

        • Yes, Depo.

          There comes a time where one risk may outweigh the other, particularly if she’s getting around supervised events.

        • Be careful though…

          The problem with depo is that once it’s in, if there’s a problem, there’s nothing you can do until it runs through the body. My roomate in college (who was a little unstable to begin with) went totally and utterly psycho (she was committed to a hospital) after getting the shot. I don’t think it affects most people that way…but maybe if you’re a bit unstable to begin with… I think I’d go with Norplant. At least you can take it out if there’s a problem!

      • Norplant isn’t on the market anymore

        at least in the US. (Is it in Australia?) Implanon is what is used now and it lasts for up to 3 years.

    • Thanks everyone!

      I summarized and passed along your thoughts and she’s already grateful.  I have to say, she’s a great mom and she’s been dealt crappy hands over and over.  Her daughter is lucky to have a mom like her- she’s open, wiling to admit what she doesn’t know and what her own mistakes have been.  She’d fit in well here, you know?

    • There are other options….

      Like the cervical ring. I would go and see a knowledgeable family planning clinic. There are options. And I wouldn’t leave it up to condoms. Not at fourteen.

  5. shout out for friends day

    The mom of one of Jess’s classmates (lovely boy – little science geek who likes to run a lot. They bond well.) offered to have Jess over after school today until I pick up Lily from creche. She noticed I’m overworked and offered to help out so that I can maximize my child-free day.

    Wow, am I lucky to have friends!

  6. Just

    Went and saw my friend’s new baby. Oh, the squishy, soft, sweet babyness!!! Squeee!

    But damn. I forgot how freaking bossy and painful those maternity nurses are. As I was leaving, one pushed open the door and spat out “Who is SHE? Have you fed the baby yet? Why not? I TOLD you to wake him up at 11:30 and feed him! (it was 11:35) Have you peed yet? Drink more water! Let’s go! I’ll go get the formula. Wake him up right now. I want him fed in the next five minutes!”

    Damn. I was ready to slap her. I so couldn’t go through that again. I’d be arrested for assault.

    • how goes the quilt?

      squee for squishy babyness. I guess I was lucky – I had really lovely, nice-aunty-ish midwives and maternity nurses who called me dear a lot and were lovely. One was even named Joy, if you can believe it.

      • The quilt

        Shall not be mentioned. I have made so many mistakes that it’s killing me. It’s getting to the point where I need to finish it so that I don’t have it in my house staring at me anymore.

        • Pay someone to do it

          I suggested that to my dear friend who paid another of my friends to finish her knitting project.   They were both ecstatic.

      • My first nurse after Jojo was born

        Was a dear named Joy, too.  So fitting!  She gave Jojo her first bath (which she needed right away since she was covered in meconium).  She was the most gentle baby bather, and she combed her hair all pretty.  Jojo loved it :)

        • she was so lovely

          Apparently, she was a late-in-life baby for her parents; she told me that when she was born, one of her parents said, “Oh, what Joy!” and there you go.

    • That’s harsh

      I had one nurse like that after DD. Since my parents were staying at home with DS, I begged DH to spend the night in the hospital chair because I didn’t want to have to be alone with her. And then I reported her to the head of nursing. I guess she didn’t know the teddy bear on my door meant I had a baby in the NICU and she was supposed to be nicer to me! The rest were all angels; I could not love delivery & maternity nurses more.

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