If you haven’t been to BrainChildmag.com lately, definitely check it out. This issue is good. I want to highlight one more article from the magazine: “Guilty as Charged.”
In it, writer and professor Bridget Kevane was arrested in Bozeman, Montana, for leaving her three children and two friends alone at the mall. The two oldest children — girls — were aged 12 and they were left in charge of an 8-year-old, a 7-year-old and Kevane’s youngest daughter who was 3 at the time.
Details of the incident became clear later. The kids had gone into Macy’s after lunch; it was to be the final stop of the afternoon. Natalie and her friend decided to try on some shirts and left the three younger kids in the purse section by the cosmetics counter—which, it’s true, was against the rules that I had laid out for them.
While the girls were in the dressing room, some Macy’s employees spotted the three younger kids and called mall security. When Natalie and her friend returned less than five minutes later, all the kids were taken away to Macy’s administrative office where they were held until the arrival of the city police. The kids–who were now being treated as victims of abuse–were not allowed to use their cell phones to call me, because I was now considered a negligent mother.
In making their decisions, the mall police and city police relied upon the statements of four Macy’s employees who worked the cosmetic counters, though it became clear later in written statements that some of the workers were not even in the store at the time, and that others had badly misestimated the younger kids’ ages to be two, three, and four (rather than three, seven, and eight). The rest of the employees’ stories vary wildly in time, place, and their perception of what actually happened.
At any point in the course of events, the Macy’s employees, the mall security guards, the police, or the city prosecutor could have chosen to view my decision to drop my children off at the mall as an innocent moment of faulty judgment. They could have slapped me on the wrist, or warned me, “Don’t do that again,“ or settled for any number of lesser charges. After all, there is no law in Bozeman against dropping your children off at the mall.
But instead my actions were considered criminal neglect, “violating a duty of care.“ Why? As the pretrial procedures dragged on, I began to feel I was caught in a culture war, or perhaps several wars—town vs. gown, native Montanan vs. outsider, and working mother vs. working mother.
The city attorney made no secret of the fact that her own parenting choices informed her decision in backing up the police officer. She told my lawyer in their first meeting that she also had a daughter and would never have left her at the mall. She also said she believed professors are incapable of seeing the real world around them because their “heads are always in a book.“ Her first letter to my lawyer ended on a similar theme: “I just think that even individuals with major educations can commit this offense, and they should not be treated differently because they have more money or education.“ Despite the fact that Montana professors are among the lowest paid in the nation, and that undoubtedly the prosecutor has a law degree herself, she nevertheless categorized me as someone trying to receive special treatment.
At the end, Kevane’s attorney did not consider her contrite enough or sympathetic enough to stand trial. He eventually worked out a deal with the prosecution and Kevane received only community service as punishment.
Kevane is a good writer. Even though the article was written in her perspective, I found myself not feeling sympathetic towards her. Generally I would agree with her that parents should trust their instincts and the public should not get involved. But it sounds like she demonstrated some bad judgement here.
While I do remember going to the mall and movies alone at 12 — without my parents’ consent as they were strict — I was never asked to supervise younger children in those settings. Caring for a 3-year-old is a big responsibility.
Still, I think a trial and jail time would have been excessive punishment especially for a first-time offense. Community service sounds about right.
What do you think? Should parents be prosecuted for leaving very young children unattended?
Judge’s comments
the judge’s comments were not very…judicial. i think that is the part that bothers me the most about the story. personally i wouldn’t have dropped off this many kids with two 12 year old friends at the mall. so many reasons why this was bad judgement imo. while i babysat a group of kids by age 12…it was in a home and i didn’t have a friend to distract me.
community service i suppose is about right.
Now, the next step
To me, the “city attorney” was way off-base. She should never have injected herself or her child into her comments to the woman’s lawyer. Or, her opinions about the woman’s profession. Those two things should have easily disqualified her from handling this case. Or commenting about it.
Do judges/lawyers have prejudices/opinions? Sure. But when they openly say them, that is outrageous.
The woman obviously made a boo boo. But a very light punishment was in order.
Now, what about the Macy’s employees who lied? Hmmmmm?
I’m gonna ask Hubby about this
he’s a prosecutor. She seemed to exercise some serious bad judgement here. But on the other hand, I think a warning might have sufficed. I shared here in another thread how I rescued a wandering toddler who had been left in the care of an older brother and sister at a mall. I admit I felt VERY judgmental of the woman in question. I waited until Mall Security found her, not just out of concern for the kid, but so she could see that other people were outraged by her behavior.
Also, I think what the prosecutor was trying to say, albeit badly, was in essence, how much harder would people have come down on this woman if she were “trailer trash” or some ill-educated stereotype? You think the professor got it bad? God for bid you are poor and make a mistake. Your kids would be in the hands of DCF quick as a wink! So she wasn’t going to show favoritism. Though “head in a book” is some stereotyping right there too. Sigh.
Reading so much of the classic kid’s literature
It is very striking how much our view of how old a kid needs to be has changed. Nine year olds roaming the city with some change for bus fare (and bringing a dog home in a box). Ten year olds spending the day with friends in Central Park (and the main character’s friend has even been mugged before).
A pair of 12 year olds watching a 3 year old at the mall is pushing it. I wouldn’t consider it criminal, just foolish. Heck, I’m not sure I can be trusted with a three year old.
One more thing
The whole arrest situation was probably incredibly traumatic for the kids, very very scary. In the interest of “protecting the children” the officers and the prosecutors probably did a fair amount of harm, not to mention, of course, that the money and energy spent on legal bills is money and energy not available to the kids.
Good point
What these experiences teach children
is to never approach police, and not report things. At least that’s what it taught all my friends and my husband. DH says, yeah his mom was physically abusive and when he knew where his dad was he was a neglectful drunk. But he and his sister and the rest of the family knew that if they couldn’t get a family member to help with the problems, it was better just to put up with it, because otherwise people would come and take you away from your home. And that did almost happen when DH was 3 or so and ran out into a parking lot.
So true
Same with people who try to discipline their children by saying “See that policeman? He’s going to come take you away if you don’t behave.” That just teaches kids that if they’re in trouble, they shouldn’t try to find a police officer. Short-term thinking, I guess.
I still remember
the terror I felt, and I would have been maybe 4 or 5, when my mother was pulled over for speeding. I was terrified they were going to take her away and put her in jail.
This reminds me
There’s a really powerful short story by Joyce Caroll Oates, in which the same story is told 3 times in a row with increasing detail. In the first telling, a little girl is playing down by the river and meets a nice man who gives her candy and plays with her for a while then helps her wash up when it’s time to leave. The little girl goes home and as she tells her family about the nice man they notice her undershirt is inside out. By the last telling of the story, the little girl is huddled in the doorway to her room in terror, listening to her parents sobbing and raging as they talk with police in the kitchen. Oates makes a very powerful statement about the nature of trauma and abuse, and the role of adults in creating and interpreting experiences for children.
intrigued…
So…was the little girl hurt by the man? Or were her parents just freaked and creating an alternate story?
where the harm lies
The child was clearly molested, but in such a way that she did not recognize what the stranger was doing at the time. The man acted friendly and gentle and she didn’t have a clue. All of the harm comes after her parents’ extreme reaction reinterprets her experience for her; by the end of the third version you get the feeling she will be scarred for life.
I don’t usually read Oates – she’s too powerful for me. I probably read this story 15-20 years ago and it’s haunted me ever since.
wow…
I have an urge to read it, and an urge to run. It sounds really powerful.
that’s perfectly said
that’s just how I feel too- an urge to read it and an urge to run.
agreed
I am very much of your mind on this. This country has gone way off the deep end on the perceived need for adult supervision of children. I certainly can’t see how this meets the definition of neglect – the child was not being neglected.
I don’t approve of the mother’s choices here – lord knows, 3 year olds are tricky – but it’s not like the purse department of Macy’s is dangerous environment. At age 8 I was responsible for my 3 year old brother in situations not so very different. Have we forgotten that in many traditional societies, care of toddlers is very much the natural job of 8-14 year old girls? While we don’t do that here, it’s not because older children are incapable of being responsible for siblings – they clearly have the ability to take on more responsibility than we choose to give them.
*thank you*
I totally agree. In fact, in last week’s SF Chron, Jon Carroll has a great article with an interview of Michael Chabon, in which Jon quotes from one of Chabon’s books: “Childhood is a branch of cartography.”
Meaning that part of childhood is exploring, having a great adventure with a map to guide you. Or maybe not– maybe just exploring the park or woods or streets near where you live.
Granted, this was not that situation, and the 3 year old was too young to be left without adult supervision. That was a lapse in judgment. But could not a Macy’s employee have just called the mall security and stayed with the kids, then had the cops call the mom? Why escalate it into this huge deal?
The other thing that REALLY rubs me the wrong way is how this mom was treated simply because she’s a professor. There is a deep anti-intellectualism in this country and it frankly disgusts me. I know that sounds strong, but I think this country is much weaker because of this cultural chest-beating, hate-the-egghead mentality. And that prosecutor sounds weirdly hypocritical– as the mom points out, she had to have a law degree herself. (I also just read a TIME mag article about Sarah Palin railing against educated people, so it’s fresh on my mind.)
Totally agree
About the anti-intellectualism. Heck, I’d even say there’s an anti-educated bias. I’m no intellectual, but I’m highly educated, and the conservative members of my family have definitely thrown “You think you’re so smart because you went to college” at me. And I want to say, “Well, yeah, I am, actually!” But I haven’t figured out a polite way to do it.
you can smile smugly and say
“Bless your heart.”
yeah
My stepdad likes to throw around the “piled higher and deeper” comment about my degree. I find it irritating and disrespectful. I don’t bring it up; why does he? It gives me a kneejerk desire to talk trash about his college basketball career, or his engineering skillz. Which is ridiculous, because those are real accomplishments that I have no need to denigrate.
I don’t get it, but it sure is pervasive.
I’m on the fence
I’m not sure if the comments by the prosecutor were appropriate but I live in a university town. My mother has worked at our local university for over 20 years as an administrative assistant and supervisor and while she enjoys her workplace for the most part, she could tell some tales. I have 2 master’s degrees and became well-acquainted with some academics who are grade-A assholes while acquiring my own education. There could be more of a back story here than anti-intellectualism. I don’t think professors are more prone to being jerks than people in other professions but I’m wondering if the one in question fits the bill. I’m not inclined to be sympathetic toward her and I usually am in favor of cutting moms a break.
Absolutely
DH and I both read this article and came out on opposing sides! He did think the criminal aspect was overkill but he wasn’t opposed to law enforcement getting involved and bringing charges “of some sort” against her. I’m trying to be more free-range with the kids so we butt heads sometimes but can usually compromise.
I don’t really think there was anything WRONG with what she did here. It was different than what I would have done but that doesn’t make it wrong.
I hate to say this
But Adam Walsh’s mother would not agree. He disappear from a store while she was shopping in another section, IIRC. A 3yo and a 7 you under the care oftwo 12 yos is too much, IMHO. This isn’t the backyard, or even the playground. There’s too many distractions for tween girls in the mall.
We hear these stories
and they do happen and it’s awful but it’s so unlikely and I don’t want to live in fear. The last stranger abduction/ murder we had here was a girl who was out jogging in a park, she was 14. Should she not have been allowed to run alone in the park? That seems extreme. And while I would not have made the same decision as this mom, I don’t think she did anything really dangerous.
I agree with you.
I think the real concern is the 3 year old wandering off and getting lost, possibly wandering out into the parking lot. Abduction, while horrific of course, is just such a rarity.
The 3 year old
is kind of the tough aspect to me. If the two 12 year olds were alone it would be fine, even with the 7 and 8 it might be OK at least for a short time. When you add a 3 year old the situation would likely be getting pretty difficult to manage even for an adult.
Bozeman is a town of fewer than 30,000 people so I don’t imagine this is some huge anonymous crowded mall. Even in our town twice the size (which doesn’t have a mall, really) if two 12 year olds were out and about shopping they would likely run into people they knew … which I imagine made a difference from the mother’s perspective in terms of the perceived safety of the situation.
I agree with others, the part about the ‘head in a book’ was totally unnecessary on behalf of the city attorney.
maybe either or?
i could see either a 3 year old, OR a 7 and 8 year old, but not both-but my 3 year old is a piece of cake.
i am now trying to picture the neighbor’s kids, who i think are 7 and 8 in charge of my 3 year old while two 12 year olds wander off. what a disaster that would be. but not because of the 3 year old.
The image that came to my mind
was from a recent crowded event at our city park. My 6 year old ran into his best friend, so we joined his mother and 3 year old sister. The 3 boys were rampaging around with the spunky little girl trailing along after them, and at one point all 4 of them ran across the park to buy popsicles. I was a little surprised the mom let the daughter go with them but we could mostly keep them in direct sight from our picnic blanket.
As soon as they left our immediate vicinity I saw a switch flip in my 8 year old, who began tracking the little sister. I watched him call her back when she strayed, help her unwrap her popsicle, and constantly check around to make sure she was nearby. I was fascinated; he has no particular connection to this little girl but it seemed like an automatic and instinctive behavior on his part.
awwwwwww…. nt
Awesome nt
I’m wondering
if the mall has felt burdened by parents dropping off their kids, and used this mom as an example. I know that retail employees often complain that parents let their kids run wild in the stores, making extra clean-up work for the employees as well as imposing extra supervision responsibilities on them. (Just because a parent isn’t watching their child pull all the toys off the shelf at Target doesn’t mean nobody is.) Maybe the younger kids, who might not have been particularly interested in purses, were making a mess. Who knows.
Great point
When I worked at Barnes & Noble, most people hated working the children’s section because it was a notorious dumping spot by parents. Some parents actually left the store, thinking it was fine because they’d made their child promise not to leave the kids’ section.
My kid
always used to insist on cleaning up the mess left by other kids. It was cute, and I loved it… but there were some times when I had to get her to disengage, because the mess was really beyond the scope of what we had time for.
Why can’t she clean up her messes at home?!?
that’s pretty cute!
But I can see where it might interfere with your need to get out of there in a reasonable amount of time.
Could go either way
Bad decisions all around – the mom, the security staff, the cops, and the prosecutor. The thing is though, unless your civil rights are being severely curtailed and you are deliberately embarking on a political goal, be agreeable (or at least completely neutral) to cops, even if you tell them you don’t agree. She sounds entitled and arrogant and that just didn’t play well. Never does. Her own lawyer agrees. She just couldn’t tolerate being chastised or her judgement questioned – even though her decision was in fact dubious – and now she’s made the whole thing worse. Hope it’s worth it to her.
but but but
entitled and arrogant are so much more satisfying!
You are right, of course. I usually have self-control in these situations, but I do feel the urge to be a self-righteous ass far too often.
Lol
Definitely more satisfying, fo sho. Especially in my head and later with my friends
. Getting arrested though – a bit of a buzzkill 
.
There are those
who might tell you that I often ACT on that urge.
outspoken women
are just more fun, aren’t they? As long as you’re not mean or self-aggrandizing, where’s the harm in calling it like you see it? A proper take-down is, after all, a beautiful thing.
I have learned at my current job to really watch what I say. And my co-workers still describe me as “refreshing” — a euphemism, for sure.
I kind of felt the same way
reading her entire post. This statement stuck out to me:
I guess it struck me that even though the 12 year olds in charge did something they were explicitly instructed not to do, she still says that they were responsible enough to handle this. It sounded to me that her inability to express remorse is what impacted the feelings of the mock jury.
I personally can’t imagine making the decision that she made. But I wouldn’t think a criminal prosecution would be in order. I just wonder if she’d expressed remorse if things would have gone differently. She talks about the police officers telling her to be quiet, etc — but that just made me wonder, was she polite and cooperative with them, or not? The prosecuting attorney’s statements are WAY out of line, but I couldn’t help but feel like the author had a bit of a chip on her shoulder, too.
well, yes
The older girls were very aware – except for, er, when they weren’t. Ergh.
But sounding “entitled and arrogant”
isn’t against the law. It’s annoying, to be sure, but again, if everyone that annoyed me was arrested, well….
Yeah, in a practical way it now makes sense to act that way…however, a big part of me resents the hell out of this.
I don’t think so
She shouldn’t have to apologize unless something actually happened. Were the kids being loud and disturbing other patrons? Did they make a mess? If so, then she should apologize. As it is, what does she really have to be sorry for? In most cases I loathe lip service and that’s all it would have been. I don’t believe in being rude or aggressive toward law enforcement officers but I also don’t believe they deserve the ass-kissing a few of them desire.
oops
should have been a reply to RachelD not tjb22!
I can see it from both sides
Even if the kids were not disturbing other patrons, I probably would not be able to work if I were a clerk near them because I would probably be keeping an eye out for them because kids get abducted from malls. Should the store have to “pay” for babysitting? I have a feeling that if something had happened, this mom would have been all over the store for not providing enough security and the people working around the kids would be in danger of facing lawsuits.
Hey, it worked in response
to me, as well. And I agree.
you’re right
You shouldn’t HAVE to kiss their asses, but in the big scheme of things it certainly makes life easier. I had an encounter with two cops in which I was assertive — not rude or belligerent, but also not kowtowing — and it went way south, very quickly. I got a magazine out of my car to read when it became apparent that it was going to take a while. They were insulted and infuriated because they expected me to be contrite and somewhat afraid, and I was just calmly treating it like any other time I have to wait a while. They kind of went ape-shit with me.
I understand that they are fearful a lot of the time because they don’t know exactly what/who they’re dealing with, so keeping that in mind usually helps me treat them with kid gloves. For some reason that day I just couldn’t do it, and it cost me.
well, something did happen
Some employees at the store were uncomfortable enough to call security, thereby wasting a lot of people’s time. There is no way that the store could ignore the situation once security was called.
I happen to think her decision was not ok. I would have assumed this kind of thing was likely to happen.
True
I think she got herself in this deep by not being able to acknowledge in even the smallest way that several other adults had a different perspective about her decision. What is up with that? Again, that’s not illegal. But consider the perspective of the cops. They think children might be in danger from a negligent parent. They care because they are human and also because they have liability. The mother shows up and acts like a big ole asshat. Their comfort level goes way way down, not up. In addition, she treats them with contempt for doing their job – checking out potential problems. So more problems ensue.
I’ve known a couple of people - completely law abiding and highly competent, yet huge PITAes who are arrogant, entitled, all that – who wherever they go they foster pretty intense conflict with someone. After a while – god, no sympathy here.
I see how it might well have
happened, but I think the police officers, in their professional capacity, should have been the ones to have ended it without an arrest. Sure, they’re stressed and have difficult jobs, but, well…maybe part of doing the job isn’t arresting everyone who annoys you. They might have had some worry about the children, but they could have just called child protective services to investigate and left it at that if they were truly that concerned.
And it isn’t just about the police officers…its about every one dealing with this case down the line. No one is willing to just say “enough”….that’s worrisome when you look at where we’re now at.
I agree
Seems like cops have (or should) increasingly strong ways to communicate “here’s the line, you’re getting close to it”. That’s why I wonder what is up with this woman that she couldn’t read the situation at all.
Oh, here’s a good one. Picture this woman has having Sarah Palin’s personality (I’m evil, I know): bull headed, juvenile, contemptuous, can’t let it go, has to have the last word, all that. Isn’t she someone you just want to arrest?
Like I said, I’m being a bit evil
.
Oh, I’d want to…
no doubt. However, I thought that we had a justice system that was supposed to work as a sort of balance to these sorts of problems? It’s about all of these steps sort of failing, and I don’t think this incident is that unique.
But
she sounds, at least in writing, far more intelligent and capable than Sarah Palin!
You’re in the Bay area, yes?
We’re visiting. Any chance you’re free Friday?
Calling social services
would have made more sense. They are trained to investigate these situations. When you have a 12 yr old with a cell phone, why wouldn’t you let them call mom and then just talk to her when she got there? That makes no sense to me.
Yeah, that’s the stupid part
I’m sure it’s a “by the procedure book” thing, but really. It’s just like my experience with CPS; no way to de-escalate the situation, or no one with authority to do so. I don’t even necessarily disagree with the outcome, but the handling sucks.
And it reminds me of when they pick up parents in immigration raids and the kids don’t know what happened to them.
Yes! It’s defeating the purpose!
Very much like the situation you’ve shared with us….when a family is under stress, how much more stressful is it to enforce draconian policies?
I’m still thinking the police officers in this case could have just let the mother know that this was not an acceptable practice. If she was “unrepentive” or whatever, at least they could have said that they warned her in case another incident should arise.
We’re reading the Beezus and Ramona books now
Beezus was always left in charge of Ramona and she was only a few years older. Sometimes Henry Huggins helped.
But I don’t think Beezus was ever put in charge of Howie and Willa Jean, too, which is the situation here.
Yeah, I think the mom exercised some bad judgment. The city attorney and judge surely had some prejudices, but I’m still not sure the outcome was a bad one necessarily. The 12 year-olds were clearly not ready for the responsibility, in view of the fact they left the younger kids unsupervised in a department store. And most kids the same age as my son and our next-door neighbor are nowhere near qualified to care for a three year old.
My opinion is definitely colored by my experience–the feral children across the street are constantly expected to mind their little sibs, and they do their best, but they are only kids and not always on the ball.
See, here’s my problem:
Why must every matter be treated as an example of crime and punishment? I happen to think that this woman did probably have a lapse of judgment, but geez…if the authorities are called does it mean someone must always be arrested and charged? What happened to the idea that someone could just be warned not to do such a thing again?
It’s easy to see how we’ve become such a prison nation. We can’t seem to think in any other sort of way any longer. This wasn’t always the case.
A friend of mine
was arrested after her two little ones wandered off from the house. She had worked a double shift and fell asleep on the couch, the girls (4 and 2) decided to walk to the playground at the local elementary school. They took the route they always take with mom and were playing when a teacher found them. I saw their pictures on the noon news as they hadn’t located the mother yet. She had woke up and called the police when she couldn’t find the girls. The police came to her house, took her out in handcuffs and alerted the press so that her “perp walk” was on the news that night.
My sister (the social worker) said if CPS had been called in, they wouldn’t have even opened a case. Until her case was dismissed in court (phew!) she was not allowed to be with her own children unsupervised. Many of us added high locks to our doors after that knowing it really could have been any of us.
It certainly could have been me.
I think all of my children “wandered” at least once. It happens. Even parents need to sleep, and short of tying children down to their beds, I don’t know how this is to be occasionally avoided.
We are seriously nearing a point where no one in their right minds would want to be a parent. And it’s even a larger issue…I’ve seen this happen in schools as well…kids are now often criminally charged for what is really only normal childhood misbehavior. Maybe we’ve all watched too many episodes of “Law and Order”, but must everything be considered a matter for the justice system? Geez.
Tie them down
DH frequently remarks that while ICU patients are difficult, at least there are procedures by which you are allowed to restrain them, as opposed to children. Also that their poop smells less bad, which is less applicable in the current situation.
The “everything must involve police, courts, etc. thing bothers me, too.” Who else will handle it, though? CPS shouldn’t really be focusing on these single instances, either, though ideally they would have a procedure to review the case and give a warning or even a punishment like the community service without getting the police and courts involved. I’m kind of wishing there was some kind of “community council” or something that would do that. In any such case there’s the problem of conflicting parenting standards, though.
I mean, I think that lady made the wrong call with her kids because it turned out the 12-yr olds didn’t take it very seriously. I think it was probably the wrong call in any case because there were too many younger kids and 3 is pretty young. If an 8-yr old gets lost they’re more able to get help. But I don’t like the idea that making the wrong call = having the law on your ass. Maybe they could have just been (temporarily) banned from the mall?
Pediatric duct tape
DH says if we could figure out a way to market it, we’d be millionaires.
and st joseph’s valium for children. nt
Yeah…I think I would lean that way, too.
I think the store manager and/or employees would have been well within their rights to “ban” them from the store. I think it would have been perfectly acceptable for the police officers to have sternly “warned” this mother that if such an incidence occurred again that she could face charges.
I do like the idea of some kind of “community council” that could work on such issues. We don’t always need to drag people through the justice system in order to give them strong advice on behavior that might be deemed unacceptable.
It’s ironic that sometimes it seems
that there’s so much “DO YOU KNOW SOMETHING BAD COULD HAPPEN!” that people feel the need to, well, make something bad happen.
That’s actually quite profound.
We experience a little thrill with the possibility, don’t we?
You’re right
But I still have sympathy for people who don’t want anything to happen on their watch. We have a fairly large mall in the middle of our town that practically generates its own police blotter. There was a child porn ring operating in the mall for a while where kids around 10-12 were lured into dressing rooms and other secluded areas and photographed by some sick people. Things do happen in malls.
In this case
I can sympathize with the store and mall employees and even the police. Where it went once it was past them was kind of ridiculous. But she ended up with community service so it sounds like it ended reasonably.
and a record nt
and the mall which used to be closest to us-
is the one where that guy from greenwich raped and killed a 13 yo girl in his car in the parking garage
i think if they had been at her house or at a friend’s house, this would all be over reaction, but once you drop your kids off somewhere and drive away, you’re trusting other adults that you don’t even know to make decisions about your kids’ care and safety
maybe the adults have seen too many horrible things happen and are going to over react. or are going to just plain old “react”
i think the mom was expecting too much from the 12 year old girls. maybe just one 12 year old girl w/ out a friend to distract and influence her could have managed her own siblings. i don’t know. but i think it would be apropriate for the management of the mall to say even if it’s ok w/ the 12 year old’s parents, it’s not ok w/ them.
I like this
This could have avoided so many problems.
CPS
Locally there are charges that law enforcement has been using CPS to amplify their cases against people for growing marijuana. (These are usually cases where the defendant claims to be growing medical marijuana.) IE, they explicitly plan to come and raid and make an arrest at a time when they know the kids are there, they bring CPS, and there is no opportunity for the parents to arrange for the kids to go somewhere familiar (neighbor, grandparent, etc). Once CPS takes custody of the children, there are all kinds of nasty rules that kick in. The net effect is that the people who are arrested, even if they might be able to mount an effective defense, are under enormous pressure to plead the case out or their kids will be in foster care for months.
It’s certainly a way to get convictions, but I hope no one thinks that they’re doing those kids any favors.
can I just say
the war on drugs is really tiresome?
I so often hear about drunkenness in connection with crimes – drunk folks driving badly, hitting people, etc. The alcohol factor is often treated as mitigating, rather than aggravating. Yet I rarely hear about crimes that have marijuana as a component. You don’t hear about dope smokers keeping attack dogs or using semi-automatic weapons as a matter of course. Yeah, they might walk around with a little chocolate at the corners of their mouths if they eat it rather than smoke it, but aside from “Project Runway” commentators, is anyone really threatened by that?
I say we legalize it already.
ugh
I”m with you. In fact, the explicit and implicit costs of maintaining a war on drugs was the thesis topic for my masters.
YES!
I don’t smoke but for crying out loud, it’s just weed.
curious what the parents of the “two friends”
think? Where they aware that their children were going to be left at the mall too? Did they agree/disagree/not care? If they knew they should either participating willingly & should be almost equallly accountable.
I think it is fine to take a calculated risk with your own children but probably not with the children of others. ’
I am a person who purposefully takes a few small risks will my children because I desire they grow up self sufficient & capable.
that’s a good point-
or do they get off because they weren’t the parents of the 3 year old?
but it sounds like ALL of the kids were considered to be neglected, doesn’t it?
Yes
I think she said the other parents and her husband were all aware of her plan to drop the kids off.
I think the whole country has gone insane.
I was babysitting less than six month old infants at 11 years old- for pay. And going to the mall at 12. There was no law against letting your children go to the mall. Unless there was a law stating that 12 year olds can’t babysit, she should not have been charged with anything.
And it all seems to be
focused on mothers. It often seems to me as if we want to find reasons to punish mothers. Reminds me of Freidan’s “out of the girdle” philosophy…is this yet one more way that we’re trying to force women back into that girdle?
YES
and I think this is something the author was trying to get at. The anger in the piece wasn’t just about HER getting treated this way, it was about parents, especially mothers being treated this way. It can leave us feeling like we can’t trust our own judgment. Something I think some men would love as it establishes a patriarchy.