Saturday Morning Open Thread

What’s up?

Laurie Puhn at the Expecting Words blog wrote a thoughtful column on having boys and secretly wanting a girl. She made, what sounds like, a great book recommendation on raising boys.

This is disappointing: Virginia’s newly elected Republican Gov. Bob McDonnell just reinstated “Confederate History Month” for April 2010, according to the Washington Post. On the upside, both the Washington Post’s poll and its commenters deemed the move racist. Go WaPo readers!  

Hybrid Mom magazine doled out tips on how to manage your time when you work from home.

Here is yet another study I dug up, this one on trans fats, which are commonly found in fried and processed foods. According to an article on MSNBC, women with coronary heart disease who consume trans fats are three times more likely than other women to die of a heart attack.  

The number of babies born to teenagers has dropped 2 percent from 2007 to 2008, according to the Washington Post. As the article pointed out, this is welcome news after two years of steady rises in the teen birth rate.

In related news, ABC News ran a profile on Bristol Palin, how she is handling teen motherhood and what is she doing on the advocacy front.

Michelle and Jim Bob Duggar’s 19th child is home from the hospital after being born three months early, according to Reality TV World.

This is a surprising and kind of sad celebrity split. Jim Carrey and Jenny McCarthy just ended their five-year relationship, according to People magazine.

What else is in the news? What’s up with you?

360 thoughts on “Saturday Morning Open Thread

    • I really want to see that

      It’s like the dream team! I saw them on Oprah together and it was so so funny.

      Tina Fey is hosting SNL tonight, so set the DVR!

      • So?

        How was the movie?  We got a babysitter for tomorrow and are thinking of doing movie and dinner so I’d love to hear what people thought of the movie.

        • we liked it

          I had second thoughts part way through about taking our young teens — eh, they’ll get over it — but we did all enjoy it.

          It really portrays fairly well the way you can get into a rut with your spouse and let the romance die out, and how important it is to keep those fires burning. And there are lots of laugh out loud funny moments.

          I will say, though, I also saw Hot Tub Time Machine this week with a girlfriend, and laughed, and laughed and laughed. So if you are in the mood for a Hangover-type film at some point, it was goofy, dirty fun.

          • Decisions, decisions :-)

            We’ll have to see what mood we’re in.  It’s been crazy here – I had the kids in Michigan for a week.  DH had shifts from midnight to 8 am for a week after that.  I feel like I’ve barely seen him for the past 2 weeks.  And seen a bit too much of my children :-)  So I’m excited that our babysitter is free and we can go out on our own.

            Mira’s having her first sleep over (here) today.  I don’t think these girls are ever going to go to sleep…

    • How devastating!

      I was out of the loop last night and this morning (having Eli’s 3rd birthday party today). But this is a major oversight. Thanks for linking, Lisa.

    • I really want to see that

      It’s like the dream team! I saw them on Oprah together and it was so so funny.

      Tina Fey is hosting SNL tonight, so set the DVR!

      • So?

        How was the movie?  We got a babysitter for tomorrow and are thinking of doing movie and dinner so I’d love to hear what people thought of the movie.

        • we liked it

          I had second thoughts part way through about taking our young teens — eh, they’ll get over it — but we did all enjoy it.

          It really portrays fairly well the way you can get into a rut with your spouse and let the romance die out, and how important it is to keep those fires burning. And there are lots of laugh out loud funny moments.

          I will say, though, I also saw Hot Tub Time Machine this week with a girlfriend, and laughed, and laughed and laughed. So if you are in the mood for a Hangover-type film at some point, it was goofy, dirty fun.

          • Decisions, decisions :-)

            We’ll have to see what mood we’re in.  It’s been crazy here – I had the kids in Michigan for a week.  DH had shifts from midnight to 8 am for a week after that.  I feel like I’ve barely seen him for the past 2 weeks.  And seen a bit too much of my children :-)  So I’m excited that our babysitter is free and we can go out on our own.

            Mira’s having her first sleep over (here) today.  I don’t think these girls are ever going to go to sleep…

    • How devastating!

      I was out of the loop last night and this morning (having Eli’s 3rd birthday party today). But this is a major oversight. Thanks for linking, Lisa.

  1. Sad and Happy

    The news of Poland’s president and his wife dying in that plane crash is just so sad. I know they have a prime minister who does the day-to-day business of the country, so it’s not likely to affect the government, but it’s a tragedy for the people there. DH’s entire family (aside from his parents) is in Poland, so my heart goes out to them.

    But, I just watched that Sue Sylvester rant on the Sneaky Gays, and boy did I need that! I love that woman.

  2. Sad and Happy

    The news of Poland’s president and his wife dying in that plane crash is just so sad. I know they have a prime minister who does the day-to-day business of the country, so it’s not likely to affect the government, but it’s a tragedy for the people there. DH’s entire family (aside from his parents) is in Poland, so my heart goes out to them.

    But, I just watched that Sue Sylvester rant on the Sneaky Gays, and boy did I need that! I love that woman.

  3. about that Facebook Thread

    I saw it devolved. I think the ending was telegraphed and I guess my question is whether or not that’s a bad thing.

    I remember first posting here and having to find my MT voice- the one that reflected me with no exception but still fit within a respectful and diverse community. I’ve said it a million times- looking at other mom’s sites when you’re pregnant and have never done this mom thing before you’re gonna find fetus competitions and that really definitive tone that serves only to challenge.

    If you want to say we have a code, I’d say it’s as simple as this- assume your friends are good parents, assume we’re all just trying to make it through the jungle of parenthood and assume what works for you isn’t a one-size-fits-all solution.

    This is a safe place if you follow those simple assumptions. You can see on Facebook how many people don’t respect that. I know my default when challenged is to fall back on sarcasm and maybe that’s what seems cliquish?

    • you know

      I didn’t like the way it went down last night but at the same time, I can’t sit back and not respond when a commenter says she’s appalled by our reaction to the diary and it doesn’t reflect well on this community.  I just don’t have what it takes to let something like that go unchallenged.

      And then I think once you reach a certain point in some disagreements, the snark just comes out and takes on a life of its own.

      • I will also say

        that when you read a diary after the fact, you are reading comments top to bottom, and not in the order that people posted them — so a lot of the tone of the whole thing is lost.  

        Unless you very carefully check the time of all the comments and put them all in chronological order, I think it’s difficult to know how things went down in real time between all the commenters.

        • Yeah, I followed along through most of the day

          and from my perspective it was a very healthy give-and-take conversation with A LOT of really smart, thoughtful comments.  Personally, I learned a lot about what parents of teens/pre-teens go through in monitoring internet participation.

          There WERE some strong comments made toward the diarist that stirred up emotions.  I thought the participants invovled did a great job working through mis-interpretations and making it an opportunity for conversation.

          Late in the game, there was the critique of the community–which I found out of place having tracked the entire conversation.

          • Back and forth

            Since the diarist had a strong position there was definitely back and forth in some places. Ok, a lot of places. But she had a strong belief which she will stick with. I think a lot of people who would do things differently with their kids totally respected that as the conversation unfolded. There were also a number of people who agreed with her stance, so for it to be painted as if the entire community was coming down hard on her isn’t accurate.

            I definitely don’t want this to ever be a place where people feel attacked for stating their position, but I don’t think that’s what was happening.

            I’m just tired of the repetitive finger-wagging about the culture here.

    • I think you describe the ethos here well

      “Assume your friends are good parents, assume we’re all just trying to make through the jungle of parenthood and assume what works for you isn’t a one-size-fits all solution.” I think those assumptions govern the over-whelming majority of conversations around here…which is what keeps me coming back again and again!

      • Thanks for the vote of confidence!

        I agree that overall that was a good conversation with good food for thought for everyone. While we have ties to Daily Kos, I think it is important to note that the tone of this site is NOT at all like Daily Kos. Erika, Gloria and I prefer it that way. One reason I don’t participate very often in the threads in Daily Kos is because the threads are long and I just don’t have the time to keep up. But I also find the directness of some people off-putting. For the most part, I am fine with that in the workplace and in other more formal settings, but generally, that is not something I seek on my limited free time. Life is too short. I come to MotherTalkers to engage with smart women online, but also have fun, make friends and enjoy myself. It is a different goal than Daily Kos for sure.

        But parenting is a sensitive and can be polarizing topic like politics. I recognize that and hope to hear from the diarist and others again soon. This is something I learned along the way. I used to get my feelings hurt more easily when I first started blogging, but now I roll with the punches. I read the comments and even at the more direct comments, I find myself learning something from them. I also think that maybe that person has had a bad day, maybe I am having a bad day — well, the blog resembles daily life, you know? A disagreement on how we parent our children does not reflect on our characters — everything is a learning opportunity, but ultimately, you don’t have to change things that are fundamentally important to you. I, too, support the diarist to make the parenting choices that she deems best, but I also liked the input of others and learned a lot.

        Sorry for the rambling comments — just some thoughts. Now I REALLY have to go pick up Eli’s birthday cake! :)

        • I like a lot of things about MT

          but I do feel inhibited about posting diaries, because I am not one of the regulars. It seems more likely than not that I would say something wrong in the diary, which would lead to a bunch of attacks in the comments and people high-fiving each other for the awesome takedown.

          Since no one agrees with my comments in the Facebook thread, maybe this is a non-issue.

          I happen to have some parenting things on my mind lately that I can’t discuss at Bleeding Heartland because of the number of readers who know me in real life. I was thinking about writing a post about one of them here, then that Facebook diary caught my eye and the subject looked interesting, then everything went downhill.

            • I do too

              and you know, you don’t have to spill your personal life here, but if you mention that you are having a difficult time I won’t be the only one who will pray for you, wish you well, send good thoughts or  white light, etc. The details aren’t our business unless you want to share them. You’re doing the best you can as a parent.

          • Me, too

            Someone who comments often, posts diaries often and has items front paged by the moderators is certainly a regular in my opinion. I’m not sure why you’d feel otherwise.

              • Which is fine

                some people are more active here than others.  But I’m curious why you will spend all this time here trying to convince us how awful we are?  Why do you think new people continue to pop up if we are all so unwelcoming?

          • Post!

            I’d love to see more diaries here (not that I’m writing any myself so I’m not complaining, really I’m not).  MotherTalkers is a great way to get a wide variety of advice — even the Facebook thread had a number of different viewpoints.  It’s just hard to sort them out once a thread gets that big!

            I hope your parenting things aren’t too stressful…

                  • unofortunately that is often the way

                    but having been through some serious hell in my previous marriage and over the past few years with my dd i can say looking at th nearly 11 year old i have now and the fiance I’m supposed to marry soon… dear God in heaven I survived…I got through it.

                    and you will too. it’s cold comfort now I know. but you will. I remember feeling before my divorce I was standing on the edge of a cliff thinking I couldn’t possibly land on the other side. then i landed and my dd’s anger exploded for years to come then…we got help. then we got through it. and every step we take forward seems like a gift.

                    it does happen…it will happen. hang in there

          • I wish you would

            share your diary.  I think most diaries are welcomed and appreciated, as long as the tone is not condescending.

            The diaries I like best are the ones that say “here’s what I’m dealing with/wondering about; here’s what I think; what do the rest of you think?”  I almost always find something good and useful in either the diary or the comments.

  4. about that Facebook Thread

    I saw it devolved. I think the ending was telegraphed and I guess my question is whether or not that’s a bad thing.

    I remember first posting here and having to find my MT voice- the one that reflected me with no exception but still fit within a respectful and diverse community. I’ve said it a million times- looking at other mom’s sites when you’re pregnant and have never done this mom thing before you’re gonna find fetus competitions and that really definitive tone that serves only to challenge.

    If you want to say we have a code, I’d say it’s as simple as this- assume your friends are good parents, assume we’re all just trying to make it through the jungle of parenthood and assume what works for you isn’t a one-size-fits-all solution.

    This is a safe place if you follow those simple assumptions. You can see on Facebook how many people don’t respect that. I know my default when challenged is to fall back on sarcasm and maybe that’s what seems cliquish?

    • you know

      I didn’t like the way it went down last night but at the same time, I can’t sit back and not respond when a commenter says she’s appalled by our reaction to the diary and it doesn’t reflect well on this community.  I just don’t have what it takes to let something like that go unchallenged.

      And then I think once you reach a certain point in some disagreements, the snark just comes out and takes on a life of its own.

      • I will also say

        that when you read a diary after the fact, you are reading comments top to bottom, and not in the order that people posted them — so a lot of the tone of the whole thing is lost.  

        Unless you very carefully check the time of all the comments and put them all in chronological order, I think it’s difficult to know how things went down in real time between all the commenters.

        • Yeah, I followed along through most of the day

          and from my perspective it was a very healthy give-and-take conversation with A LOT of really smart, thoughtful comments.  Personally, I learned a lot about what parents of teens/pre-teens go through in monitoring internet participation.

          There WERE some strong comments made toward the diarist that stirred up emotions.  I thought the participants invovled did a great job working through mis-interpretations and making it an opportunity for conversation.

          Late in the game, there was the critique of the community–which I found out of place having tracked the entire conversation.

          • Back and forth

            Since the diarist had a strong position there was definitely back and forth in some places. Ok, a lot of places. But she had a strong belief which she will stick with. I think a lot of people who would do things differently with their kids totally respected that as the conversation unfolded. There were also a number of people who agreed with her stance, so for it to be painted as if the entire community was coming down hard on her isn’t accurate.

            I definitely don’t want this to ever be a place where people feel attacked for stating their position, but I don’t think that’s what was happening.

            I’m just tired of the repetitive finger-wagging about the culture here.

    • I think you describe the ethos here well

      “Assume your friends are good parents, assume we’re all just trying to make through the jungle of parenthood and assume what works for you isn’t a one-size-fits all solution.” I think those assumptions govern the over-whelming majority of conversations around here…which is what keeps me coming back again and again!

      • Thanks for the vote of confidence!

        I agree that overall that was a good conversation with good food for thought for everyone. While we have ties to Daily Kos, I think it is important to note that the tone of this site is NOT at all like Daily Kos. Erika, Gloria and I prefer it that way. One reason I don’t participate very often in the threads in Daily Kos is because the threads are long and I just don’t have the time to keep up. But I also find the directness of some people off-putting. For the most part, I am fine with that in the workplace and in other more formal settings, but generally, that is not something I seek on my limited free time. Life is too short. I come to MotherTalkers to engage with smart women online, but also have fun, make friends and enjoy myself. It is a different goal than Daily Kos for sure.

        But parenting is a sensitive and can be polarizing topic like politics. I recognize that and hope to hear from the diarist and others again soon. This is something I learned along the way. I used to get my feelings hurt more easily when I first started blogging, but now I roll with the punches. I read the comments and even at the more direct comments, I find myself learning something from them. I also think that maybe that person has had a bad day, maybe I am having a bad day — well, the blog resembles daily life, you know? A disagreement on how we parent our children does not reflect on our characters — everything is a learning opportunity, but ultimately, you don’t have to change things that are fundamentally important to you. I, too, support the diarist to make the parenting choices that she deems best, but I also liked the input of others and learned a lot.

        Sorry for the rambling comments — just some thoughts. Now I REALLY have to go pick up Eli’s birthday cake! :)

        • I like a lot of things about MT

          but I do feel inhibited about posting diaries, because I am not one of the regulars. It seems more likely than not that I would say something wrong in the diary, which would lead to a bunch of attacks in the comments and people high-fiving each other for the awesome takedown.

          Since no one agrees with my comments in the Facebook thread, maybe this is a non-issue.

          I happen to have some parenting things on my mind lately that I can’t discuss at Bleeding Heartland because of the number of readers who know me in real life. I was thinking about writing a post about one of them here, then that Facebook diary caught my eye and the subject looked interesting, then everything went downhill.

            • I do too

              and you know, you don’t have to spill your personal life here, but if you mention that you are having a difficult time I won’t be the only one who will pray for you, wish you well, send good thoughts or  white light, etc. The details aren’t our business unless you want to share them. You’re doing the best you can as a parent.

          • Me, too

            Someone who comments often, posts diaries often and has items front paged by the moderators is certainly a regular in my opinion. I’m not sure why you’d feel otherwise.

              • Which is fine

                some people are more active here than others.  But I’m curious why you will spend all this time here trying to convince us how awful we are?  Why do you think new people continue to pop up if we are all so unwelcoming?

          • Post!

            I’d love to see more diaries here (not that I’m writing any myself so I’m not complaining, really I’m not).  MotherTalkers is a great way to get a wide variety of advice — even the Facebook thread had a number of different viewpoints.  It’s just hard to sort them out once a thread gets that big!

            I hope your parenting things aren’t too stressful…

                  • unofortunately that is often the way

                    but having been through some serious hell in my previous marriage and over the past few years with my dd i can say looking at th nearly 11 year old i have now and the fiance I’m supposed to marry soon… dear God in heaven I survived…I got through it.

                    and you will too. it’s cold comfort now I know. but you will. I remember feeling before my divorce I was standing on the edge of a cliff thinking I couldn’t possibly land on the other side. then i landed and my dd’s anger exploded for years to come then…we got help. then we got through it. and every step we take forward seems like a gift.

                    it does happen…it will happen. hang in there

          • I wish you would

            share your diary.  I think most diaries are welcomed and appreciated, as long as the tone is not condescending.

            The diaries I like best are the ones that say “here’s what I’m dealing with/wondering about; here’s what I think; what do the rest of you think?”  I almost always find something good and useful in either the diary or the comments.

  5. Help me control my irritation

    DH is the WORST photographer and video recorder in the world. I cannot stand it. I’m usually running the show, would it seriously kill him to learn to manage the backgrounds, NOT cut off heads and center the subject? These are BASIC concepts. This is one of those things where I just feel like fuck it, I have to do everything. Want to not see the dog’s ass in front of your kid’s face when she’s opening her Christmas presents? Do it yourself. Really?

    Grrrrrr. Oh, and if I dare bring it up, I get 3 hours of sulking because I hurt his feelings. gah. grow up.

    • It sounds to me

      like the solution is to get him to run the show on occasion.  Yeah, it’s reasonable to expect him to improve, but that doesn’t mean it’s realistic.  

    • Thumb in the picture

      Sorry to laugh at your irritation, but that was funny.

      Maybe in a couple of decades it will be something you can all kind of rib him about — “Oh, that must be one of DAD’S shots!” My grandpa does the thumb-over-the-lens thing all the time. We always know which ones he took when we flip through 30 years of photos. At some point it became kind of endearing.

  6. Help me control my irritation

    DH is the WORST photographer and video recorder in the world. I cannot stand it. I’m usually running the show, would it seriously kill him to learn to manage the backgrounds, NOT cut off heads and center the subject? These are BASIC concepts. This is one of those things where I just feel like fuck it, I have to do everything. Want to not see the dog’s ass in front of your kid’s face when she’s opening her Christmas presents? Do it yourself. Really?

    Grrrrrr. Oh, and if I dare bring it up, I get 3 hours of sulking because I hurt his feelings. gah. grow up.

    • It sounds to me

      like the solution is to get him to run the show on occasion.  Yeah, it’s reasonable to expect him to improve, but that doesn’t mean it’s realistic.  

    • Thumb in the picture

      Sorry to laugh at your irritation, but that was funny.

      Maybe in a couple of decades it will be something you can all kind of rib him about — “Oh, that must be one of DAD’S shots!” My grandpa does the thumb-over-the-lens thing all the time. We always know which ones he took when we flip through 30 years of photos. At some point it became kind of endearing.

  7. going

    to play some tennis with DH and look at a pair of bicycles on Craigslist too.  We have been in the trenches of some really deep dividing disagreements the past few weeks, so doing some normal and fun healthy activities today are a welcome break.

    That FB thread was just too much for me.  I have to say that it is extremely hard for me to reach out on line and I really try hard to communicate effectively in the handful of diaries I have posted.

    But I cannot tell you the number I have started and then left unpublished.  But that is my own stuff – often the things I am grappling with make it very hard to write in a clear and concise way.

    Very sad about the Polish plane crash and the miners.  RIP

    • often don’t publish

      I often start a comment and then cancel it, either because everyone already has it covered or because I figure it won’t sound witty to anyone else (I have a silly sense of humor). But I love being here, so I just keep telling myself that if everyone else canceled their posts too, there wouldn’t be anything to read, witty or otherwise. So let’s both cast caution to the wind and hit that post button!

      • Post!

        I’m shy about posting diaries, too, but only because I don’t always know how to say what I mean. The times I have posted diaries, they’ve been about personal things, and the support from others has always been so helpful! If you met me in person it would be unusual to hear me make any comments that were polarizing, so none of my diaries are likely to spark 400 comments, but that is just fine by me.

        IKWYM also about feeling like your view has already been expressed well by someone else.

        • Same here.

          But it’s worse because I don’t even get to threads until they’ve been going for a full day in the US! So by the time I get to them, it’s all been said. Oh well…everyone knows that I love them and that I’m reading, even if I’m not always chiming in.

          • I can imagine

            I step away long enough to get the kids some grub, and 100 comments fly by. It would be quite a challenge to keep up from your time zone! I’m glad you stick with it, though!

    • especially because you have older kids

      That’s a really important viewpoint here. And I know that things haven’t been rosy with your son, so you POV is always good to hear.

      • thanks you guys

        For me, I was parented very badly – and if you knew me IRL, you would know that I say that with no resentment or ill will.  It is just that because I was never modeled how to BE a good mom, I often feel like a total rookie, even with older kids lol.

        And a quick update on DS, 22, who is in county jail. I visited him last weekend for the first time and it was awful.  I cried from the moment I pulled up until it was over.  I pretty much told myself that I just cannot handle it and that I should spare my fragile emotional state these days and just NOT visit him.  (He is doing about 50 days total in minimum security.)

        But the next 3 weekends I will be either out of town or having out of state relatives around for a family wedding, so I may go again tomorrow.  I just need to steel myself beforehand but have NO idea how to do that.  And FWIW I am thankful to have somewhere to talk about this, because other than my DH and a couple of close friends I cannot share the circumstances and the pain.  I kinda joked with DH today that maybe I should Google, “what to say to your kid when they are incarcerated” because all I want to do is shake him or curl up in a ball and hold him tight.  

        • i’m so sorry

          i’ll be thinking of you tomororw.  i hope the right words come to you when you see your son again.  or no words at all, if that’s the right thing.

        • I’m so sorry….

          I was curious so I Googled for you :-)  Check out this thread on an anti-meth site (no particular reason, I just found it high on the list of results).  I liked what they said though…

          It sounds to me like you’re doing a pretty good job as a mom.  It’s incredibly hard to break the cycle of bad parenting.  I’m pretty much exactly the same kind of mom as my mom and she is pretty much the same as her mom.  We’re all good, I’d say, but I’m not really raising the bar much.  It’s just hard to go beyond what we see modeled, and research supports that.

          Anyhow, please be gentle with yourself.  You are a wonderful person and doing your best.  I’m hoping that your DS gets the help he needs and is able to pull things together with time.

          • awww

            thanks!!  I perused the thread and will look for some others to inspire me.  I just need to not let my emotions get the best of me because I think back to the days when he was three and we would set the table with enough plates for his super hero friends in case they stopped over and I pretty much lose it.

            I need to allow myself some time to grieve the situation.  And that is what I am not really doing.

            • hang in there

              and you’ve got to cling to the cute 3 year old memories.  you really do.  i think that’s why we get them- to fall back on when it’s really rough.

              xoxo

              • great point

                Now might be an even better time for those superheroes to stop by…. I wonder how your boy would respond if you shared that memory with him?

                Sending you strength and empathy, Valerie.

        • I’ll bet

          that he feels like he needs a little of both, too. I’m sorry that your family is going through this. I hope that the idea that he is still young and can make a great life for himself if he chooses to gives you some comfort. His book is by no means written. Hope your time with DH was nice and you could get some relief with the situation with him.

        • geez

          wish there was something we could do for you, but I am glad at least that you feel like you can come here and share and get support.

          • I think

            one of the hardest things is the stigma attached to having a kid in jail.  Like, my sis in law is getting married 5/1, so there will be about 3 weeks of DH’s family here from Minnesota.  Hard to say, well, he’s not here because he is in jail, ya know?  And I am not going to lie.

            I am grateful that it is “only” marijuana related issues, and what I mean by that is that he is not violent or on harder drugs.  Heck it may be legal in California in November.  

            Thanks to all of you for your kind words.  It is easier to share about it with some relative anonymity.

            • I am so very sorry

              my sister was arrested once and it was HORRIBLE for my family. I was actually in agonizing grief over it and I am just her sister, I can’t imagine what it would have been like as a parent. But that was 10 years ago and now she is married, and has two kids and is a volunteer at her children’s school and all in all a model citizen. It was her wake-up call. I hope this is for your son as well.

            • I can only imagine

              what this experience is like for you, and I’m so sorry your family (all of you) have to go through this.

              Lots of hugs to you…

            • Stupis, backwards marijuana laws

              Sorry, had to get my plug in.
              It is very hard to have a loved one in jail.  I imagine that when it’s your child you have to fear that people will think it’s something you did wrong.  Or even just the idea that people will judge him for being in jail.  So sorry that your family is going through this.  I hope that you and your husband can work out your issues.  It is so much harder to deal with other things when your relationship is rocky.  I hope that it’s a good sign that he’s set up some time to talk.

                • Thanks

                  My sister (J) is out of jail and she’s been messaging with my other sister (E).  The police took J’s cell phone so E gave her money for a new one.  J says that the legal issues got blown out of proportion but that it was a much needed slap in the face.  She said things are really looking up and she can’t wait to share some things with us.  We are still planning to fly out there, maybe in June.  We are overdue for a visit and for the first time we can both afford the trip.  I also don’t necessarily trust everything she is telling us and would like to see for myself that she and Luke are okay.
                  Thanks for remembering me, Lisa!

            • I have

              several in-laws either in jail or just out.  So in our family it has ceased to be a huge deal.  I really hope folks will be understanding.  I think they would, but also kind of uncomfortable and not knowing what to say, but sympathetic.   It’s important that you reach out so you have as much support as possible.

              Hugs to your family.

        • positive thoughts to you

          I know this is hard to go through.
          I promise my kids (who are 6 and 3) that we will always love them no matter what…and then I learn what parents of older children, like you, are living through, and I know they’re not always going to be cute and sweet and mostly well intentioned. No matter what, you love your son, and it’s impossible to make their lives go perfectly.  Will be thinking of you.

        • {{{Valerie}}}

          I’m sorry both you and your son are going through that.  It’s a nightmare of mine, so I have a lot of compassion for anyone in your position.

        • I feel so bad for you

          I think I would cry the whole time too.  I hope you’re not beating yourself up with guilt over it.  But it’s got to be so sad to see someone you love in a place like that.  Hopefully it will give him good perspective because I am sure he is meeting people whose moms are NOT coming to see him and who DON”T care.  And he can realize a little bit how lucky he is.

  8. going

    to play some tennis with DH and look at a pair of bicycles on Craigslist too.  We have been in the trenches of some really deep dividing disagreements the past few weeks, so doing some normal and fun healthy activities today are a welcome break.

    That FB thread was just too much for me.  I have to say that it is extremely hard for me to reach out on line and I really try hard to communicate effectively in the handful of diaries I have posted.

    But I cannot tell you the number I have started and then left unpublished.  But that is my own stuff – often the things I am grappling with make it very hard to write in a clear and concise way.

    Very sad about the Polish plane crash and the miners.  RIP

    • often don’t publish

      I often start a comment and then cancel it, either because everyone already has it covered or because I figure it won’t sound witty to anyone else (I have a silly sense of humor). But I love being here, so I just keep telling myself that if everyone else canceled their posts too, there wouldn’t be anything to read, witty or otherwise. So let’s both cast caution to the wind and hit that post button!

      • Post!

        I’m shy about posting diaries, too, but only because I don’t always know how to say what I mean. The times I have posted diaries, they’ve been about personal things, and the support from others has always been so helpful! If you met me in person it would be unusual to hear me make any comments that were polarizing, so none of my diaries are likely to spark 400 comments, but that is just fine by me.

        IKWYM also about feeling like your view has already been expressed well by someone else.

        • Same here.

          But it’s worse because I don’t even get to threads until they’ve been going for a full day in the US! So by the time I get to them, it’s all been said. Oh well…everyone knows that I love them and that I’m reading, even if I’m not always chiming in.

          • I can imagine

            I step away long enough to get the kids some grub, and 100 comments fly by. It would be quite a challenge to keep up from your time zone! I’m glad you stick with it, though!

    • especially because you have older kids

      That’s a really important viewpoint here. And I know that things haven’t been rosy with your son, so you POV is always good to hear.

      • thanks you guys

        For me, I was parented very badly – and if you knew me IRL, you would know that I say that with no resentment or ill will.  It is just that because I was never modeled how to BE a good mom, I often feel like a total rookie, even with older kids lol.

        And a quick update on DS, 22, who is in county jail. I visited him last weekend for the first time and it was awful.  I cried from the moment I pulled up until it was over.  I pretty much told myself that I just cannot handle it and that I should spare my fragile emotional state these days and just NOT visit him.  (He is doing about 50 days total in minimum security.)

        But the next 3 weekends I will be either out of town or having out of state relatives around for a family wedding, so I may go again tomorrow.  I just need to steel myself beforehand but have NO idea how to do that.  And FWIW I am thankful to have somewhere to talk about this, because other than my DH and a couple of close friends I cannot share the circumstances and the pain.  I kinda joked with DH today that maybe I should Google, “what to say to your kid when they are incarcerated” because all I want to do is shake him or curl up in a ball and hold him tight.  

        • i’m so sorry

          i’ll be thinking of you tomororw.  i hope the right words come to you when you see your son again.  or no words at all, if that’s the right thing.

        • I’m so sorry….

          I was curious so I Googled for you :-)  Check out this thread on an anti-meth site (no particular reason, I just found it high on the list of results).  I liked what they said though…

          It sounds to me like you’re doing a pretty good job as a mom.  It’s incredibly hard to break the cycle of bad parenting.  I’m pretty much exactly the same kind of mom as my mom and she is pretty much the same as her mom.  We’re all good, I’d say, but I’m not really raising the bar much.  It’s just hard to go beyond what we see modeled, and research supports that.

          Anyhow, please be gentle with yourself.  You are a wonderful person and doing your best.  I’m hoping that your DS gets the help he needs and is able to pull things together with time.

          • awww

            thanks!!  I perused the thread and will look for some others to inspire me.  I just need to not let my emotions get the best of me because I think back to the days when he was three and we would set the table with enough plates for his super hero friends in case they stopped over and I pretty much lose it.

            I need to allow myself some time to grieve the situation.  And that is what I am not really doing.

            • hang in there

              and you’ve got to cling to the cute 3 year old memories.  you really do.  i think that’s why we get them- to fall back on when it’s really rough.

              xoxo

              • great point

                Now might be an even better time for those superheroes to stop by…. I wonder how your boy would respond if you shared that memory with him?

                Sending you strength and empathy, Valerie.

        • I’ll bet

          that he feels like he needs a little of both, too. I’m sorry that your family is going through this. I hope that the idea that he is still young and can make a great life for himself if he chooses to gives you some comfort. His book is by no means written. Hope your time with DH was nice and you could get some relief with the situation with him.

        • geez

          wish there was something we could do for you, but I am glad at least that you feel like you can come here and share and get support.

          • I think

            one of the hardest things is the stigma attached to having a kid in jail.  Like, my sis in law is getting married 5/1, so there will be about 3 weeks of DH’s family here from Minnesota.  Hard to say, well, he’s not here because he is in jail, ya know?  And I am not going to lie.

            I am grateful that it is “only” marijuana related issues, and what I mean by that is that he is not violent or on harder drugs.  Heck it may be legal in California in November.  

            Thanks to all of you for your kind words.  It is easier to share about it with some relative anonymity.

            • I am so very sorry

              my sister was arrested once and it was HORRIBLE for my family. I was actually in agonizing grief over it and I am just her sister, I can’t imagine what it would have been like as a parent. But that was 10 years ago and now she is married, and has two kids and is a volunteer at her children’s school and all in all a model citizen. It was her wake-up call. I hope this is for your son as well.

            • I can only imagine

              what this experience is like for you, and I’m so sorry your family (all of you) have to go through this.

              Lots of hugs to you…

            • Stupis, backwards marijuana laws

              Sorry, had to get my plug in.
              It is very hard to have a loved one in jail.  I imagine that when it’s your child you have to fear that people will think it’s something you did wrong.  Or even just the idea that people will judge him for being in jail.  So sorry that your family is going through this.  I hope that you and your husband can work out your issues.  It is so much harder to deal with other things when your relationship is rocky.  I hope that it’s a good sign that he’s set up some time to talk.

                • Thanks

                  My sister (J) is out of jail and she’s been messaging with my other sister (E).  The police took J’s cell phone so E gave her money for a new one.  J says that the legal issues got blown out of proportion but that it was a much needed slap in the face.  She said things are really looking up and she can’t wait to share some things with us.  We are still planning to fly out there, maybe in June.  We are overdue for a visit and for the first time we can both afford the trip.  I also don’t necessarily trust everything she is telling us and would like to see for myself that she and Luke are okay.
                  Thanks for remembering me, Lisa!

            • I have

              several in-laws either in jail or just out.  So in our family it has ceased to be a huge deal.  I really hope folks will be understanding.  I think they would, but also kind of uncomfortable and not knowing what to say, but sympathetic.   It’s important that you reach out so you have as much support as possible.

              Hugs to your family.

        • positive thoughts to you

          I know this is hard to go through.
          I promise my kids (who are 6 and 3) that we will always love them no matter what…and then I learn what parents of older children, like you, are living through, and I know they’re not always going to be cute and sweet and mostly well intentioned. No matter what, you love your son, and it’s impossible to make their lives go perfectly.  Will be thinking of you.

        • {{{Valerie}}}

          I’m sorry both you and your son are going through that.  It’s a nightmare of mine, so I have a lot of compassion for anyone in your position.

        • I feel so bad for you

          I think I would cry the whole time too.  I hope you’re not beating yourself up with guilt over it.  But it’s got to be so sad to see someone you love in a place like that.  Hopefully it will give him good perspective because I am sure he is meeting people whose moms are NOT coming to see him and who DON”T care.  And he can realize a little bit how lucky he is.

  9. Jenny McCarthy

    is NOT my favorite person – autism-wise I think she’s misguided – but it makes me sad to see a couple who seemed  so happy and good for each other (as far as was public) split up.

    I’ve been following the “Confederate History Month” story on Michelangelo Signorile’s show on OutQ.  Two interesting things evolved toward the end of the week – 1) an astounding number of people who called his show to defend the commemoration of the confederacy!  and 2) the Governor amended his original proclamation to note that slavery was not a good thing (really?).  Stories like this one make me feel how insulated from this I am in the Northeast!

    Also in the news this week..the retirement of John Paul Stevens gives President Obama another Supreme Court nominee!  What do you think MT? Another woman?  Any of the “short list” seem more or less likely to you?

    • Confederate History/Supreme Court

      I think Kagan, Merrick or Wood are probably the top 3.  Not sure who will get the nod though.

      Re: the VA governor – he is a tool, nothing more.  I find him disgusting.

  10. Jenny McCarthy

    is NOT my favorite person – autism-wise I think she’s misguided – but it makes me sad to see a couple who seemed  so happy and good for each other (as far as was public) split up.

    I’ve been following the “Confederate History Month” story on Michelangelo Signorile’s show on OutQ.  Two interesting things evolved toward the end of the week – 1) an astounding number of people who called his show to defend the commemoration of the confederacy!  and 2) the Governor amended his original proclamation to note that slavery was not a good thing (really?).  Stories like this one make me feel how insulated from this I am in the Northeast!

    Also in the news this week..the retirement of John Paul Stevens gives President Obama another Supreme Court nominee!  What do you think MT? Another woman?  Any of the “short list” seem more or less likely to you?

    • Confederate History/Supreme Court

      I think Kagan, Merrick or Wood are probably the top 3.  Not sure who will get the nod though.

      Re: the VA governor – he is a tool, nothing more.  I find him disgusting.

  11. “Get it done” day

    Today is a home chore day.  This morning I did DD’s hair, paid bills and (finally) submitted our taxes.  Next up, my grad school application.  I’m getting there but still need to finish a few essays.  I’m out of practice for that kind of writing and am not nearly as speedy as I’d like to be.  I think more coffee is in order.

  12. “Get it done” day

    Today is a home chore day.  This morning I did DD’s hair, paid bills and (finally) submitted our taxes.  Next up, my grad school application.  I’m getting there but still need to finish a few essays.  I’m out of practice for that kind of writing and am not nearly as speedy as I’d like to be.  I think more coffee is in order.

  13. Running About.

    Let’s take what we were making all week to the party where people who use that sort of thing will be!

    Ok. That means: 1) Having all the items in basic inventory done. (That was the last two days.) 2) Having tags made and put on all items. 3) Having business cards made and setting up an email address for it. 4)Shifting things around to free up a plastic container to put all of said items in. Which had to be washed out.  

    In addition to baking bread, baking cookies, doing laundry so the clothes we want to wear are clean and coping with more crises in my sister’s romantic life. (Which is a huge trainwreck due to her boyfriend having his head up his ass.)

    I am slightly irked at Bear. First, he stayed up til three last night which meant I had to stay up til four. This is not helpful when I need to get up at ten am. Then we had to go to the craft store for leather lacing to finish the items, and to the office supply store for business card blanks.

    So we get through the store, pick up what we need, and Bear discovers he’s forgot his wallet.  And we get done with that and Bear decides we need to eat lunch out. At the “All the lowest common denominator slop you can eat ‘steakhouse’, which costs more than the nice restaurant that I wanted to go to which has decent food there, and mostly food I can eat. And then we come home, and instead of him being able to help me get stuff ready, he’s off again because his mother wants to go to rummage sales. This means that he will get home just before the party thoroughly pissed off (she is not a very nice person) and exhausted.

    Meanwhile, I would like to nap but I have no time. Grr.

    On the other hand, I have a check for $200 in my purse now, and another one for $1000 coming around the middle of the week.  I am actually going to replace all my ten year old underwear and get new shoes…closed toe, sandals, and athletic shoes runs about $500. (sigh) Yay for needing The Good Shoes, I suppose. Plus I have an appointment (at last!) with an optometrist so that I can get new glasses. There will be an end to the headaches and eyestrain!

    • Wallets

      Our kidlets got into DH’s wallet and removed his license, credit cards and all other helpful things.  Poor guy didn’t find out until he was trying to purchase items!

    • I saw an optometrist

      in September, and it was the weirdest thing–my eyesight is back to 20/20 vision! I had been using the same prescription for more than a decade, and was tested multiple times during that period. He said some people’s near-sightedness improves in their late 30s/early 40s.

      The bad news is this means I will need reading glasses at some point. But in the meantime, I stopped using my prescription sunglasses, and I have far fewer headaches now. He said I was probably getting headaches from using glasses that were more “juiced” than I needed.

      • that happened to me

        not that I’m back to 20/20 but my contact prescription dropped a couple of notches for my distance vision, as my near vision has gotten worse.  it’s weird to have gone from wearing a 7.5 [I always forget if it is plus or minus 7.5] to now I am back to a 5.5.

        So far I don’t have bifocal contacts, but I do sometimes use drugstore readers over my contacts. Okay, a lot of the time.

        Weird to have my vision improve when it’s progressively worsened since I got glasses in 5th grade.

      • That happened to hubby

        he isn’t OUT of glasses but his prescription is much, much less now. He thinks not being in law school anymore has helped. The very intensive reading really took a toll on his eyes.

  14. Running About.

    Let’s take what we were making all week to the party where people who use that sort of thing will be!

    Ok. That means: 1) Having all the items in basic inventory done. (That was the last two days.) 2) Having tags made and put on all items. 3) Having business cards made and setting up an email address for it. 4)Shifting things around to free up a plastic container to put all of said items in. Which had to be washed out.  

    In addition to baking bread, baking cookies, doing laundry so the clothes we want to wear are clean and coping with more crises in my sister’s romantic life. (Which is a huge trainwreck due to her boyfriend having his head up his ass.)

    I am slightly irked at Bear. First, he stayed up til three last night which meant I had to stay up til four. This is not helpful when I need to get up at ten am. Then we had to go to the craft store for leather lacing to finish the items, and to the office supply store for business card blanks.

    So we get through the store, pick up what we need, and Bear discovers he’s forgot his wallet.  And we get done with that and Bear decides we need to eat lunch out. At the “All the lowest common denominator slop you can eat ‘steakhouse’, which costs more than the nice restaurant that I wanted to go to which has decent food there, and mostly food I can eat. And then we come home, and instead of him being able to help me get stuff ready, he’s off again because his mother wants to go to rummage sales. This means that he will get home just before the party thoroughly pissed off (she is not a very nice person) and exhausted.

    Meanwhile, I would like to nap but I have no time. Grr.

    On the other hand, I have a check for $200 in my purse now, and another one for $1000 coming around the middle of the week.  I am actually going to replace all my ten year old underwear and get new shoes…closed toe, sandals, and athletic shoes runs about $500. (sigh) Yay for needing The Good Shoes, I suppose. Plus I have an appointment (at last!) with an optometrist so that I can get new glasses. There will be an end to the headaches and eyestrain!

    • Wallets

      Our kidlets got into DH’s wallet and removed his license, credit cards and all other helpful things.  Poor guy didn’t find out until he was trying to purchase items!

    • I saw an optometrist

      in September, and it was the weirdest thing–my eyesight is back to 20/20 vision! I had been using the same prescription for more than a decade, and was tested multiple times during that period. He said some people’s near-sightedness improves in their late 30s/early 40s.

      The bad news is this means I will need reading glasses at some point. But in the meantime, I stopped using my prescription sunglasses, and I have far fewer headaches now. He said I was probably getting headaches from using glasses that were more “juiced” than I needed.

      • that happened to me

        not that I’m back to 20/20 but my contact prescription dropped a couple of notches for my distance vision, as my near vision has gotten worse.  it’s weird to have gone from wearing a 7.5 [I always forget if it is plus or minus 7.5] to now I am back to a 5.5.

        So far I don’t have bifocal contacts, but I do sometimes use drugstore readers over my contacts. Okay, a lot of the time.

        Weird to have my vision improve when it’s progressively worsened since I got glasses in 5th grade.

      • That happened to hubby

        he isn’t OUT of glasses but his prescription is much, much less now. He thinks not being in law school anymore has helped. The very intensive reading really took a toll on his eyes.

  15. happy birthday Eli!

    i hope we get to see some pics from her party!

    i have been really busy this week helping my sis-in law.  she’s struggling with her pregnancy and her husband’s been out of town this week.  i’m so thankful for the little things in life now that my OCD is under control.  i can’t believe i am washing other people’s dishes and clothes, changing my nephew’s poopy diapers, sharing food with them and kissing their sweet faces without freaking out about germs!  it’s wonderful to be “me” again, i can’t say it enough.

    • aw

      this made me smile, just reading you write about all the normal things and how good it feels to be yourself. Wish I could give you a big ole’ hug!

      • thanks lisa!

        i wish i could hug you too!  someday!  (p.s. i was telling my DH about my friend lisa who breastfed twin babies and he is in total awe of you!)

        • aw….

          that’s very sweet, but honestly, my kids were champs at nursing and it came really easy for me — much easier than formula would have been. So I can’t really take much credit!

          • on the (dangerous) subject

            :)
            I was in the baby store the other day, looking at car seats, and I saw a “Baby Expresso” machine. I didn’t look very closely, but it essentially looked like an adult espresso machine, but it was for making warm formula on demand. I’m guessing that you put a supply of powder in and it measures, mixes and warms it for you at the touch of a button. That sounds so much easier than the standard measuring, warming thing at three am! Very yuppie, I know…but I’m always amazed by these gadgets.

            • for a short time

              DS1 took both formula and breast milk, and oo…if you are formula feeding that sounds easy enough for brand-new parents to handle – yay. Wonder if it filters the water.  

            • Hmm

              That is interesting. I never warmed bottles for my kids, though. I’d pull a bottle I’d pumped right out of the fridge and give it to them. When I made formula it was either on demand and room temperature, or also from the fridge. My poor babies must have had a lot of brain freeze!

              Recently I saw a woman at Starbucks order just a hot cup of water, and then she put her baby’s bottle in it to warm it up. I thought that was pretty clever, even though I would have just given my baby cold milk.

    • That’s so great!

      I’m glad to hear that you are feeling back to normal again!  Your SIL is very lucky to have you helping too!

    • thanks ladies

      i feel like a broken record saying again and again how good life is right now.  but i just have to share it with you all because you were there in the trenches with me!

  16. happy birthday Eli!

    i hope we get to see some pics from her party!

    i have been really busy this week helping my sis-in law.  she’s struggling with her pregnancy and her husband’s been out of town this week.  i’m so thankful for the little things in life now that my OCD is under control.  i can’t believe i am washing other people’s dishes and clothes, changing my nephew’s poopy diapers, sharing food with them and kissing their sweet faces without freaking out about germs!  it’s wonderful to be “me” again, i can’t say it enough.

    • aw

      this made me smile, just reading you write about all the normal things and how good it feels to be yourself. Wish I could give you a big ole’ hug!

      • thanks lisa!

        i wish i could hug you too!  someday!  (p.s. i was telling my DH about my friend lisa who breastfed twin babies and he is in total awe of you!)

        • aw….

          that’s very sweet, but honestly, my kids were champs at nursing and it came really easy for me — much easier than formula would have been. So I can’t really take much credit!

          • on the (dangerous) subject

            :)
            I was in the baby store the other day, looking at car seats, and I saw a “Baby Expresso” machine. I didn’t look very closely, but it essentially looked like an adult espresso machine, but it was for making warm formula on demand. I’m guessing that you put a supply of powder in and it measures, mixes and warms it for you at the touch of a button. That sounds so much easier than the standard measuring, warming thing at three am! Very yuppie, I know…but I’m always amazed by these gadgets.

            • for a short time

              DS1 took both formula and breast milk, and oo…if you are formula feeding that sounds easy enough for brand-new parents to handle – yay. Wonder if it filters the water.  

            • Hmm

              That is interesting. I never warmed bottles for my kids, though. I’d pull a bottle I’d pumped right out of the fridge and give it to them. When I made formula it was either on demand and room temperature, or also from the fridge. My poor babies must have had a lot of brain freeze!

              Recently I saw a woman at Starbucks order just a hot cup of water, and then she put her baby’s bottle in it to warm it up. I thought that was pretty clever, even though I would have just given my baby cold milk.

    • That’s so great!

      I’m glad to hear that you are feeling back to normal again!  Your SIL is very lucky to have you helping too!

    • thanks ladies

      i feel like a broken record saying again and again how good life is right now.  but i just have to share it with you all because you were there in the trenches with me!

  17. *grump*

    I went to a used book sale yesterday evening (which wasn’t that great–20,000 books, my ass) and while I was standing there looking at CDs, this little fart–maybe about five years old (I suck at kids’ ages–came up to me and asked me if I was going to have a baby.  I said “No, I am not,” and she said, “You look like you are.”  I said, “Nope, I’m just fat!” and by then her grandmother (I think) had swooped down on her, looking mortified.  

    I was pissed but at the same time I was laughing about it.  I heard grandma say, “Don’t ask people about things like that,” and little fart said, “Why not?”  I moved on so I wouldn’t say something like “because the next fat lady might be a lot nastier than me about it, that’s why not.”  Then again, maybe I should have.

    • LOL

      I am going to have a baby and I don’t care to discuss it with strange kids.  None of her business.  My school kids asked me when I was not very far along and I told them it was not a polite question.   Maybe that wasn’t an honest answer but I have the right to share when I am good and ready.

      • hey

        was just thinking of you today and trying to remember how long along you are and if it’s public knowledge yet or not. Or maybe you’ve already said that and my memory is slipping.

        • Yeah I’m out

          My cousin had his baby and we waited a week or so and then informed that side of the family.  I would have waited a little longer for them but my uncle (baby’s grandfather) lives right next door to me and I was afraid he would see me out in the backyard and wonder why nobody said anything to him.  

          I’m starting to show although at my 14 week appt on Friday I had not gained any weight since the previous appointment.  Unfortunately I came into this pregnancy a little bigger than I would have liked but I thought that was promising-especially considering the crazy eating I’ve been doing courtesy of morning sickness and trying to fend it off. The baby has really shifted things around though as I have a definite bump in spite of not gaining.  When the morning sickness finally subsides (baby didn’t get the memo that the first trimester is over) I need to start being more careful with my diet in an attempt to keep this kid at or around 10 lbs as opposed to 12 +.

            • Cousin’s baby

              I probably could have been clearer.  He is the grandfather to my cousin’s baby.  That one was a big deal.  His daughter had 3 boys and now his son has a daughter so she’s the first granddaughter for him and the first girl in a long time on that side of the family.

  18. *grump*

    I went to a used book sale yesterday evening (which wasn’t that great–20,000 books, my ass) and while I was standing there looking at CDs, this little fart–maybe about five years old (I suck at kids’ ages–came up to me and asked me if I was going to have a baby.  I said “No, I am not,” and she said, “You look like you are.”  I said, “Nope, I’m just fat!” and by then her grandmother (I think) had swooped down on her, looking mortified.  

    I was pissed but at the same time I was laughing about it.  I heard grandma say, “Don’t ask people about things like that,” and little fart said, “Why not?”  I moved on so I wouldn’t say something like “because the next fat lady might be a lot nastier than me about it, that’s why not.”  Then again, maybe I should have.

    • LOL

      I am going to have a baby and I don’t care to discuss it with strange kids.  None of her business.  My school kids asked me when I was not very far along and I told them it was not a polite question.   Maybe that wasn’t an honest answer but I have the right to share when I am good and ready.

      • hey

        was just thinking of you today and trying to remember how long along you are and if it’s public knowledge yet or not. Or maybe you’ve already said that and my memory is slipping.

        • Yeah I’m out

          My cousin had his baby and we waited a week or so and then informed that side of the family.  I would have waited a little longer for them but my uncle (baby’s grandfather) lives right next door to me and I was afraid he would see me out in the backyard and wonder why nobody said anything to him.  

          I’m starting to show although at my 14 week appt on Friday I had not gained any weight since the previous appointment.  Unfortunately I came into this pregnancy a little bigger than I would have liked but I thought that was promising-especially considering the crazy eating I’ve been doing courtesy of morning sickness and trying to fend it off. The baby has really shifted things around though as I have a definite bump in spite of not gaining.  When the morning sickness finally subsides (baby didn’t get the memo that the first trimester is over) I need to start being more careful with my diet in an attempt to keep this kid at or around 10 lbs as opposed to 12 +.

            • Cousin’s baby

              I probably could have been clearer.  He is the grandfather to my cousin’s baby.  That one was a big deal.  His daughter had 3 boys and now his son has a daughter so she’s the first granddaughter for him and the first girl in a long time on that side of the family.

  19. A strangely emotional day today

    DS (age 8) competed in a Math Pentathlon tournament today. He loves math, and this is a club that competes in 5 math games.

    So last year he wound up with a silver medal – he won 4 games, lost 1 game. This year I guess he thought it would be easy. It wasn’t. Because he did so well last year, he was bumped up to the top level in his division – meaning he played much better competition. He lost his first 3 games, and was devastated to the point of tears.

    We took a walk outside so he could cry away from his friends. He said he was really disappointed in himself, which made me cry! After he got the tears out,  he went back inside, won the next game and lost the final game – ended up 1-4 for the day. He kept thanking me over and over for bringing him to the tournament, especially because I was sick. He hugged me again and again.

    I was so proud of him, but so emotional for him too. I hate to see my baby disappointed in himself. He learned so much from this experience, and ended up having a good day. But wow – those emotions hit me hard!

    • wow

      That sounds like a great day, one you will both remember, even though it must have been really hard. What a mature, reflective boy you’re raising, and what a terrific mom you are!

      A couple years ago DS was in a drama competition. He competed in scenes with 1 – 2 other actors, and a good friend of his competed in the monologue. We were all proud of his friend for putting himself out there like that.  And he got slaughtered — one of the few kids that didn’t even get an honorable mention. It was devastating for him and his mom. I know she felt our love for them, but in the moment it was really just the two of them coping. Which they did. They were champs.

      DS’s group won first place in their category — there were 7 or 8 categories — and his friend and mom sat through the whole awards thing. (I would have been very tempted to bolt, and I told her that at the time, but they took the classy route.)  It was a messy, beautiful thing.

      It’s kind of amazing that in the midst of his own pain, your DS was thinking about you and your sacrifice. Really impressive. Kudos to both of you.

    • my heart hurts

      reading this. It’s so tough to watch our kids be disappointed like that. But good for him for going back in and winning one. It’s hard to be at the bottom of the skill group, competing against the best.  And what a sweet kid for thanking you for taking him!

      hugs to you!! And to your DS!

    • math

      my ds also likes math and has a ‘natural’ gift for it. your post got me to thinking i need to ask the elem school’s principal about how to start a math club.

      • Math Pentathlon

        We were told yesterday that it is only in 3 states: Texas, Michigan and I’m totally blanking on the other state. That’s a shame – it is a whole lot of fun. But surely there is something math related for your school? Hope you can find something for him!

    • How cool

      of your son to put  himself out there to compete AND to go back in for the fourth match.

      IKWYM about your own tears – no matter how I am feeling, when my son says he’s disappointed in himself, it brings me to tears.

      ((HUGS)) to both of you

    • awwwww

      Wow, that must have been really rough.  What a sweetheart.  That is a hard lesson to learn.  Is he looking forward to doing it again?  Or is he discouraged?  

  20. A strangely emotional day today

    DS (age 8) competed in a Math Pentathlon tournament today. He loves math, and this is a club that competes in 5 math games.

    So last year he wound up with a silver medal – he won 4 games, lost 1 game. This year I guess he thought it would be easy. It wasn’t. Because he did so well last year, he was bumped up to the top level in his division – meaning he played much better competition. He lost his first 3 games, and was devastated to the point of tears.

    We took a walk outside so he could cry away from his friends. He said he was really disappointed in himself, which made me cry! After he got the tears out,  he went back inside, won the next game and lost the final game – ended up 1-4 for the day. He kept thanking me over and over for bringing him to the tournament, especially because I was sick. He hugged me again and again.

    I was so proud of him, but so emotional for him too. I hate to see my baby disappointed in himself. He learned so much from this experience, and ended up having a good day. But wow – those emotions hit me hard!

    • wow

      That sounds like a great day, one you will both remember, even though it must have been really hard. What a mature, reflective boy you’re raising, and what a terrific mom you are!

      A couple years ago DS was in a drama competition. He competed in scenes with 1 – 2 other actors, and a good friend of his competed in the monologue. We were all proud of his friend for putting himself out there like that.  And he got slaughtered — one of the few kids that didn’t even get an honorable mention. It was devastating for him and his mom. I know she felt our love for them, but in the moment it was really just the two of them coping. Which they did. They were champs.

      DS’s group won first place in their category — there were 7 or 8 categories — and his friend and mom sat through the whole awards thing. (I would have been very tempted to bolt, and I told her that at the time, but they took the classy route.)  It was a messy, beautiful thing.

      It’s kind of amazing that in the midst of his own pain, your DS was thinking about you and your sacrifice. Really impressive. Kudos to both of you.

    • my heart hurts

      reading this. It’s so tough to watch our kids be disappointed like that. But good for him for going back in and winning one. It’s hard to be at the bottom of the skill group, competing against the best.  And what a sweet kid for thanking you for taking him!

      hugs to you!! And to your DS!

    • math

      my ds also likes math and has a ‘natural’ gift for it. your post got me to thinking i need to ask the elem school’s principal about how to start a math club.

      • Math Pentathlon

        We were told yesterday that it is only in 3 states: Texas, Michigan and I’m totally blanking on the other state. That’s a shame – it is a whole lot of fun. But surely there is something math related for your school? Hope you can find something for him!

    • How cool

      of your son to put  himself out there to compete AND to go back in for the fourth match.

      IKWYM about your own tears – no matter how I am feeling, when my son says he’s disappointed in himself, it brings me to tears.

      ((HUGS)) to both of you

    • awwwww

      Wow, that must have been really rough.  What a sweetheart.  That is a hard lesson to learn.  Is he looking forward to doing it again?  Or is he discouraged?  

  21. moving towards finally divorced!

    can’t go into details but wanted to let you know that “things” are moving forward (tho at the usual snail’s pace of divorce attys) and I see the light at the end of the proverbial tunnel. So much so I am now thinking: should party be a civilized gathering at a restaurant or a bbq & beer in my backyard?

    • congratulations

      I have a friend who is still stuck in the middle of the process. She thought the divorce would be final almost six months ago.

      • thanks. it’s been 2.5 years

        since i got a lawyer and 2 years 3 months since he moved out. my state has silly silly antiquated laws about being separated for 2 years before you can get an ‘automatic’ divorce — which is what normal, non-rich people do. The assumption is that i might change my mind. ha.

        • wow.

          Really?  Where is time GOING?  That means I’ve been reading MTers for well over 2 years, and I swear I just started here.

          I’m glad its moving along for you finally, brave.

    • oh, good

      glad things are moving along FINALLY.

      As for the party — both sounds great, so whatever mood strikes you [and whatever your pocketbook suggests] should be good!

    • I don’t know where

      you should have it, but I do think you should pull out all the stops!

      Congratulations. What a long, strain-y road this has been for you.

    • I’m a beer and bbq kind of gal myself…

      But I suppose it depends on how you feel. Are you feeling like a loud, celebratory party, or a more contemplative, calm gathering with close friends?

    • dunno which…

      but if you’re inviting all your neighbors, beer & BBQ should be fine (make sure  to invite them if it could get noisy!)  :-}  Has it been that long already? Seems like three weeks ago that you mentioned separating. I’m glad it’s almost over so you can (all) get on with the next part of your lives.

    • Yay!

      My uncle’s divorce process started about a year ago, and has gotten really nasty. Now it’s ground to a complete halt. They have no money, and he’s just ready to be free of the crazy woman he married. And quite frankly, so are the rest of us in the family!

      Glad your process is so close to final – definitely time to celebrate – congrats!

    • I vote

      bbq and beer – you can get your drunk on and not have to worry about getting home! But, that’s just me….

      I’m glad this chapter of your life is coming to a close. Here’s to a very bright, happy future.

  22. moving towards finally divorced!

    can’t go into details but wanted to let you know that “things” are moving forward (tho at the usual snail’s pace of divorce attys) and I see the light at the end of the proverbial tunnel. So much so I am now thinking: should party be a civilized gathering at a restaurant or a bbq & beer in my backyard?

    • congratulations

      I have a friend who is still stuck in the middle of the process. She thought the divorce would be final almost six months ago.

      • thanks. it’s been 2.5 years

        since i got a lawyer and 2 years 3 months since he moved out. my state has silly silly antiquated laws about being separated for 2 years before you can get an ‘automatic’ divorce — which is what normal, non-rich people do. The assumption is that i might change my mind. ha.

        • wow.

          Really?  Where is time GOING?  That means I’ve been reading MTers for well over 2 years, and I swear I just started here.

          I’m glad its moving along for you finally, brave.

    • oh, good

      glad things are moving along FINALLY.

      As for the party — both sounds great, so whatever mood strikes you [and whatever your pocketbook suggests] should be good!

    • I don’t know where

      you should have it, but I do think you should pull out all the stops!

      Congratulations. What a long, strain-y road this has been for you.

    • I’m a beer and bbq kind of gal myself…

      But I suppose it depends on how you feel. Are you feeling like a loud, celebratory party, or a more contemplative, calm gathering with close friends?

    • dunno which…

      but if you’re inviting all your neighbors, beer & BBQ should be fine (make sure  to invite them if it could get noisy!)  :-}  Has it been that long already? Seems like three weeks ago that you mentioned separating. I’m glad it’s almost over so you can (all) get on with the next part of your lives.

    • Yay!

      My uncle’s divorce process started about a year ago, and has gotten really nasty. Now it’s ground to a complete halt. They have no money, and he’s just ready to be free of the crazy woman he married. And quite frankly, so are the rest of us in the family!

      Glad your process is so close to final – definitely time to celebrate – congrats!

    • I vote

      bbq and beer – you can get your drunk on and not have to worry about getting home! But, that’s just me….

      I’m glad this chapter of your life is coming to a close. Here’s to a very bright, happy future.

  23. Guess what?!!

    I just realized that my work laptop has a webcam built in (can you tell that I’m meant to be writing a paper right now?). So I can do easy “cheers” photos with you guys now!

    So here’s cheers for health care reform and Christmas!!!

    Carina title=

  24. Guess what?!!

    I just realized that my work laptop has a webcam built in (can you tell that I’m meant to be writing a paper right now?). So I can do easy “cheers” photos with you guys now!

    So here’s cheers for health care reform and Christmas!!!

    Carina title=

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